“Good morning, I’m fat! How are you?”

“I’m fat; how are you?” Great line, isn’t it? Sure wish I’d come up with it! But no, I have to give proper credit: it’s from Simcha Fischer’s “What’s for Supper? Vol. 201, Potatoes and Other Tornadoes?” post last week.

Well, there’s something to be said for celebrating, rather than denigrating, your fatness sometimes — and my cat Pumpkin seems to agree, since she seems to find my “trying-to-sleep-under-a-mountain-of-covers” body the perfect memory foam pillow, to knead and mold into the shape she wants!

And of course, all this preliminary hoohah is just my way of psyching us all up for today’s weigh-in! Shall we?

194.0

Yeah, up an entire 0.6 pounds since last week!! The horror, the horror! But hark, what’s that approaching, in the not-too-distant future?

That’s right, campers, it’s that time of year again! And if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that yours truly follows the Byzantine Catholic way of life (more or less!).

And being pseudo-Orthodox, the ideal is to give up all meat, cheese, dairy, oils, and just plain FUN for the next month-plus.

And then, of course, during the week FOLLOWING Pascha, or Easter (aka “Spring,” for all my atheist, heathen, and Pagan pals!), it’s basically “all you can eat at the Resurrection buffet” time!

(And “New Calendar,” please — I can’t wait another week!)

So here’s the sked: this Sunday is Meatfare, following which we give up

the following Sunday is Cheesefare, after which we give up

and voila, there we are, all us Eastern Christians, deep in the heart of Lent a full two days before all you Westerners get those smudges on your foreheads!

But hey, it’s all good! At least, it’s *supposed* to be good. I always think I’m going to lose weight during Lent, but somehow it never happens. Maybe because “bread” is not one of the forbidden fruits — and I can definitely eat WAY too much bread!

Which is just another reason not to give up on the calorie counting, ’cause no matter what you’re eating — even if you’re a full-fledged Ultra-Orthodox Vegan — it’s STILL possible to overdo it!

So there ya go! And here *I* go, but I’ll see ya NEXT week, when hopefully we’ll have, not Meatfare or Cheesefare, but FATFARE!! So long, fat!!

Doctor Who, “Partners in Crime,” Catherine Tate & David Tennant

State of the Weight!!

Well, good morning, everyone! I’m sure we all enjoyed last night’s State of the Union address, featuring President Trump, a frequent visitor to my meme gallery, and a couple of newbies

Of course, not everyone enjoyed it:

But ya know, you can’t please everyone! So on that note, let’s check out the State of the Weight, shall we?

193.4

Hey, not too shabby! I mean, I’d rather it was a LOT lower, but I’m fine with it just going down in dribs & drabs, right? As long as it’s down, not up!

So unless you’re in Iowa,

get ready to MAKE A DIFFERENCE for your country! Meanwhile, don’t rip up that diet plan just yet, Nancy!

I’m sure it’s chock-full of great weight loss ideas from our beloved Prez!

So let’s give it a try, and meet back here again NEXT week — whaddya say?

OK, well, the REST of us will be here, David! Have a great week, everyone!

Back From the Precipice!

Good morning, good morning!

And it IS a good morning, in spite of the fierce winds currently blowing outside our lovely estate here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, because after (finally!) getting back to jotting down my calories on a daily basis, the needle on the scale (or the electronic equivalent thereof) budged:

193.8

I’m gonna keep this a bit short because there’s coffee waiting for me.

Also, there are strange rustling sounds coming from the boxes of papers and books behind me, here in the office. It’s either a cat, or something being CHASED by a cat.

Either way, I better check it out! Meanwhile, if you’re wondering if calorie counting really works as a weight loss tool — yes, it does! It may not work for everyone, but it works for me. I think it’s because making myself write down what I eat makes me more aware of what I’m eating – more “mindful,” to use a rather overused buzzword.

So if your weight loss has stalled, why not give it a try? You can get an app, like MyFitnessPal, or just use an actual piece of paper, and a writing implement of some sort.

I actually find the old-school way works best for me, but then I’m old, and I went to school, so there ya go! Anyway, I’m relieved to see the numbers finally starting to slide back from the 200-pound precipice! Let’s see if I can keep the momentum going!

(and week!)

Insert Humorous Blog Post Title Here (or, “What? It’s Wednesday Already?”)

Yeah, I wasn’t really prepared for this, after sustaining a minor but very annoying injury on an otherwise enjoyable hike this past Monday when, in my best Peter Griffin imitation, I slipped and whacked my kneecap on a very hard, irritatingly unyielding rock!

peter griffin knee

Contrary to all the concerned Facebook comments I got when I posted about it later, I wasn’t so much worried about “omg, I’m all alone, who will help me?” as I was, “omg, I hope I don’t have to get one of those mountain bikers or large, noisy families to help me!” See, it was MLK Day, and on federal holidays, the parks don’t charge the usual entrance fees.

horde

So it wasn’t like I was stranded out in the wilderness with only a few Fedex boxes to keep me alive till I could get off the island.

castaway 2

No, I channeled my inner Grumpy Cat and hobbled my way around the rest of the trail,

grumpy cat

enjoying the scenery and making extravagant promises to my knee involving hot bubble baths, ice packs, etc. if it would just hold out till I got back to the parking lot. And it did! I checked the mileage later and found that my fall had happened at mile 1.5, after which I walked another 3.5 miles!

huell2

That’s right, Huell! Which is why it’s REALLY annoying to have to tell you that, after all that — after the long hike, the knee whack, and STILL sticking to my calorie counting the next day — my weight is STILL up!

195.8
scales sorry charlie
gday mate

Which makes me think that maybe I should be focusing less on the weight and more on the fact that I’m a bada$$ old hiker lady! I mean, maybe the reason my knee WASN’T injured as badly as it might have been is that layer of fat protecting it!

plausible

So maybe I won’t worry too much about the weight, and instead, look into the possibility of getting some of those cool folding hiking poles, which might actually have been useful around mile 1.5!

hiking poles

And meanwhile, I’ll just keep countin’ the calories and walking, when I can!

twirling

See ya next week!

 

 

Hiking for Fun and (sometimes) Weight Loss!

First, let’s get this out of the “weigh” (get it?):

don't get it

Oh, it’s funny, all right! All humor at 50by60.com is guaranteed to make you laugh, or you get a full refund on your admission price!

seriously.jpg

OK, okay*! Here ya go, my Offishul Way-In for the Weak:

195.4
scales
core bore

There ya go, down a little from last week — not too shabby! And I’ve been doing some actual hiking during the past week, too, which I think has helped with the weight loss (though not so much with the knees!), assuming I can avoid eating back all the calories I burned. And of course, you know the old saying about “assuming”!

assume

So, on that note, let me post with a photo I took yesterday at a place I have hiked to twice, Lasky Mesa, in the Upper Las Virgenes Open Space (“in or near Los Angeles,” as Grampa Google puts it), because I have searched high and low on the Interwebs and NO ONE has posted a photo of this neat and weird-looking little pool of water:

lasky mesa

Weird pool of water surrounded by sand/rock dunes, Lasky Mesa, Upper Las Virgenes Open Space, photo by Christine Lehman

Yes, you, faithful reader, are seeing something that most people don’t know exists! That’s what hiking does for you! (Well, that and making your knees hurt, but ya know, it’s always something!)

it's always something roseanne.jpg

See ya next time for more Adventures In Hiking!

*It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned it, but I do freelance transcription, which means I have to remember that one company’s Style Guide says to use “OK” and the other company says to use “Okay” and god/dess help you if you get confused. Get it? Got it? Good!

First 2020 Weigh-In: Danger Zone!!

All right, let’s get it over with!!

196.8
scales sorry charlie.jpg
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Yikes! Definitely up quite a bit since the last weigh-in before Christmas. And I’m much too close to my self-imposed “danger zone” border line (200 pounds) for comfort!

danger zone.jpg

However, it’s not QUITE as bad as it could have been. Mainly because of this AWESOME WEIGHT LOSS TIP I’m happy to pass on to you, my loyal readers, for FREE! to wit:

  1. If you don’t like your weight, go back to bed for an hour. Then weigh yourself again. 99.99% of the time, it’ll go down! And if it doesn’t, you’ve now got TWO weights to choose from!

goober pyle

Isn’t that amazing, kids? I’m sure there’s a completely scientific reason for it that I’m not qualified to explain, since I’m definitely not a scientist! But for some reason, THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK works for me, and therefore it must have tons of scientific validity behind it!

science trump.jpg

So you totally have my permission, on this Wednesday, January 8, 2020, to go back to bed! (If your boss gives you a hard time, tell them you visited a hypnotist yesterday and it hasn’t worn off yet.)

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See ya next week!

 

Last Post Before The New Year!

rise and shine.jpg

Yeah, I know, it’s not Groundhog Day yet, but it IS cold out there, campers! Here in beautiful Reseda, California, it was a bone-chilling 49 degrees every day last week! Then, er, we replaced the battery in our thermometer.

aa batteries.jpg

I mean, still kinda chilly! Not quite as consistently, though.

eyeroll

Anyhoo, let’s get to the weigh-in, shall we? Here we go!

193.0
fix smaller
ho ho no

Hey, same as last week! Not too shabby, considering we got a big giant Hickory Farms gift basket from my brother and sister-in-law (hi, Mike and Kim!) and most of it’s, um, well, not quite so giant anymore! And there’s more on the way from my cousin!

oh look pie.jpg

Yeah, it’s that time of year — but that also means we’re getting close to New Year’s Resolution Time, baby!

sw new goal

Yes, we’ll all get together and join hands and pledge to keep all the same resolutions we so enthusiastically gave up on last February!

whos with me.jpg

That’s OK, Bluto! You don’t have to worry about it for another coupla weeks! Meantime, as is my wont…

wont

…I’m giving myself a Blogging Break so I can enjoy the holidays guilt-free! (Or at least, without telling YOU about it!) And hey, why not take a Diet Break yourself? Go on!

go on go on.jpg

You deserve it! Enjoy all the special stuff you only get this time of year (and/or in January if you shop the clearance aisles at Walgreens)! I’ll meet you right back here on January 1, 2020, and we’ll renew our Commitment To Diet!

binge trump

And if it’s good enough for our Prez, it’s good enough for me! See you next year!!!

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Happy Thanksgiving – one weigh or another!

Well, well, it’s the day before Thanksgiving and I’m actually blogging! In prior years, I’ve given myself a holiday, but this year I think I’ll be a good little blogger and actually stick with my pledge to weigh myself every week, good, bad, or ugly. So let’s see what the ol’ scales say today … hmm hm hmm hm hmm …

191.8

sewell gasp

(Any excuse for a Rufus Sewell meme!)

Yeah, still on the higher side of what I’d like! Still, I’m not going to let it bother me. Mainly because it’s pouring down rain right now, and Mr. 50by60 and I have a long, slow slog ahead of us.

rain

So I’ll keep this short and sweet (like moi!) — have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! See you next week for the post-this holiday and pre-the next one edition!

Thanksgiving conversation starters and/or calorie burners!

Well, hello, everyone! Are you as excited about next week’s Big Giant Turkey Holiday (U.S. only) as I am? Bet you are! But before we get to that, how’s about the weigh-in?

191.4

A little lower than last week, so that’s good, right? Anyway, no worries! It’s that time of year, when we all gather round with our loving families, to clasp hands and, together, repeat those hallowed words:

And y’know, a lot of people worry about getting into political and/or religious arguments over holiday meals. I say, go for it! Nothing like a good knock-down, drag-out fistfight to keep that calorie deficit going!

So on that note, here’s a few ideas to get your family’s conversational balls rolling:

1. So, how soon do you think they’ll impeach Trump?

2. So, who’s paying for our meal, Elizabeth Warren or Andrew Yang?

3. Is it weird that I want Joe Biden to sniff MY hair?

4. When are you people going to [ditch religion/find God] and [enjoy your life/have a better life] already??

5. (take a deep sniff first) Um, you’re sure this turkey was cooked, right?

6. Hey [insert name of least favorite elderly relative here], are you going to take out your dentures again?

7. Hey [insert name of least favorite young whippersnapper relative here], when are you gonna get MARRIED and give us some GRANDchildren??

There ya go, seven questions guaranteed to get the blood flowing, so you can eat some more turkey and dressing!

Enjoy, and see ya next week!

Totally noncontroversial weigh-in!

Wow, sorry about getting super-controversial last week, folks! What can I say? Sometimes I just gotta let it all hang out!

cat hang out

Of course, that’s kinda the reason I’m doing a weight loss blog — too MUCH hanging out (nyuk nyuk!). So let’s ditch the controversy this week, and get right to the straight dope!

straight dopes 3 stooges

Hey, have you visited my other website yet? Why not? 

NO, not that one! (or that one, or that one! nyuk nyuk) I MEANT, the weigh-in!

192.8
NOT GREAT

YIKES! Well, for the past several weeks, I’ve been hangin’ out at Plateau Point. But for some reason, this week I’m trying to keep that rock from rolling back downhill!

sisyphus maintaining.jpg

I’m not complaining – there are worse places I could be. You know, like BACK OVER 200 POUNDS, which I am really wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ to avoid. (And yeah, I suppose a little workin’ out and calorie countin’ wouldn’t hurt, either!

captain obvious.jpg

Still, I haven’t given up hoping that one morning I’ll wake up and all this fat will magically be gone. It could happen! I read a Barbara Cartland* romance novel once where the heroine was a big fat princess who was engaged to a prince, but she had some sort of delicate medical emergency that entailed being put in a coma for several months, during which she lost all sorts of weight, after which the prince fell madly in love with her and begged her to marry him, which she agreed to do but only if they could do it RIGHT AWAY, so she could let herself go again after the wedding.

romantic.jpg

Of course, I’m already married, and I let myself go a long time ago! Still, a girl can dream, can’t she? See ya next week, everyone!

*Barbara Cartland (1901-2000) wrote tons of romance novels involving virgins who got in trouble (but not THAT kind of trouble) but always had a happy ending (and yeah, THAT kind of happy ending, although it was very, very, very delicately implied!), and when I was younger you could find her books EVERYWHERE, usually in laundromats or thrift shops with the front covers torn off. 

barbara cartland.jpg