Never say die(t), apparently!

Yep, my weight is up a tadsky —

202.0

but it’s okay. It’s Lent now, so what with all the abstinence and fasting and whatnot, my weight should be dropping like … like … oh, what’s the metaphor I’m reaching for here?

Oh yeah, thanks, Judge! I guess that would be okay, although my personal theory on diets is that if anyone tells you “the pounds will just drop right off” on their weight loss plan, hold onto your wallet!

I mean, even though I technically haven’t been able to keep *all* the weight I lost off, I have done enough that I could, if I were an evil person, try to capitalize on it in some way, but I won’t, ’cause frankly I think the best weight loss plan is the one YOU come up with yourself, based on how you actually want to live your life!

Yeah, I really think the best thing to do is sit down and write out a list of all the foods you really, really don’t want to give up, and then find some room in whatever eating plan you choose where you can have them, at least once in a while. Deprivation makes for lousy long-term diets, IMHO.

I mean, yeah, that’s funny, but also true — if you regularly eat an entire pizza every day, and you can summon the willpower to cut that yummy, cheesy pizza in half, and only eat half … I mean, maybe eat half today, and then eat the other half tomorrow … although I personally don’t know if that’s really possible.

But maybe if you IMMEDIATELY chuck the other half into the garbage, or give it to a friend (or maybe an enemy, in order to slowly clog his/her arteries), you could get away with it. If you can resist the urge to just SCARF IT DOWN!!!

Hmm, maybe it’d be a good idea to TEMPORARILY ditch the daily pizza altogether! Just save it for the weekend! Meantime, I don’t know about where YOU’RE at, but where I’M at, the sun is shining, the grass is green, the orange and palm trees are swaying in the Santa Ana Winds, and it just looks like a terrific day for a brisk walk! Hope your area is warming up a bit!

Well, yeah, that’ll do it, Ralph!! Anyway, have a great week – can you believe it’s almost March??

Shivery Ash Wednesday!

Good morning, friends and family — and brr, what a cold, shivery morning it is for a lot of you! Sorry to read about all your trials and travails, trying to keep warm out there in Missouri and Kansas and Texas and, you know, basically everywhere except, uh, where *I* happen to be located this fine morning.

But seriously, having grown up in the great state of Misery, I went through enough chilly winters in Kansas City, Sedalia, Joplin and Branson to feel your pain! The good news is spring is coming. Meantime, here’s a free Keep Warm Tip from your Aunt 50by60: try sitting in a corner! Know why?

Because … ready? Corners … ARE 90 DEGREES!!

I know, I know, but y’know, I gotta do something to deflect your attention from my weekly weigh-in, which is (ahem) —

201.4

Which is definitely up from last week. However, I’m happy to report that, before writing today’s post, I stumbled across one of my Ash Wednesday posts from two years ago, and I’m about 5 pounds lighter than then, so you know what, I’ll take it! Especially since yesterday was Fat Tuesday, and I did indulge a bit.

Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Sunflower Seed Cups MMMMMM!!!

Mmm! A yummy delicacy enjoyed by vegans, sort-of-vegans*, and all-out carnivores alike! Grab ’em while you can, apparently they’re one of those temporary things.

*Oh, and also, um, true confessions — guess that’s me now! The 100% no-compromise vegan thing just wasn’t working for me — again. Those of you who know me know this isn’t my first rodeo (to use a non-animal-rights-friendly metaphor). I like some of the *ideas* behind veganism, but in reality, there are times when a gal just needs a good egg or a hearty tuna sandwich! Not “Tuno”, please — even vegans hate that stuff!

Hmm … wonder how a vegan would even KNOW what wet cat food tastes like?

Anyway, while browsing some old bookmarks, I came across this old “Interview with an Ex-Vegan” on the “Let Them Eat Meat” site and realized — that gal looks AWFULLY familiar!

October 24, 2009, wayyy back in the deep mists of time!

Yep (sigh), I’ve done the “vegan/no longer vegan” thing before. And always for the same reasons — I’m definitely pro-animal rights and anti-factory farming! However, there’s gotta be some way to protest factory farming that doesn’t involve giving up real dairy and real chicken eggs, once in a while. Maybe by going vegan —

Or maybe (bright idea!) by, at the very least, going out of your way not to buy the products of factory farming, when you can!

Non-factory-farmed eggs are a thing — prepared for Easter by Mother Nature!

So anyway, if I tempted anyone to become vegan, that’s okay — do what you need to do for your precious precious bod! And it’s Lent, so technically you should be mostly vegan for a few weeks anyway, so it’s all good, right?

Anyway, vegan, vegetarian, flexitarian, pescatarian, omnivore or carnivore, all are welcome here at Aunt 50by60’s Wacky Weight Loss Blog! See you next week! Oh, and here’s a little something for those of you who are shivering in icy climes today:

It may be slow jogging to you but it’s a 4-minute mile to me!

Hey everyone! First the weight:

199.8

Okay, a skoche up from last week, but that’s okay — still below my 200-pound Cliffs of Fall!

Anyway, I’ve taken to running as well as walking, and while I’m not very fast (one mile = 20 minutes), it’s still fun, and makes me feel like a Gen-U-Ine Ath-a-lete, something I never felt like back at Grandview Junior High, where I did whatever it took to get out of running laps around the exercise yard!

But now that I’m officially an Old(ish) Lady, I find myself wanting to prove I can do this. Prove it to who? you ask. Well, that’s a good question!

I mean, this was way back in 1971, so I’m pretty sure all the Mean Girls who made fun of me back then have all morphed into the kind of people who post pictures of their cute cats on Facebook, in between sharing Qanon conspiracy theories and storming the Capitol.

So they probably don’t give a rat’s you-know-what that I’ve finally figured out how to do this “running” thing, at the ripe old age of 62!

But I have! And guess what, it turns out there’s this whole new thing called “slow jogging” that all the cool kids and hep cats are doing!

And I’m ALREADY slow, so for once I’m actually ahead of a trend instead of trailing along, huffing and puffing, in its wake!

So tell me, are any of you into this new “slow jogging” thing the youngsters are doing? Or perhaps you’ve found some new, even more cutting-edge version of an exercise you’ve often tried and failed to do, like maybe “waterless swimming” or “ball-free soccer”!

Tell me all about it in the comments! Meanwhile, whatever you’re doing, enjoy it, and I’ll see ya next week!

Up a pound, down a pound, everybody circle round!

Time to do the Weekly Weight Loss Dance!

Up a pound, down a pound, everybody circle round, and gaze with wondrous awe on this week’s weigh-in:

199.6

Yeah, I’m happy to be back under 200 again, but I also know I need to get a WHOLE lot more back under 200 before I can breathe a sigh of relief!

Thanks, Senator Sanders!

Oh, and by the way, I found out the secret to not fogging up your glasses when you wear a mask! Ready? 1) Breathe IN through your nose, 2) breathe OUT and DOWN through your mouth.

If you’re still getting fogged up, make sure when you breathe OUT, your upper lip is jutted out a little bit so your breath is really headed downwards.

Yeah, kinda like that!

Trust me, it makes sense! Have I ever steered you wrong?

Well, anyway, my weight is down, the sun is shining, and I’m heading out for a nice run/walk somewhere in the Valley! What are your plans today?

Well, okay, but feel free to leave a comment anyway! And I’ll see you next week, hopefully STILL under 200, in spite of the fact that I’ve now designated Wednesdays as Official Vegan Oreos Day, so, y’know …

Oreos are vegan, and other reasons why veganism sucks as a weight-loss plan

Hey everyone! First of all, let’s get this out of the way (or “weigh,” if I may — hee hee!) —

200.6

Yeah, up a pound, down a pound — hey, just like British currency!

And in case anyone remembers, a few weeks ago I made the announcement that I’d gone vegan.

The thing is, though, I didn’t do it to lose weight, but more because of the ethical stuff, animals and whatnot.

Which is a good thing because as any HONEST vegan will tell you, ditching the meats and dairy and yummy delicious CHEESE mmm

does NOT automatically translate into “skinny bod 4 life OMG lol” as you might think from all the happy, healthy, super skinny vegan bloggers and YouTubers and TikTokkers and, you know, however you young whippersnappers are conveying your mis- and dis-information these days.

One of the reasons I really like THIS young vegan YouTuber, Rose, aka the Cheap Lazy Vegan, is she makes it clear that if you’re going vegan for any reason other than saving the animals and/or the environment, you’re probably not gonna do it for very long! You can definitely gain weight and get really, really unhealthy eating some of the super yummy vegan junk foods out there! (Check out her video, “My Unpopular Vegan Opinions” — she makes a lotta sense!)

And just to verify that, yes, going vegan CAN result in weight gain, let me share with you my newest vegan “guilty pleasure” — Vegan Rob’s Sorghum Cheddar Puffs!

They’re dairy-free, 100% vegan, taste JUST EXACTLY like “real” cheese puffs I’ve ever gorged on, and guess what? You can easily scarf down the entire bag at one sitting, they’re so good! And since each bag contains 3.5 servings, and one serving is 140 calories, that’s (hang on, let me grab my solar-powered calculator) …

— 490 calories per bag, which YES is certainly way less than a comparable bag of Taco Flavored Doritos (which I saw at the grocery store last week and had to exercise every ounce of willpower to resist, not only because of the calories and fat but ’cause they’re NOT vegan, sorry!), but can still screw up your daily calorie count!

Also, as every junk food junkie who’s ever gone vegan will testify, OREOS ARE VEGAN Y’ALL!! I won’t even try to tell you how many calories are in those because WHO CARES they’re OREOS!!

Fortunately, I found a grocery store that has little one-serving packages (140 calories!) of Oreos at the checkout counter, so I can indulge THAT temptation relatively safely, once or twice a week. (And NO I’m not telling you where it is! They’re mine, all MINE!)

Anyway, what I’m trying to say (and show, by continuing to post my weight even though it’s going in the wrong direction) is that I think going vegan is a wonderful thing for animals and for the planet we all share together. Just don’t go into it thinking it’s gonna make your fat magically disappear. And if anyone tells you it will, whatever you do, DON’T give ’em your credit card number!

Anyway, Lent, when many of the world’s Christians go, if not vegan, at least partially vegetarian, some of the time, is approaching like a roaring freight train, which in our Byzantine Catholic tradition starts on the Monday before Ash Wednesday, thereby giving us the moral advantage!

Although some of us do secretly envy you the whole ashes-on-the-forehead look!

Of course, my atheist friends chuckle at the whole thing, being that they’re morally superior to ALL of us God-fearing types!

But hey, that’s fine! We all need someone to feel morally superior to, right? That smug sense of self-righteousness is what makes the world go ’round, apparently!

Well, anyway, my early-morning burst of energy is dissipating rapidly.

So I’m off to have some fresh, hot cofveve! Hope you have a wonderful day, and remember, no matter what kind of food you’re eating these days, the calories DO count, so count ’em!

Our long national nightmare is over — now we can start focusing on what’s REALLY important, like my weight!

Whew! Well, unless something really crazy happens after I post this (and you and I know that’s still a live possibility), today Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th Prez of these here Yoo-nited States!

And life can finally go back to … well, whatever passes for “normal” these days, I’ve kinda lost track!

And per my (perhaps a tad overlong) post title, we can start focusing on the REALLY important stuff, like my ongoing struggle to keep my weight below 200 pounds! How did I do this week? Let’s step on the scales and find out, shall we?

199.2

Hey, only 0.6 pounds down, but I’ll take it! Especially given how all the stress in the world has affected me, personally!

Well, it is my blog, Napoleon! But yeah, I suppose the trauma in the world might have affected some of you, as well!

So that’s why I have decided to issue you, the loyal reader(s) of this blog, a 24-hour Non-Presidential Pardon from all dieting misdeeds, mishaps, and miscalculations of calories!

Use it wisely, my friends! And remember, it expires exactly 24 hours after you read this sentence!

You’re asking me? As Mr. 50by60 can testify, for several hours yesterday I was sure that 2:30 PM Eastern time was 5:30 PM Western time — three hours ahead, rather than three hours behind.

So don’t look at me! Consult your most modern, up-to-date timekeeping devices and enjoy your respite from reality

And relax! Let’s be realistic — even those of us who voted for good ol’ Grampa Joe know he’s not going to solve everything — and chances are he’ll make some big, whoppin’ mistakes at some point.

Ssh, that’s enough outta you! Anyway, as that classic inspirational work, A̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶A̶s̶k̶ ̶A̶ ̶M̶a̶n̶:̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶K̶e̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶F̶e̶m̶i̶n̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶A̶r̶l̶e̶n̶e̶ ̶D̶a̶h̶l̶  — er, NO!! I mean The Bible, by God, says: Put not your trust in princes! (Psalm 146:3)

Especially you! So enjoy the day for what it is – a (possible) start to a (slightly) less crazy future!

Always!! See you next week!

Find some sanity, where you can!

Yeah, it’s nice to report that my weight went down a tad:

199.8

But with everything that’s going on in the world right now,

I don’t know about you, but it’s hard to put my puny li’l ol’ weight loss efforts at top priority. A bigger priority is just staying sane, when you’re surrounded by complete and total lunacy.

I mean, I don’t want to blame anyone in particular for all this stress and angst.

Still, I can’t help feeling that the best way to deal with it is to either get/stay as far away from it as possible, or, y’know, root out and dispose of the actual CAUSE of the problem.

So for now, I’m just gonna keep going out and walking or running, breathing in the fresh, clean air of Southern California

and doing my best to keep my head above water. And if things get any worse … well …

Welllll … let’s hope it doesn’t come to that! Sorry to sound so down, friends, loyal readers, and/or relatives, but I bet you all know exactly how I feel — and maybe it helps to know you’re not alone!

Let’s hope next week is a little bit brighter, shall we? Meantime, perhaps you’ll enjoy hearing about a time in history that was ALMOST as bad as this one!

See ya next week, I hope!!

Dominion rigged my scales!

Well, howdy, everyone! Here we are in the Future, the fabulous, far-away sounding year of 2021 A.D., and [squints] huh … well, gee whillikers, Batman, I, uh, hate to say this, but it kinda looks not all that different from 2020, so far!

Well, okay, calm down! Let’s just keep all our fingers and toesies crossed that everything gets better toot sweet! Anyway, I have some important business to attend to here, so without further adieux, here ’tis — the first Weekly Weigh-In of 2021!

200.4

What?? OVER that 200-pound line in the sand I set for myself? Is outrage!

How could that possibly happen? I’m a vegan, dammit, a vegan! Everyone knows vegans are SKINNY and cranky, not FAT and cranky!

Yeah, but but but — plant-based! Organic! Buzzwords!

Oh … yeah, okay, well, I guess I have perhaps overindulged in some of the super yummy vegan snacks that are all the rage now with the youngsters.

And yeah, perhaps I have been sitting too long in front of my various devices, staring raptly at the latest installment of Awkward Ashleigh Burton’s Millennial Movie Monday or Twinsthenewtrend!

But that still doesn’t mean I deserve to have my weight go over 200 pounds! No, it’s gotta be someone else’s fault! Therefore, I hereby demand that my bathroom scales — probably manufactured by Dominion — be hauled into every court in the land!

Meanwhile, I plan to huddle with my (imaginary) sycophants in my War Room (She Shed) to contemplate my next power move (counting my calories and getting up off my butt more often). Theoretically, that should boost the odds in favor of me returning to power (aka losing a pound or two) by this time next week!

See ya soon!

So long, sucky year!

Hey, everyone! Just wanted to get in one last post before this annus horribilus comes to an end. And let’s be honest, 2021 may wind up having a lot of sucky things in it too, but at least it’ll look a little different, in some places!

And in a few short weeks, we’ll have a new President (fingers and toes crossed!), which means I’ll have to come up with a whole new slew of memes!

But most importantly, as far as this blog is concerned, I’ll be starting my Weekly Weigh-Ins again, and we can (hopefully) start sending those numbers downward again!

Well, no, I think those of us who’ve reached this magical thing called “middle age” (and yes, I AM planning to live to be 125, so shut it!) know that at this point, we’re pretty much stuck with the “ME” we’ve been living with most of our lives (except for those magical years when we traveled with the Doctor in the Tardis, but since that’s been wiped from our memory, it doesn’t bother us too much anymore).

New “Doctor Who” on New Year’s Day! (Donna still hasn’t watched any)

So ENJOY your last week of Holiday Diet Break, everyone! We’ll start counting the calories NEXT week, okay? Meanwhile, SEE YA NEXT YEAR!!

We still miss you, Gilda!

Spambots need love, too! (an unofficial non-weigh-in pre-Christmas post!)

Hey everyone! As you know, I’m still on my Official Holiday Blogging/Dieting Break, so no official weigh-in or post till next week.

However, just wanted to take a few minutes to say THANKS to all of you for your moral (if not financial) support over the past year. It’s been a tough one, hasn’t it?

But believe it or not, 2020 is almost over and pretty soon we’ll be looking at it through our rear-view mirrors, muttering, “What the hell was THAT?” as we sip our Vegan Holiday Nogs, generously laced with a giant dollop of our intoxicant of choice.

I for one can’t wait! Still, I personally am not going to rest easy till 01/20/2021, if you know what I mean.

Oops, you’re right! ‘Nuff said, then! Well, till next week, this has been my PENULTIMATE post for 2020! Hope you enjoyed this little pop-in!

Oh, all righty then! Well, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Winter Solstice as well!

See ya next week! Oh, and “hi” to all my new followers, who based on their email addresses and the fact that they’re all trying to post spammy comments, are probably spambots. We’re definitely robot-friendly here at 50by60 (although not friendly enough to actually publish your spammy comments), so greetings of the season to y’all too!