A Sternly Worded Letter to my Bathroom Scales

Dear Scales:

You have been weighed in the scales, and found wanting!

This morning you told me I weighed


And I don’t understand why! I’ve been going for walks, counting my calories (well … kinda …) and also, I’m a really good person! So I don’t understand why you’re punishing me like this!

Oh! Well, sorry, then, Lord*! But I admit, I’m getting a little frustrated! And not to knock Science and everything, but y’know, I really need to find someone (else) to blame for this, because I’m getting dangerously close to my own personal Point of No Return!

Which, if you haven’t been paying attention to my mutterings as I stand on you* every morning, is 200 pounderinos! And you’re bringing me WAY too close to that number, Scales — like a Covidiot ignoring social distancing rules!

And yes I KNOW I haven’t been writing down ALL my calories, every day, and yes I KNOW I haven’t been doing any kind of meaningful workouts for weeks, other than the occasional hikes!

So I’m giving you fair warning — NEXT week, you better show a WAY lower number. ‘Cause I’ve got a hammer, and I know how to use it!


Your Owner and, therefore, for the purposes of this blog entry, your Boss!

* and Scales!
** Still talking to the Scales here — not you, the reader! Much less to the Lord! Standing on the Lord might be all well and good from a poetic, theological standpoint but realistically, S/he might not appreciate it. And as I always say re: these pesky theological matters: why take chances?

3 Signs You Should Step Off the Scale (Shared post from MyFitnessPal)


Good morning, everyone! Here’s an excellent post from My Fitness Pal which really resonated with me this morning. Enjoy!

Should You Weigh Yourself? 3 Signs to Step Off the Scale

by Elizabeth Millard

Daily weigh-ins can be a valuable tool in understanding where you are in terms of a goal. But for me, and for many others, it can also become a source of anxiety and frustration.

Here are three signs you might want to put the scale away for at least a little while:

You can read the rest here! And after reading this, I think I am going to take a break from the daily weigh-ins. Maybe the best thing to do is focus on our overall health and enjoyment of life, and not let the numbers dictate our feelings.

As Elizabeth points out in the article:

After I stepped away from the scale for a while, I ended up going back with a better strategy and attitude. I chose to weigh myself weekly instead of daily, and to use that number as a guide that could help me tweak my caloric intake and activity levels — not as a set on an emotional roller coaster.


Makes a lot of sense! Hopefully, this article will give you something to think about as well.

Hope you enjoyed this “surprise” mid-week post — see you next Tuesday for the weigh-in!

Monday Weigh-In: Happy Uncooperative Scales Day!

First, the weigh-in (for all you who are viewing it on a mobile site and don’t have time for all this meme nonsense, harrumph!):

70s scales

Yay! That’s actually quite a lot of weight lost since last week!!

Which is a good thing — don’t think by the post title that I’m complaining! However, *yesterday* (Sunday) morning’s weigh-in was a scary 181.0, which means either:

  1. It’s just normal daily weight fluctuations,
    roller coaster.jpg
    OR —
  2. the scales have become sentient and are taunting us!
    scale liar.jpg

Yeah, I can’t think of any other explanations, can you? Plus Mr. 50by60 was disappointed by *his* weigh-in this morning, so y’know, it’s GOTTA be the scales, right? The uncooperative scales! We’ll have to do something about that, I think.

joan crawford

Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! How’s YOUR Monday goin’?



Friday Five: How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Scales

One of my loyal 50by60 readers (and not coincidentally, one of my favorite cousins!) confided last week that she’s developed a fear of getting back on the scales after the holidays.

scale lucy jpg

Well, Margaret, I’m here to help you — and anyone else who’s nervous about facing The Shocking Truth! (aka your post-holiday weight) — with five ways to make sure your scales give you the numbers you KNOW you deserve!

  1. Before getting on the scales, make SURE you cross yourself, say three Hail Mary’s and apologize to Our Lord for sullying His birthday season with your atrocious overeating!
  2. Repeat after me: “it’s water weight! it’s just water weight!” and subtract 10 pounds from whatever the stupid numbers say!
  3. Be sure to stand on the correct part of the scales! Even a millimeter off center can create a margin of error of up to 20 pounds!
  4. VERY important: did you remove ALL your clothes? And the weight’s still too high? Well, keep stripping down — anything other than what God graced you with at birth has gotta go!
  5. And if none of those ideas works for you, here’s a thought —
    Yeah, I know — really wacky and rad! But what the heck, it’s worth a shot, right? I mean, seriously, if all else fails, why not try counting your calories every day for a week, and THEN looking at the scales? You just might be surprised!

As I’m hoping *I* will be, come Monday’s weigh-in! Will I finally get back into the (1)70’s? We’ll find out — together!


Meanwhile, have a great weekend!

Time for the Rhymin’ Weekly Weigh-in!, and Don’t Let The Numbers Get You Down!

“Aha!” I bet you’re thinking. “Based on that provocative title, I bet she’s got a weight GAIN to report this week!”

Well, let’s find out, shall we? Here we go:

Get the brownie mix!

Down 0.4 pounds, baby! Although — let me tell you a li’l story.

This morning, I got up at about 5:45 a.m. to let the cats out. (Yes, we let our cats go out. They come back. They sleep for the rest of the day. Don’t hate me.) I held the door open for them for about five minutes, as I shivered in the subzero Arctic temperatures (46° F, brr!!), till they finally sauntered out.

On the way back to my warm warm bed, I stepped on the digital scales and weighed myself, for the first time.

Man alive!

Needless to say, I was stoked! Almost 7 pounds lost since last week? What a killer blog I was gonna have today! The late, great Huell Howser would arise from the sludge of his eternal resting place (Palm Springs, I believe), to proclaim my awesomeness!


But guess what? After lying in bed for about an hour, dreaming of my frabjillious weight loss, I finally got up (the cats again — this time, they wanted FOOD, ferkryinoutlowd), and weighed myself again.

And guess what? I’d gained back 6 of those magical 7 pounds!! All in the space of a little more than an hour!


So — if you’re one of those people who lives and dies by the numbers on the scale, maybe you need to rethink your philosophy of life, the universe, and weight loss. Those numbers can drive you nuts, if you think too much about them. Numbers suck, really.


And I for one am thrilled that I’ve lost as much weight as I have already. If anyone who tells you “calories don’t count,” you have my permission to punish them, severely!


Have a super-awesome week, everyone, and a happy Thanksgiving to all!


Friday Five – Take control of your numbers!

Hey, everyone! Depressed because the numbers on the scale aren’t going the direction you think they should? Never fear! Here’s five ideas to help you take control of those nasty numbers!

1. As recommended by many, many REPUTABLE fitness folks, including Jay at aworkoutroutine.com, don’t just weigh yourself once a week. Even if you’re doing so on the same day, at the same time, in the same clothing, your weight does fluctuate a LOT, even during the course of a day, and you may just happen to catch yourself at a point where it’s fluctuated upwards from last week’s – even though you’re still losing! Weigh yourself every day, 7* days a week, add those 7* numbers together, and divide by 7*, for a much more accurate weekly weight.

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

2. *If you’re like me, and like taking the weekends off, substitute “5” for those “7s” in 1. above. Monday through Friday works better for me. More businesslike, shall we say. And those of us who were caught in the Great Downsizing of 2009, who now spend our time working for pennies at Amazon Mechanical Turk, taking surveys, and writing inane blogs, need to preserve as businesslike a mien as possible, n’est pas?

3. Ditch the fractions! Fractions are nobody’s friend. They drove you nuts in junior high, and they’ve never stopped. How many times has this happened to you? You weigh yourself on Monday – 221.1. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – all 221.1. Looking good, right? Then comes the Friday Fluctuation Express – 222.7! Holey Moley! Now your weekly average (if you’re dividing by 5 – see 2., above) is 221.3! And you’re all freaked out, because you gained 0.2 pounds! Try this: DITCH THAT FRACTION! Now your weekly average is 221, and danged if you didn’t LOSE 0.1 pounds!

Strut your stuff, baby, and tell Math to take a hike!

4. Trick your brain! That big piece o’flesh inside your skull is the perennial Lennie to your George. Even when you TELL it, “Hey, Lennie, I’m gonna be fooling you this week,” ol’ Lennie just smiles and say, “Duh, OK, George! Say, where’s them rabbits?” So here’s what you’re gonna do, George. You know how, when you weigh yourself, you’re usually either completely naked, or at least mostly (depending on the temperature)? Well, this week only, weigh yourself every day COMPLETELY CLOTHED. Shoes, work clothes, parka – the works!

Naturally, your weekly average THIS week will be higher – a gain. But get this – the FOLLOWING week, when you resume stripping down to au natural status again – GUARANTEED weight loss, in two weeks, baby! For the rabbits, George!

5. And, if all else fails –

That’s it for today! Hope you have a great weekend! Oh, and if you’re not one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to deal with it, enjoy that extra hour of darkness on Monday morning!



(Unused Pingback of the Day: Neighbors!)

Friday Five – More Pingback Fun!

Today’s Friday Five is basically just a bunch of random thoughts, in which I’ve subtly incorporated miscellaneous WordPress Daily Prompts from the past week or so, because why not?

  1. When your body releases weight, where exactly does it go? I assume a lot of it goes here:

    But as Rhoda on the old “Mary Tyler Moore Show” once speculated, maybe some of it just kind of floats around in the air, waiting for us to succumb to the allure of that giant chocolate donut.


  2. I can’t express how grateful I am that you’re reading this blog! Not that it takes much bravery to read a blog. I mean, basically you just have to bookmark it, and/or follow whatever prompt it was that led you here. So it’s not super-risky or anything. Basically, you’re just moving a finger or two. Still, at this time of the morning, even moving a finger can be difficult. It’s nice of you to do it, and your loyalty is much appreciated. Thanks!
    (All right, ENOUGH!! Someone’s gonna get hurt!)
  1. Hey, next week I’m going on a trip! Yes, I’m throwing some old clothes into my old clunker car and driving across the desert to beautiful, shopping-mall-infested Phoenix, Arizona! Should be fun, huh? Well, we’ll see. It’ll be my first opportunity to “road-test” my calorie-counting diet, so I’ll keep you posted if any interesting challenges pop up along the way.
    road trip
  2. The biggest challenge I had this past week wasn’t the diet, but the exercise. Every day, I planned to go out and do a walk, or lift some weights. And every day, I found an excuse to succumb (sorry!) to the allure of a good book and/or a comfy chair. Still, the nice thing about doing diet AND exercise is that if you slack off on one, you’ve still got the other, to keep you balanced.
  1. I’m debating whether to take the old Weight Watchers scales with me on my trip. Most hotels don’t put scales in their bathrooms (their insurance probably won’t cover the damage from enraged road-food munchers), so it’d make it a little easier for me to weigh myself daily, as I’ve been doing.Or I could just go rogue — wait till I get home, and do a one-off once-a-week-just-for-this-week-only weigh-in. I’ll probably make the decision at the last possible second, based solely on whether or not I remember to actually take the scales with me, or just drop them in the desert somewhere on the way.

That’s it – thanks, everyone! See you on the other side of the weekend!

A few Friday quickies!

When I started this blog, I imagined writing long posts, maybe (in my incredible optimism) even one per day.

Well, rather than wait for inspiration to strike, today I’m going to emulate Amy Welborn’s weekly “7 Quick Takes” over at Charlotte was Both, and just do a post with a few short, pithy* observations, comments, and whatnot.

  1. Happy first day of Fall! Yes, the leaves have started turning gorgeous colors (even out here in Southern California); the temperatures have been dropping (57 degrees Fahrenheit this morning, brr!!); and most importantly, the Christmas decorations are showing up at the drugstores. So we know it’s coming, right? The dreaded Holiday Season (aaughh!!) which causes so much angst to so many (and not just us dieters!).

    But be of good cheer – one of the advantages of getting older is that time seems to pass a lot more quickly. Before you know it, it’ll be Spring again (aaughh!!).


  2. In Praise of Fake Foods: Again, I was gonna do a whole blog post on this, and in fact, maybe I will, in the future. But yesterday I had a couple of completely fake slices of “vegan cheese,” and I just have to say, they were actually not too bad. A little oily-tasting (engine, not vegetable), but there was enough of a hint of a taste of actual cheese in it to satisfy my Cheese Lust, for a few minutes, anyway. So yay fake cheese, I guess (but not for too much longer!).
  3. My husband is freaking out, on an almost daily basis, about the fact that our venerable old Weight Watchers digital scale (which, I’d like to point out, HE selected and purchased) is slightly inaccurate. Actually, it’s INCREDIBLY inaccurate. And not in a good way, like the even older analog scale which it replaced, which you could easily readjust (downwards) by sliding the little metal lever at the back just a li-t-t-l-e bit to the right. No, this one goes UP by two or three pounds, within a matter of seconds. I keep telling him to just do the weigh-yourself-every-day-and-only-count-the-average method, and he says he does, but he still freaks out. I sense some new scales in our future.


  4. I’m doing pretty well with my exercise promises. This week, I did nice long walks (at least 30 minutes) on Tuesday and Thursday, and plan to do another one tomorrow (Saturday), for my bare minimum of three days a week. Now, I know a lot of fitness gurus out there say we should be doing this kind of thing every day. Well, I don’t know about you, but most of my “keeping commitments” energy is spent on remembering to brush and floss every day. So exercising three days a week isn’t too shabby, if you ask me!


  5. Right now, I’m cooking a really yummy-smelling lunch: no-egg-yolk pasta, topped with just a sprinkling of cheese (the real, non-crankcase kind!), tuna, frozen veggies, and lots and lots and LOTS of garlic and onion powder. Mmm! (And yeah, I’ll definitely be brushing and flossing afterwards!)


OK, that’s it – my Friday Five! Hope your first day of Fall is a scintillating one. (Dare I say it might be a good time to turn over a new leaf? Hee hee!)

(*watch your pronunciation there!)