Friday Five: How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Scales

One of my loyal 50by60 readers (and not coincidentally, one of my favorite cousins!) confided last week that she’s developed a fear of getting back on the scales after the holidays.

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Well, Margaret, I’m here to help you — and anyone else who’s nervous about facing The Shocking Truth! (aka your post-holiday weight) — with five ways to make sure your scales give you the numbers you KNOW you deserve!

  1. Before getting on the scales, make SURE you cross yourself, say three Hail Mary’s and apologize to Our Lord for sullying His birthday season with your atrocious overeating!
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  2. Repeat after me: “it’s water weight! it’s just water weight!” and subtract 10 pounds from whatever the stupid numbers say!
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  3. Be sure to stand on the correct part of the scales! Even a millimeter off center can create a margin of error of up to 20 pounds!
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  4. VERY important: did you remove ALL your clothes? And the weight’s still too high? Well, keep stripping down — anything other than what God graced you with at birth has gotta go!
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  5. And if none of those ideas works for you, here’s a thought —
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    Yeah, I know — really wacky and rad! But what the heck, it’s worth a shot, right? I mean, seriously, if all else fails, why not try counting your calories every day for a week, and THEN looking at the scales? You just might be surprised!

As I’m hoping *I* will be, come Monday’s weigh-in! Will I finally get back into the (1)70’s? We’ll find out — together!

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Meanwhile, have a great weekend!

Why it’s a good idea to weigh yourself every day

Good morning, everyone! Yes, it’s Monday again, and time for the weekly weigh-in. Ready? Here we go!

184.4
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Hmm, let’s see … last week, it was 183.6, so I’m up 0.8 pounds. Should I be concerned?

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Nah, definitely not! And here’s why: even though I only post my WEEKLY weigh-in here on this blog, I’ve been weighing myself DAILY for quite some time. I can tell you from personal experience that it really does make a difference in how you deal with these minor weight fluctuations. And it’s really easy to do, too. I just buy these cheap-y magnetic pads and write my weight on it every morning before breakfast.

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See how it started out at 183.6, then went up a little, down a little, etc.? Chances are excellent that tomorrow, and/or later in the coming week, it’s gonna go down again. Ever heard the old saying, “God writes straight with crooked lines”?*

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Well, weight loss is kinda the same way! Once you start keeping yourself in a calorie deficit (by whatever method works for you), the weight WILL start going in a downward trend. It’ll take some time, and there’ll be some ups and downs and zigzags along the way ’cause, well, we’re humans, not machines!

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So don’t let those little fluctuations get to you. Just keep doing what you know you should be doing, and have faith* in the process — it’ll work! Just keep at it!

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Have a great week, everyone!

*oh, and even though, as I’ve said before, this isn’t a religious blog, I personally don’t think I would have been able to do this without God’s help, so sue me! I could use the publicity, nyuk nyuk!

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