Happy Thanksgiving – one weigh or another!

Well, well, it’s the day before Thanksgiving and I’m actually blogging! In prior years, I’ve given myself a holiday, but this year I think I’ll be a good little blogger and actually stick with my pledge to weigh myself every week, good, bad, or ugly. So let’s see what the ol’ scales say today … hmm hm hmm hm hmm …

191.8

sewell gasp

(Any excuse for a Rufus Sewell meme!)

Yeah, still on the higher side of what I’d like! Still, I’m not going to let it bother me. Mainly because it’s pouring down rain right now, and Mr. 50by60 and I have a long, slow slog ahead of us.

rain

So I’ll keep this short and sweet (like moi!) — have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! See you next week for the post-this holiday and pre-the next one edition!

Thanksgiving conversation starters and/or calorie burners!

Well, hello, everyone! Are you as excited about next week’s Big Giant Turkey Holiday (U.S. only) as I am? Bet you are! But before we get to that, how’s about the weigh-in?

191.4

A little lower than last week, so that’s good, right? Anyway, no worries! It’s that time of year, when we all gather round with our loving families, to clasp hands and, together, repeat those hallowed words:

And y’know, a lot of people worry about getting into political and/or religious arguments over holiday meals. I say, go for it! Nothing like a good knock-down, drag-out fistfight to keep that calorie deficit going!

So on that note, here’s a few ideas to get your family’s conversational balls rolling:

1. So, how soon do you think they’ll impeach Trump?

2. So, who’s paying for our meal, Elizabeth Warren or Andrew Yang?

3. Is it weird that I want Joe Biden to sniff MY hair?

4. When are you people going to [ditch religion/find God] and [enjoy your life/have a better life] already??

5. (take a deep sniff first) Um, you’re sure this turkey was cooked, right?

6. Hey [insert name of least favorite elderly relative here], are you going to take out your dentures again?

7. Hey [insert name of least favorite young whippersnapper relative here], when are you gonna get MARRIED and give us some GRANDchildren??

There ya go, seven questions guaranteed to get the blood flowing, so you can eat some more turkey and dressing!

Enjoy, and see ya next week!

Totally noncontroversial weigh-in!

Wow, sorry about getting super-controversial last week, folks! What can I say? Sometimes I just gotta let it all hang out!

cat hang out

Of course, that’s kinda the reason I’m doing a weight loss blog — too MUCH hanging out (nyuk nyuk!). So let’s ditch the controversy this week, and get right to the straight dope!

straight dopes 3 stooges

Hey, have you visited my other website yet? Why not? 

NO, not that one! (or that one, or that one! nyuk nyuk) I MEANT, the weigh-in!

192.8
NOT GREAT

YIKES! Well, for the past several weeks, I’ve been hangin’ out at Plateau Point. But for some reason, this week I’m trying to keep that rock from rolling back downhill!

sisyphus maintaining.jpg

I’m not complaining – there are worse places I could be. You know, like BACK OVER 200 POUNDS, which I am really wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ to avoid. (And yeah, I suppose a little workin’ out and calorie countin’ wouldn’t hurt, either!

captain obvious.jpg

Still, I haven’t given up hoping that one morning I’ll wake up and all this fat will magically be gone. It could happen! I read a Barbara Cartland* romance novel once where the heroine was a big fat princess who was engaged to a prince, but she had some sort of delicate medical emergency that entailed being put in a coma for several months, during which she lost all sorts of weight, after which the prince fell madly in love with her and begged her to marry him, which she agreed to do but only if they could do it RIGHT AWAY, so she could let herself go again after the wedding.

romantic.jpg

Of course, I’m already married, and I let myself go a long time ago! Still, a girl can dream, can’t she? See ya next week, everyone!

*Barbara Cartland (1901-2000) wrote tons of romance novels involving virgins who got in trouble (but not THAT kind of trouble) but always had a happy ending (and yeah, THAT kind of happy ending, although it was very, very, very delicately implied!), and when I was younger you could find her books EVERYWHERE, usually in laundromats or thrift shops with the front covers torn off. 

barbara cartland.jpg

 

 

Whether dieting or “Jesus-ing,” stick with the basics!

Welp, yet another small but HISTORICALLY significant gain this week — but some theological AND diet wisdom to go along with it! First, the annoying news:

190.4
don't step on scales
apple core

Yep, that’s right, as of today’s weigh-in, I’m no longer 50 pounds down!! Thus, I’ll either have to rename the blog (“50 by 61?” “50 by 62?”) OR get back to basics and recalibrate that diet!

cat mouse remember diet'

And in a weird weigh way, it kinda ties in with some theological stuff I’ve been dealing with. See, as you longtime regular readers (all 3 of you!) know, I’m a Byzantine Catholic.

babushka

However, every so often, like most sensible people, I have my doubts about the whole “religulous” thing. That’s because, also like a lot of otherwise sensible people, I have a tendency to let my religion get tied up with my politics, and wind up worshipping something more like the all-too-human leaders of my party of choice (whichever it is at the time) than any transcendent deity that may or may not exist!

And no matter which version of Jesus you favor, Democrat, Republican, or “other,” you have to know, deep down inside, that if there even is any such Person at all, He’s probably not tied to any one particular political party or ideology that we humanoids have managed to cobble together for ourselves!

30 rock we count those

Anyway, the nice thing about going through a bout of atheism on a regular basis is that it’s kinda like cleaning out that junk drawer in the kitchen.

junk drawer.jpgYou know how it is — you throw everything out, clean the drawer, leave it empty for a while, till one fine day you need to store a new kitchen thingy (“Hey, why not in that nice, clean, empty drawer?”) and then another thingy, and another,  till before you know it, everything’s back to normal! Except now, at least you’ve got NEW junk in there, instead of all the old junk, and for a while, anyway, maybe you’ll actually remember what’s in there, and occasionally even find something useful there!

batteries.jpg

(And trust me, I’m getting to the dieting stuff! Be patient!)

get on1

ANYHOO, so from time to time I throw out all the theological crap I’ve been storing in my internal junk drawer, aka “brain,” and then a few weeks/months/years later, I find myself with a brand new religious idea that makes sense! So I store it in my nice, clean, empty brain, then add another,  and another, till pretty soon everything’s back to normal, till the next spring cleaning time rolls around.

But the mistake a lot of theologically inclined people make when they’re losing their faith is to try and “Jesus” harder, a term I first came across in Rolltodisbelieve, a “nonreligious” Patheos blog by the very amusing and perceptive Captain Cassidy, aka Cassidy McGillicuddy. (And before my religulous friends get uptight, yes I’m still religious, but you know what? When you’re lost in the forest, sometimes it’s helpful to consult someone who’s outside it, and thus has a better view of the overall map!)

99 trees.jpg

Anyway, in a recent post, Captain Cassidy writes about how Christians rarely think about how they will cope if they find themselves starting to lose their faith:

If the doubters don’t want to do a bunch of busywork or they don’t respond in something other than the expected manner, then Christians fall back on accusing the doubters of Jesus-ing incorrectly. …
If doubters fail to resolve the doubt in question, then obviously the doubters allowed the scripts to fail.

Again, I don’t necessarily agree with all of the Captain’s *conclusions* in that post, but I sure do love the fact that she really pinpoints the problem(s) in ways that my fellow religulous friends are sometimes afraid to! And that brings me — AT LONG LAST!! — to the connection with the diet!

finally

When a longtime dieter who’s lost a whole bunch of weight starts regaining — “Why is this happening? I’m doing all the same stuff I was doing before! I’m eating all the same stuff!” — and they go online, what happens? Do they get sympathy (“Oh yeah, I’ve been there! Don’t worry, just take some deep breaths, get on with your life, take it one day at a time, it’ll all work out!“)? Well, maybe sometimes, but more often, they get stuff like:

“You’re dieting wrong! You should be [fill in fad diet of the month here] instead! What are your macros? Check your macros! Keto! Vegan! Calories don’t count!”

So here’s the connection! (OPINION ALERT!) Just like there’s all sorts of religions out there — all sorts of ways to find God and/or be spiritual or whatever — the ultimate goal of the best of them seems to boil down to having, and expressing, compassion and empathy for everyone.

jesus tattoos stupid questions

Now, some religions do that better than others, but you have to admit that’s at least the ideal, right? Well, the ultimate goal of every DIET is, of course, to lose weight! And some of them do that better than others — but they all do it by producing the same result: the all-important CALORIE DEFICIT!

calories points

As another blogger I admire, Jay at aworkoutroutine, points out, the best diet is the one that achieves that:

Whatever diet plan best suits your personal goals, needs and preferences and is therefore going to allow you to put the required fundamental principles of weight loss into action in the most Preferable, Enjoyable, Convenient and Sustainable (PECS!) way possible… THAT is the diet that’s best for you.

And that ties in with my personal opinion about “which is the best religion?”

brockman true faith.jpg

OPINION ALERT: The best religion is the one that makes you less likely to deliberately run over someone on your way to/from work — and the best diet is the one that results in a calorie deficit!!

Yes! It took a while but we finally got there!

what year fox.jpg

So there you go, your deep, heavy theological and dieting wisdom for the day! And yeah, I know this was a super-long post, but then again, I’m super-late posting it, so deal with it! See you next week!

happy wednesday.jpg

Super Scary Hallowe’en Weigh-In Edition!

Well, good morning, boys and girls! As you know, it’s almost time for the scariest day of the year — All Hallows Eve!! And Aunt 50by60 has some really scary stuff for you today!

count on it

First, of course, there’s the obligatory Weekly Weigh-in. Well, now THAT can’t be too scary! I mean, yeah, I haven’t exercised as much this last week, but I’ve been keeping an eye on my calories, kinda-sorta more-or-less! So let’s just step on the scales…

don't step on scales

…and see what…EEEK!!

190.0??
mr bill

Yikes! 190 is my (self-designated) Official Cutoff Point O’ Doom! So that’s really scary because it means I DO have to get off my butt this week and do some (eek) exercise!

paranormal weight room

And that’s gonna be REALLY tough because, as hinted at in last week’s post, we’ve just welcomed a new addition to the 50by60 household — meet PUMPKIN!

pumpkin princess

As you can see, Pumpkin, a black cat with gorgeous orange eyes (which you can’t see because, like all cats, she’s usually asleep) is getting into the Hallowe’en spirit by making herself comfortable on the shelf directly above the Memorial Shelf, where we keep the mementos of our beloved previous cat, +Princess+, who perished just a year ago yesterday.

Princess 3

And just to make it sadder, +Princess+ died on Mr. 50by60’s birthday last year.

sad kitteh.jpg

THIS year, he had to go to the dentist and get a filling and a crown. Hmm — maybe next year we should plan something a tad more cheerful!

wide

Anyway, we miss +Miss Princess+, so we’re thrilled to welcome Miss Pumpkin to take her place in our home (although of course, never in our hearts!). Our other cat, Buddy, is still debating about how HE feels about it!

new kitten

However, I’ve found a little extra food in his bowl makes him calm down about the whole situation. That works for humans too — which is probably why my weight is going UP rather than DOWN! You may have noticed we’ve had a couple of wildfires out here in So Cal (and No Cal) over the past few, um, weeks? (I’ve lost track.)

wildfire1

Pretty much every morning over the past couple of weeks, we’ve awakened to yet another round of smoke, ashes, high winds, and red fonts on the Drudge Report. This morning’s outbreak is just past Simi Valley, near the Reagan Library — AND not too far from my favorite 24 Hour Fitness Location!

24hrpool

YES, the one with the pool!!

So best wishes to all the beleaguered firefighters who are definitely being stretched thin! Which makes my efforts to get thin seem kinda unimportant, in the grand scheme of things, right? Still, I haven’t given up hope! At some point (if Pumpkin lets me)…

lap

…I’ll stand up, grab my water bottle (and my face mask), and take a nice long walk through the beautiful Southern California autumn!

happy fall so cal

Well, that’s it!

joe flaherty count floyd scary.jpg

Enjoy your week!

Stray Cat Blues!

Oh yeah! Hmm, I seem to be singin’ the blues a lot lately on this blog, don’t I? The Summertime Blues, the Not Enough Quarters for the Washing Machine Blues, and of course, everyone’s favorite, that seemingly never-ending waltz around “Plateau Point!” This week is a little less tragic – I’m down to:

189.0

A miniscule little drop, to be sure, but still, any loss of elevation is welcome (unless you’re on Viagra, I guess?).

Anyway, the “stray cat” of my title song is a cute little black kitten who’s trying to stake out territory in the space between our house and the neighbors, as well as in MY HEART waahhh!!

The thing is, although (of course!) he’s super cute, neither Mr. 50by60 nor our current alpha cat, the Budster, is really ready for a cute new interloper just yet. After all, it’s been less than a year since our beloved Princess went to Kitty Heaven,

taking our hearts with her! And none of us is really quite sure we’re ready to reclaim our hearts from way up there and start from scratch (literally – I mean, it’s a cat!) with a new furry friend. But like all good salespeople, Li’l Blackie hasn’t given up yet!

And to be honest, he’s already wormed his way into — if not my heart, at least into that vast Catholic guilt complex inside my head.

I’ve been buying extra cat food and leaving it out between the houses for him, as well as lying awake at night, worrying that he’ll be too cold out there. “It’s 50 degrees!!! Won’t he freeze to death?”

So we’ll see what happens. If nothing else, all this stress should result in a nice, juicy weight loss next week! By which time, by the by, and getting back to the “Washing Machine Blues,” we may just have a brand new washing machine, y’all!!!

Stay tuned — I’ll update you next week on the cats, the major appliances, and of course, the continuing saga of The Weight!!

I got the “not enough quarters for the washing machine” blues!

Well, hey there, and a hearty good morning to all my nieces and nephews out there in Blogland! Yes, it’s Auntie 50by60, here to entertain you with another edition of “Why Can’t I Get Off Plateau Point??”

plateau point

That’s right, today’s weight is (drum roll please):

189.2
scales
woo hoo

Yep, EXACTLY the same as last week, give or take a millimeter or so.

silly little millimeter

And that’s fine! I’m not really complaining. Just that earlier in the week, it swooped down to a dazzling 185.4, which I was hoping was a harbinger of the future! Unfortunately, like 99.999% of all predictions and prophecies (so far!), that turned out to be incorrect!

predictions tough

No duh, Yogi Berra! Well, anyway, getting back to the TITLE of this here blog post, our beloved washing machine of 23+ years picked this week to pass on to its eternal reward, taking the ease of tossing our dirty duds into it at any time of day or night, for free, with it. At first, Mr. 50by60 thought he might be able to repair it.

i man washing.jpg

But it was too far gone, so we’ve decided to replace it instead. However, due to busy schedules and a general lack of resolve, we’re putting it off till next weekend, or maybe the week after that. Sometime before Thanksgiving, that’s for sure!

drew appliances

Meanwhile, I’m enjoying what used to be a major social event in my single days: going to the laundromat!

trump laundromat.jpg

And I have to say, it’s actually kinda fun! Our neighborhood laundromat (located in the semi-strip mall where the Jo-Ann’s used to be, thus and hence having oodles of parking) is sparkling clean, not too crowded at the times I was there, and most importantly, has a restroom that’s actually been cleaned within living memory!

employee hands

So far I’ve hauled our big bags of stinky laundry down there twice, and enjoyed all that retro laundry stuff immensely. You know, estimating how long the wash cycle will be so you can figure out how many snacks you’ll have time to consume out of the overpriced vending machine … Oops!!

just kidding.jpg

Forgot for a moment I’m a respected, prestigious diet blogger!! No, what I meant to say (ahem!) was, estimating how long the wash cycle will be so you can figure out how much time you’ll have for a nice, healthy walk or jog!

parks and rec jogging is the worst.jpg

And then, of course, since our dryer is still working, I haul all the wet stuff back home so I can save the few precious, precious quarters that are still left. Although I have to confess, last time I cheated and used the dryer. Yeah, I know, 75 cents down the drain, but it gave me an extra half hour to scarf down some Doritos eat some healthy salad!

parks and rec salad.jpeg

So as you can see, I’ve definitely had some ups and downs this week, and not just the weight! However, on a brighter note, the temps have been dropping a lot, due to this thing called climate change autumn, so you know what that means — it’s outdoor exercise time!

suns out guns out.jpg

Yeah!! So hopefully next week I’ll have (a) climbed down from Plateau Point, (b) taken steps towards getting that fancy schmancy new washing machine, and (c) most importantly, found some Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer at the grocery store!

are-we-done-here-my-pumpkin-spice-catnip-isgoingstale-5739867

Seriously, they just fly off the shelves! So wish me luck — and have a GREAT week, y’all! Remember, Hallowe’en is on the way!!

halloween samhain.jpg

Sigh…okay, back to the grind, then!

gasp.jpg

Yeah, the bad news is:

189.0
30 rock no.jpg

Yikes! Well, that’s what happens when you (a) don’t count your calories and (b) spend a whole lotta time with your feet up on your comfy recliner binge-watching “30 Rock” during the “dog days” of summer!

30 rock kenneth dog.jpg

The good news is, it’s a wake-up call to get back to the basics:

1. Count my calories,

30 rock not much cheese.jpg

2. Eat right,

whole grain.jpg

and of course,

3. Exercise!

muffin top 4.jpg

No excuses! And I’m gonna get started…right AFTER my planned vacation, which starts, er, today! and hey, it’s in Phoenix, Arizona, so maybe the pounds will MELT off!

30 rock r and r.jpg

So I’ll try to spend the next week eating sensibly, yada yada yada, and we’ll see what happens.

yada yada.jpg

(my NEXT binge watch??)

Have a great week!

A little up, a little down – it’s all good!

Up a little this morning:

186.4
sw open door

but ya know, it’s OK! I did a whole bunch of long walks last week, mostly alone but one with Mr. 50by60, just around the neighborhood, enjoying all the fresh graffiti.

So that’s something we both enjoy! And over the next few days, we’ll be doing something ELSE we both enjoy on a regular basis!

whaa

That’s right — we’re going on another train trip!

tunnel train.jpg

[off-stage whispers]

You thought WHAT?? Oh come on, get your minds outta the gutter!

jeez napoleon.jpg

Anyway, we’re taking the fabulous Amtrak Coast Starlight up to Olympia, Washington for a church thingy, which should be lots of fun (as long as I don’t run into anyone who’s heard about my recent rants against church men telling church women how to dress and behave)!

right eye.jpg

And of course, being on the train, and then at a hotel, and then at a church thingy, means pretty much the same thing to us lifelong dieters:

regret

So I might not do a weigh-in next week! I’ll do some sort of post, though, to let you know how the trip went, and maybe share some photos too. Meanwhile, hope YOU have a great week, and remember:

woman resistance

 

Another week fighting the fat (and patriarchy)!

Good morning, and happy Tuesday, everyone! First of all, I wanted to express my sympathies to all the victims of gun violence over the past few days. It’s heart-wrenching and happens all too often. Let’s see if we can do anything useful about it *this* time, ok?

gun

Anyway, my weight remains steady:

186.0
70s scales
zerogood

in spite of (or perhaps because of) a week spent arguing against patriarchy within my beloved Byzantine Catholic church. Specifically, one of *our* priests (gasp!) posting propaganda videos for something called “The New Emangelization Project.” (Go ahead … read it! I’ll wait)

eyeroll

I know, right? Anyway, it’s not like the whole idea of “men do this, women do that” isn’t already pretty much baked into Church teaching … I get that. However, this particular group was apparently founded specifically by the very manly Cardinal Raymond Burke:

burke.jpg

to push the idea that all the problems in the Church today — especially the child abuse scandals — are happening because of (brace yourself) WOMEN!

gasp

Yeah, that’s right! If all those pushy women hadn’t been pushing their way forward from the back of the bus, er, church, and demanding the right to stand somewhere in the vicinity of the altar so they, too, could wear long dresses and lace in front of God, then the good Christian men wearing all those long dresses and lace wouldn’t have abused all those little kids!

makes sense.jpg

Also, he wants women to stop wearing clothes he doesn’t approve of, because it makes him nervous.

right eye.jpg

Anyway, that’s what I’m on about now. And yeah, I realize fighting patriarchy within the Catholic Church is an unwinnable fight. But hey, I figure I’ve got at least as much of a chance of winning that one as Americans have of ending violent mass shootings within our lifetimes. So it’s worth a shot! (get it?)

don't get it.jpg

And yeah, I’m following through on my suggestion a few weeks ago that this blog might indeed transition into something a bit more political! Let me know what you think! Meanwhile, have a good, safe, and PEACEFUL week, my sisters and my brothers!

peace out buddy christ.jpg