Proof that I CAN create a non-controversial post, once in a blue moon!

Well, hello everyone! Yeah, I get that we’re all tired of controversial posts about politics, religion, etc.

So how’s about a nice post about something actually related to DIETING for a change, eh?

First of all, here’s the weigh-in:

196.4

Cool, a pound down!! Of course, I was here a few weeks ago and it went right back up the next week. Still, I’ve been doing much better at following my own advice, writing down the calories and weighing myself every morning.

Maybe if I just persevere a little longer, I can continue the downward trend and (dare I say it out loud, in this destined-to-go-down-in-history Year 2020?) actually get back to where I was just a few short months ago?

Meanwhile, here’s an actual, genuine diet tip! Do you love Ranch dressing as much as I do?

Well, the thing with Ranch dressing is that if it’s any good, it’s gonna be fairly high in calories and fat. However, I discovered something AWESOME last week: you can mix genuine Ranch dressing powder into plain, 80-calorie Greek yogurt, and it tastes FABULOSO!!

(p.s. special thanks to Mr. 50by60 for the suggestion on how to combine these images!)

And yes, it’s true that other, better weight-loss bloggers already figured this out a long time ago, like the Sparkpeople. But y’know, we each have to make these discoveries for ourselves!

So if you’re someone who loves dipping stuff into Ranch dressing, grab a bag of something crunchy, like some baby carrots or low-calorie potato chips (you can even make your own!) and dip to your heart’s content!

Got any other low-calorie substitutes you’d like to share? Post ’em in the comments below and I’ll discuss them in next week’s post!

That’s it — thanks for reading! Join me next week for your favorite, almost entirely noncontroversial diet blog!

What’s up, WordPress? Back for another banger!

Good morning, everyone! For those who are a little puzzled about the title, I’ve been watching a LOT of the adorable “Twinsthenewtrend” videos on YouTube this week, and that’s how they start out every video. Check ’em out! Fair warning, though, start one, and you’ll look up and wonder where that hour and a half went! For example:

Oh yeah! I’m listening while I’m blogging! Anyway, let’s get to the weigh-in, shall we? It’s not too shabby:

197.4

Yeah, back down 0.6 of a pound, and down is always good!

So, in spite of the fact that it’s still 2020, and everything’s still kind of fluid right now …

… not to mention, all the fires and, oh yeah, that pesky virus …

I’m just gonna keep counting my calories, drinking lots of water …

and of course, walking, outdoors if possible, indoors if necessary!

And I still have an active prayer life, in spite of what certain members of the patriarchy (you know who you are!) might think.

So maybe if I just keep doing all the right things, the scale will move, 2020 will (eventually) be over, and things will get better!

Well, maybe not THAT much better! I’m a realist! But we’ll do our best, won’t we? Meantime, keep chuggin’ the water and countin’ the calories, and I’ll see you next week!

Just a flesh wound!

Yeah, it’s a teensy little gain:

198.0

But it could have been worse! Last week, in case you didn’t notice, I took the week off and did one of my legendary “road trips” to beautiful Phoenix, Arizona, where it only got up to about 122 degrees Fahrenheit at, um, 9:00 AM. So not too bad, for September.

And I spent a little quality time visiting relatives (at a relatively safe social distance, masks on) …

… as well as vegging in my luxurious hotel room watching “30 Rock” …

… and feeling guiltily glad that the fitness center was closed due to the pandemic. I mean, I never actually USED it, but it was always there, in case I felt the urge.

Heh … yeah, that meme is funny! But you know what? An outdoor gym might not be a bad idea! Although you might want to wait for all the fires to go out before hopping onto Nature’s Treadmill.

Yeah, that’s a shame. It’s really making the air quality suckalicious, too. So maybe it’s a good idea to stay inside, for multiple reasons — perhaps for the rest of the year!

Anyway, stay safe, do the best you can re: diet and exercise, and we’ll meet right back here next week!

Whoa baby — I’ve actually got a loss!

Well, happy Wednesday, fiends and nabobs! How’s everyone doing this oh-so-fine morning?

Well, good to hear, Mr. Lumberjack! I’m doing pretty okay myself, given that I have a nice big weight LOSS to report this week!

Aw come on, David, this is a good thing, trust me! Anyway, ready for the weight loss?

Yes sir (or ma’am — as I’m sure You know, I’m exploring the Divine Feminine right now, so I’d hate to misgender you before I get to my…

Okay, okay! Ready? Here it is!

197.6

Yes, down a whopping ONE POINT FOUR POUNDERINOS since last week!

And I owe it all to calorie counting a̶n̶d̶ ̶e̶x̶e̶r̶c̶i̶s̶e̶.  Yeah, obviously NOT exercise because (a) my gyms are closed and (b) it’s a little hot outside!

So it’s been all down to calorie counting ONLY. But guess what — that actually still works!

Yeah, well, we’re not all as highly educated as you, Napoleon, so suck it up, buttercup! Anyway, I’m happy about it, especially since I’m going on a road trip next week, so I’ll need a good running start (metaphorically speaking) to deal with all the fast food temptations I’ll be encountering along the way!

I won’t be able to do a weigh-in, but I’ll at least do *some* kind of post next Wednesday, just to let you know how it’s going (and to keep me honest)!

Hey, it’s worth a shot! So one way or another, I’ll see you next week!

If It’s Wednesday, It Must Not Be Belgium

Some people have asked why I don’t give as much attention to making fun of Joe Biden as I do of our current Infector in Chief.



Hey listen, as soon as he’s safely ensconced in the Casa Blanca, and Donnie’s back in Florida walking around in his Crocs, I’ll gladly indulge in some Hair Sniffer in Chief memes!



Till then, though, I just want to focus on two things:

1. getting my ballot(s) in as early as possible,

and

2. fer cryin’ out loud, counting my calories! I keep SAYING I’m going to, but then I DON’T …



Sigh! Well, maybe if I keep SAYING it, once in a while, I’ll actually DO it! Let’s see if I can do that enough times during the next week to have a loss, shall we? Because if I keep having weigh-ins like this:

199.0

nobody’s gonna be happy! 

Thanks, ex-Prez! Meanwhile, let’s just get on out there in the 150-degree temperature and do a little exercise, shall we? See ya next week!!

Back from the cliff, plus my Potted Plants of Politics theory!

Well, I was all set to tell you a sad story about how it had finally happened — it’d been pretty obvious for a while, like the proverbial roaring freight train. 



No, no, THAT’S not what I was talking about! It’s my weight! I was all set to reveal that I’d gone over the 200-pound cliff and was ready to soldier on and fight the good fight and all that happy crappy stuff. But good news, I don’t have to!

198.6

And congrats, Ms. Harris! You might not have been my first pick, but as I’ve opined recently, you and Crazy Joe are basically the proverbial Potted Plant so many of us are willing to vote for at this point.



Funny thing is, now that I muse on it, Trump was kinda the Potted Plant of 2016, wasn’t he? Lots of Democrats and “undecideds” decided they’d rather have ABC (Anyone But Clinton), and since Trump was definitely Anyone…



he was pretty much the only option for keeping Gropin’ Bill Clinton out of the Oval Office.



But sooner or later, every potted plant starts to go bad (at least, all the ones I’VE ever been responsible for!). So this time, yeah, Biden’s pretty much the designated Potted Plant of 2020.



Which might not be a campaign slogan he’d appreciate, but what the hell, he’s got my vote anyway. As for Kamala, I’ll be honest — I didn’t really care for her till a few months ago, when I heard her interviewed by Will Farrell on “The Ron Burgundy Podcast.”

https://app.stitcher.com/splayer/f/364891/63078906

And as one of my favorite cousins pointed out (hi Laura!*), that means we’ll get a whole lot more Maya Rudolph, yay!

I’ve got a soft spot for people who make me laugh, which is probably why I voted for Trump — let’s be honest, the man used to be an entertainer, after all! And y’know, you get what you pay for in this life.

But now, unfortunately, the laugh’s on US, so I say it’s time for a change — not just in the White House, but in my diet!



Yeah, it’s taking a lot of effort to turn this caboose around, but we’ll do it! Trust me — have I ever lied to you?



Never mind! Anyway, calorie counting works, so I’ll definitely be hoping for another happy loss next week (as well as one in November, nyuk nyuk!)!

(*and hi Margaret, and hi Garold! Don’t worry, you’ll get your moments in the sun at some point!)

It’s fine to say it sucks!!

Good morning, everyone! Well, in spite of the title of this post, I’m happy to say my weigh-in doesn’t suck (at least it’s down a skoche!):

199.4

Whew, back a teensy beensy bit from that over-200-pounds-eek-eek-eek cliff!

I won’t breathe (or eat) easy till I get back under 195, but I hereby vow that I WILL accomplish that goal by the end of this month! Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Still, it really sucks that I can’t just go to my gym and hop on the treadmill for half an hour or so, or lift weights.

And it also sucks that I can’t go to the library and kill an hour reading the newspaper and magazines (like the old fogey I am).

And it REALLY sucks that I can’t spend a pleasant day driving from one favorite used bookstore to another.

What also sucks is that if I dare to say in public that any of these things suck, I run the risk of somebody chiming in, “Yeah! And they shouldn’t be allowed to close all those places! And you shouldn’t have to wear a mask at Costco! It’s all a hoax!”

Then there’s the other possible extreme, which I admit I’ve been guilty of as well — scolding the people who complain by insisting that they acknowledge what a horrific disease coronavirus is and the reasonableness of the shutdowns. “What? You hate wearing a mask? You must be one of those anti-maskers who wants everyone to DIE!”

And here’s the truth: I’m one of those people in the “mushy middle” who I’m betting makes up the majority of people right now. We hate the shutdowns and we hate the face masks, while at the same time we TOTALLY understand and agree with the reasoning behind them!

So why is it that we can’t just express our opinions without being lumped in with the extremist thought police on BOTH sides? And yeah, I know there’s some danger in “bothsidesism.”

I mean, I’m part of the Byzantine Catholic Church, which has been playing both sides of the Catholic-vs.-Orthodox divide for a few years now!

So honestly, I don’t really know what the solution is. Maybe just exercise a little kindness and compassion towards everyone you meet? I know that’s a long shot, but isn’t it kinda sorta what those of us who consider ourselves followers of that Jesus guy in some way, shape, or form are supposed to be doing?

I dunno, I’m not sure I’m articulating this very well. Maybe I should just go have breakfast and think it over. Or maybe you could tell me what you think, in that oh-so-seldom-used “Comments” section right below! Whaddya think?

Meanwhile, have a great week — and remember, even though it definitely sucks, wear the mask!

Ooh, so close (but not in a good way) plus a “geezer” joke!

Happy Wednesday, everyone! First, the bad news — let’s get this over with QUICK, shall we?

199.8

Eek! That’s wayyy too close to the dreaded 200 for comfort! Still, I’m not going to let it get me down because:

  1. All my clothes still fit,
  2. I can still go out on walks and hikes without any problem, and
  3. It’s just a number! And having worked for an accounting firm (two, actually!), I know that numbers can definitely be tweaked!

So there you go, it’s close, but there’s still a little wiggle room!

Anyway, let me just lighten the mood with what I swear is a TRUE STORY.

No, it really is! Yesterday I was hanging up some clothes on my clothesline (something I actually enjoy, since I don’t HAVE to do it!), when suddenly a very persistent bee started crawling around on one of the damp washclothes I had just hung up. And, swear to God/dess, I heard myself saying:

So I guess that makes me a — beezer?

Heh — okay, that’s it! Enjoy your week, and let’s see if we can tweak those numbers by next week, shall we?

Never thought I’d say this!

Well, after yet ANOTHER week of NOT doing the kind of exercises that I used to do, and weighing in at — let’s see here:

198.6

… I’m realizing that, in spite of all the times I’ve grumped and complained and basically Karen’d about various problems at lo, the many gyms I’ve belonged to over the years … I [leans closer; whispers] kinda MISS ’em!

Yeah, it’s true! Maybe just the act of going to a gym, changing clothes and going into an area full of exercise machines makes you … I dunno … more likely to exercise?

I mean, I do love the walking and the hiking and even the occasional (if I can describe what I do as) running, but let’s face it — sometimes, when the temperature rises to a brisk 110 degrees, here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, a gal needs her air-conditioned, video-screened treadmill!

Can’t be helped, though — as you may recall, I quit not one but TWO gyms during the past year — Anytime Fitness and the YMCA — opting to stick with my beloved 24 Hour Fitness in Simi Valley. Which — guess what? is now closed!!

The one with the pool??

No, not the one with the pool! That one’s still open, but the pool and the hot tub — the ONLY reasons I ever went to that one — are definitely NOT available for use for the foreseeable future. No, it’s the other one — the smaller one, with the equipment that I actually USED from time to time!

Well, coffee won’t open the gym, but it won’t hurt! So sure, pour me another cup of covfefe, and let’s can close this week’s post with everyone’s favorite artiste, Weird Al, singing a truck drivin’ song. See you next week!