Eureka, I’ve Got it! The Anti-Karen Solution??

So while I was growling over the weight GAIN this morning,

197.4

I tried to console myself by watching some of the new “Karen” videos that have bombarded my Facebook feed lately. Karen after Karen after Karen (female AND male), screaming in grocery stores, upscale fashion stores, and pretty much everywhere, all about how the Evil Government canNOT make them wear masks, and masks force them to breathe their own icky breath for way too long, and etc. ad nauseum!

And also reading about how in all those places where the Evil Government is NOT making them wear a mask, the equally Evil Virus is returning and the curve, which was sort of flattening — you know, like my weight was sort of dropping, until my gym closed down and life as we know it all kinda came to a screeching halt?



And I suddenly had a GREAT idea! Why not harness the power, energy, and all that pent-up Karen rage, and use it to our advantage?



First of all, if you’re one of the Karens going around yelling “Democratic PIGS!” and screaming that all the Democratic governors are forcing them to wear masks, please leave the blog for a few minutes. Okay? Thanks!



(looks around) are they gone? Great! Here’s the idea — and please feel free to pass this on to your Evil Democratic governator:

Make it ILLEGAL to go out in public WITH a face mask!!

Take a moment to mull it over, and you’ll see the absolute brilliance of this idea!

Karens in every Democratic-governored state will scream in anger:

You can’t take away my mask! You Democratic PIGS!!

and

I’ll give you my face mask when you pry it from my cold, dead FACE!!

MAGA 4EVER!! masks, manufactured by Trump Industries (basically, Karen personified) will proliferate everywhere,  and the economy will come roaring back!

Meanwhile, all of us (you and me, the ones who didn’t leave the room) will know it’s all a ploy to keep us safe from Hurricane Karen!

I’m sure there are some bugs in the idea, but I don’t have time to figure them out. Feel free to give me your thoughts in the comments!

See you next week!

Wednesday Wildflower Walk Weigh-In!

Good morning, peeps! Great to see you! How are you holding up? Feel free to rant in the comments!

First things first: the weigh-in!

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Down a pound, which is nothing to sneeze at! And speaking of sneezing …

yours truly saw some lovely wildflowers on a hiking trail in an undisclosed location in the beautiful San Fernando Valley area yesterday! Here’s a few photos for your enjoyment:

Oh, and just FYI, the REASON I’m not disclosing the location is I don’t want all you nitwits to go out there tomorrow and ruin it for me!

Find a nice place to walk in your OWN neighborhood that only you and your neighborinos know about. If you can’t find one, well, there’s always the ol’ Staycation, right in your own back yard (if you’re lucky enough to have one)!

And remember, both Aunt Chrissy (a left-wing loony) and Mr. 50by60 (a right-wing NON-covidiot) say, wear your masks, please!

At least when there are other people around! If you’re alone, it’s probably OK to take it off — maybe!

In which case, you’re on your own!! See ya next week!

In these difficult times, have some more ice cream!

Well, hey, everyone! Welcome aboard! Yes, it’s Wednesday … again …

groundhog day documentary

and it’s not yet April 30th (that’s tomorrow!) so I’m still not doing my Official Weigh-In, but you’ll be happy to hear I’m doing my best to avoid the so-called “COVID-15.”

dr who fat

Or will you? Because frankly, that’s one of those terms that’s become an annoying cliche or catchphrase.

cliche

And I dunno about you, but there are quite a few phrases I’d like to see banished from polite conversation, when all this is over! For example:

“We’re all in the same boat.” — Uh well, no, we’re not!! A celebrity living in a mansion with your own private gym, swimming pool, tennis courts, and live-in servants, is in a very different boat than a single mother living in a studio apartment in North Hollywood with three screaming kids.

same boat

“Social distancing” — Not that I have ANY problem with the concept of staying at least six feet away from all other human beings! As an introvert, I pretty much do that anyway! Still, what with email, text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, Zoom meetings galore, and all those fancy-schmancy new parts of The Interwebs, we’re doing way more social networking, so the “social” part of the “distancing” doesn’t really make sense.

social distancing baptism

“In these difficult/challenging/uncertain times, buy more stuff!” Look, I get it — small businesses are struggling, and they’re trying to figure out how to stay afloat while keeping both their employees and their customers safe. But ultimately, they’re trying to figure out how to keep selling stuff, because that’s what they do. Which is fine! I ain’t no commie! But look — they’re spending , like, 90% of their advertising budget right now TELLING us that they’re doing all this!! Pro tip: Just Do It! And donate all that ad revenue to a food bank or something!

batman robin challenging times

“Because we’re all in this together” — and yeah, I know, that’s kinda similar to the “same boat” one. However, I’m mentioning it specifically because it’s now the main tagline on virtually every commercial break at my otherwise favorite radio station, KFI AM 640, in Los Angeles, a pleasant mix of angst and comedy that accompanies my daily crafting efforts out in my She Shed. I’m guessing when this is all over, that (as well as some of these other phrases) is gonna become a punchline for some pretty tasteless jokes, and I for one can’t wait!

were all in this together

“When all this is over” — Yes, well, here I have to point the finger directly at myself, as I use this one all the time! And it’s never REALLY gonna be over. I don’t know about you, but I for one am gonna be hanging onto the face masks, hoarding toilet paper, and backing away from human contact for many years to come!

parakeet back off

Sigh — well, that’s all I got right now, folks. I haven’t actually had breakfast yet — just a little cofveve, to get my brain in gear. (And it worked, right?)

block print by artnoose

Anyway, when this is all over, I’ll post my official weigh-in again, because we’re all in this together! See ya next week!!

bach next week

Are we focusing too much on weight during the lockdown?

Hey, everyone! How are you holding up? I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a lot of quality crocheting and knitting projects done.

And my weight is pretty much staying the same, a little up, a little down, but basically circling around the same area it’s been for the last several months:

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However, I’m thinking after today I might give myself a break from the weigh-ins.

Don’t worry, I’ll still blog! But I came across this article in Glamour Magazine last week, “Everyone is Terrified of Getting ‘Quarantine Fat’ and Just Enough Already,” in which author Lindsay Schallon says:

Despite the fact we’re going through an unprecedented health crisis, the prevailing message on social media right now is that we’re somehow supposed to be “making the most” of our time spent indoors. Write that novelOrganize your closetBake breadGet quarantine fit!

Now, I don’t blame anyone for taking up a new hobby in order to distract themselves. You can only have so many conversations with your cat until you begin to feel completely deranged. But that last one—the idea that we should be using all this “extra time” to lose weight, or at least not gain any—moves beyond feeling productive and gives into a societal fear I thought we were moving past: Getting “fat.”

And I think she makes some great points! It’s what I’ve been saying as well: if cocooning with a good book and a big bowl of M&M-laced trail mix is what you need to help you get through this time of very legitimate angst, I am NOT going to tell you you’re wrong!

And neither is Pope Frankie!

So do what you need to do to stay sane! Sure, I think it’s great if you’re enthusiastic about doing more exercise and working out and sticking to your diet. But it’s ALSO great if you’d rather put off the healthy stuff till the crisis passes.

Do what you need to do! And in the spirit of nonjudgmentalism (also because, frankly, next week is Easter, which means a whole lot of cheese and chocolate and eggs and meat, in our household anyway!)…

…I’m hereby giving MYSELF a break from the Official Weekly Rhymin’ Weigh-Ins, till April 30th.

(and btw, so long, Schitts Creek!! loved that series finale!!)

Again, I’ll still check in on Wednesdays with a cheery “howdy”! Just won’t be updating the numbers for a while. So feel perfectly free to do the same! You have this kinda-sorta diet guru’s full permission!

See ya next week for the NON-weigh-in!

And now for something completely different!

Thought I’d take a break from the weigh-in this week, travel back in time, and have a conversation with my grandfather.

Edward Paul “Eddie” Meisburger, Oct 26, 1895 – June 1979 — we just called him “Papa!”

He was a journalist, and also pals with President Harry S Truman (for real!)

That’s Papa, second from right, with HST on the left

So I figured he’d have some good insights into our current situation! I told him all about the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, and all the “shelter at home” and “social distancing” stuff.

Happy 15th anniversary to “The Office”!

I told him how jarring it was to go to the grocery store now and have to stand in a long line to get inside, where the shelves were increasingly empty.

Though for some strange reason, there’s plenty of vegan meat and cheese substitutes!

I told him how frustrated we all were at the fact that no one had any idea how long this was going to last, or how it was going to end.

He nodded, took a sip from his hip flask, and asked, “And who’s your President these days?”

“Donald J. Trump,” I replied.

Papa looked startled for a moment, then turned his head to look at the calendar on the wall behind him.

And he chuckled. “Good one, kiddo — you had me going there for a while!”

Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody! See you next week, where I promise to do an actual weigh-in, maybe! Oh, and enjoy these “bonus alternate endings” from an idea by Mr. 50by60: