Dreams, prayers, raccoons, and Andrew Lloyd Webber, all on the same blog just for you!

Are we … awake?

So I had this weird dream (and yeah, I’m going to make you read about it!). I was in this big hall where people were singing what sounded more or less like hymns, happy ones, and lots of children running around, so it was probably my semi-annual visit to Heaven for my Afterlife Preparedness Checkup.

So the hymns morphed to some Hebrew hymns, like Yerushalayim Shel Zahav,

and then they morphed into stuff from Jesus Christ Superstar, like the Pfeffermans in Season 4 of Transparent:

Then someone came running in to say there was a giant raccoon outside, so I kinda morphed a little bit myself, channeling “Wanda” from Corner Gas

and went outside with the rest of the crowd, where we saw a very, very slow-moving flood consisting of water, debris, people, and critters (more of a wet flood than a dangerous one, really — no one seemed worried about it, other than who was going to clean up the mess)

and then I saw a large grey cat, which looked a lot like a raccoon, staring intently in my direction

and then I woke up, seeing a large grey cat (Buddy!!) sitting on the bed, staring intently in my direction. When he saw that I was awake, he jumped off the bed and led me to the kitchen, where he then sat staring intently at his food bowl while I brewed my cofveve.

I can only assume that Buddy, like all cats, has supernatural powers and, like Willy the Groundskeeper in the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror VI, Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace, can enter our dreams now.

And then, to add insult to — well, okay, not “injury,” just “annoyance,” how’s that? — Anyway, after making sure Buddy was properly fed, I weighed myself and was aghast to find that the scales were giving me a number I did NOT like, to whit:

210.0

So I stepped OFF the scales, took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and stepped back on, and guess what?

209.4

So if any of those Godless Heathen Atheist types tell you today, with a sneer, that prayer doesn’t work, you just look them right in the eye and say, “Does too!” I mean, come on, I said a prayer and lost 0.6 pounds in 30 seconds! Don’t tell ME there’s no God!

All right, all right, that’s enough silliness and nonsense for one morning,

so I’ll let you off the hook now! Hope you have a great week, and have a happy, raccoon-free Hallowe’en!

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