Oh well, at least fat isn’t contagious!

This will be short – I’m running late!

Sorry to report this, but my weight

is UP a bit, to:

198.8

Still, there’s one thought that gives me relief:

I’m not contagious – so I can’t cause grief, like, oh, I dunno …

(Sorry for the short post — hope you have a great week!)

Just a flesh wound!

Yeah, it’s a teensy little gain:

198.0

But it could have been worse! Last week, in case you didn’t notice, I took the week off and did one of my legendary “road trips” to beautiful Phoenix, Arizona, where it only got up to about 122 degrees Fahrenheit at, um, 9:00 AM. So not too bad, for September.

And I spent a little quality time visiting relatives (at a relatively safe social distance, masks on) …

… as well as vegging in my luxurious hotel room watching “30 Rock” …

… and feeling guiltily glad that the fitness center was closed due to the pandemic. I mean, I never actually USED it, but it was always there, in case I felt the urge.

Heh … yeah, that meme is funny! But you know what? An outdoor gym might not be a bad idea! Although you might want to wait for all the fires to go out before hopping onto Nature’s Treadmill.

Yeah, that’s a shame. It’s really making the air quality suckalicious, too. So maybe it’s a good idea to stay inside, for multiple reasons — perhaps for the rest of the year!

Anyway, stay safe, do the best you can re: diet and exercise, and we’ll meet right back here next week!

It’s fine to say it sucks!!

Good morning, everyone! Well, in spite of the title of this post, I’m happy to say my weigh-in doesn’t suck (at least it’s down a skoche!):

199.4

Whew, back a teensy beensy bit from that over-200-pounds-eek-eek-eek cliff!

I won’t breathe (or eat) easy till I get back under 195, but I hereby vow that I WILL accomplish that goal by the end of this month! Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Still, it really sucks that I can’t just go to my gym and hop on the treadmill for half an hour or so, or lift weights.

And it also sucks that I can’t go to the library and kill an hour reading the newspaper and magazines (like the old fogey I am).

And it REALLY sucks that I can’t spend a pleasant day driving from one favorite used bookstore to another.

What also sucks is that if I dare to say in public that any of these things suck, I run the risk of somebody chiming in, “Yeah! And they shouldn’t be allowed to close all those places! And you shouldn’t have to wear a mask at Costco! It’s all a hoax!”

Then there’s the other possible extreme, which I admit I’ve been guilty of as well — scolding the people who complain by insisting that they acknowledge what a horrific disease coronavirus is and the reasonableness of the shutdowns. “What? You hate wearing a mask? You must be one of those anti-maskers who wants everyone to DIE!”

And here’s the truth: I’m one of those people in the “mushy middle” who I’m betting makes up the majority of people right now. We hate the shutdowns and we hate the face masks, while at the same time we TOTALLY understand and agree with the reasoning behind them!

So why is it that we can’t just express our opinions without being lumped in with the extremist thought police on BOTH sides? And yeah, I know there’s some danger in “bothsidesism.”

I mean, I’m part of the Byzantine Catholic Church, which has been playing both sides of the Catholic-vs.-Orthodox divide for a few years now!

So honestly, I don’t really know what the solution is. Maybe just exercise a little kindness and compassion towards everyone you meet? I know that’s a long shot, but isn’t it kinda sorta what those of us who consider ourselves followers of that Jesus guy in some way, shape, or form are supposed to be doing?

I dunno, I’m not sure I’m articulating this very well. Maybe I should just go have breakfast and think it over. Or maybe you could tell me what you think, in that oh-so-seldom-used “Comments” section right below! Whaddya think?

Meanwhile, have a great week — and remember, even though it definitely sucks, wear the mask!

Never thought I’d say this!

Well, after yet ANOTHER week of NOT doing the kind of exercises that I used to do, and weighing in at — let’s see here:

198.6

… I’m realizing that, in spite of all the times I’ve grumped and complained and basically Karen’d about various problems at lo, the many gyms I’ve belonged to over the years … I [leans closer; whispers] kinda MISS ’em!

Yeah, it’s true! Maybe just the act of going to a gym, changing clothes and going into an area full of exercise machines makes you … I dunno … more likely to exercise?

I mean, I do love the walking and the hiking and even the occasional (if I can describe what I do as) running, but let’s face it — sometimes, when the temperature rises to a brisk 110 degrees, here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, a gal needs her air-conditioned, video-screened treadmill!

Can’t be helped, though — as you may recall, I quit not one but TWO gyms during the past year — Anytime Fitness and the YMCA — opting to stick with my beloved 24 Hour Fitness in Simi Valley. Which — guess what? is now closed!!

The one with the pool??

No, not the one with the pool! That one’s still open, but the pool and the hot tub — the ONLY reasons I ever went to that one — are definitely NOT available for use for the foreseeable future. No, it’s the other one — the smaller one, with the equipment that I actually USED from time to time!

Well, coffee won’t open the gym, but it won’t hurt! So sure, pour me another cup of covfefe, and let’s can close this week’s post with everyone’s favorite artiste, Weird Al, singing a truck drivin’ song. See you next week!

Grok this, babycakes!

Hey everyone! Happy Wednesday! Hope you’re doing extra specialerino today!

First, I’ve got a loss! Check it out:

196.0

No, it’s véritable, Dwight! (Although if we get any more of that Tillamook Extra Sharp Cheddar, it could all change next week!)

Anyway, I’ve also got some fun news — I have a new job!

Yeah, the transcription company where I’ve been toiling away for lo, these many months hired me to create a bunch of audio tests for new transcribers. It’s fun! Especially when I see the people who try to cheat by posting the answers to the tests on YouTube struggling to figure out how to spell the simple English words I throw in, like “grok” and “nihilism.”

Aw shucks, just comes natural, I guess! Anyway, it’s a little extra moolah to throw in the ol’ Roth IRA, which is pretty much all there is to use it for these days, what with yet ANOTHER round of coronavirus shutdowns looming over our fair state. Which, among other things, means I may have to give Mr. 50by60 another “home haircut.”

But it’s all worth it to keep  our poor hospital & medical personnel from being even more overwhelmed than they already are, at least in MY opinion. Your mileage may vary, but it might help if some of you would just STAY HOME already!

Sigh — if only I were in charge, this world would be a MUCH more perfect place! But I’m not, so it ain’t! Oh well, I can dream, can’t I?

Have a great week, and remember — wear the *#@(! mask!!

Eureka, I’ve Got it! The Anti-Karen Solution??

So while I was growling over the weight GAIN this morning,

197.4

I tried to console myself by watching some of the new “Karen” videos that have bombarded my Facebook feed lately. Karen after Karen after Karen (female AND male), screaming in grocery stores, upscale fashion stores, and pretty much everywhere, all about how the Evil Government canNOT make them wear masks, and masks force them to breathe their own icky breath for way too long, and etc. ad nauseum!

And also reading about how in all those places where the Evil Government is NOT making them wear a mask, the equally Evil Virus is returning and the curve, which was sort of flattening — you know, like my weight was sort of dropping, until my gym closed down and life as we know it all kinda came to a screeching halt?



And I suddenly had a GREAT idea! Why not harness the power, energy, and all that pent-up Karen rage, and use it to our advantage?



First of all, if you’re one of the Karens going around yelling “Democratic PIGS!” and screaming that all the Democratic governors are forcing them to wear masks, please leave the blog for a few minutes. Okay? Thanks!



(looks around) are they gone? Great! Here’s the idea — and please feel free to pass this on to your Evil Democratic governator:

Make it ILLEGAL to go out in public WITH a face mask!!

Take a moment to mull it over, and you’ll see the absolute brilliance of this idea!

Karens in every Democratic-governored state will scream in anger:

You can’t take away my mask! You Democratic PIGS!!

and

I’ll give you my face mask when you pry it from my cold, dead FACE!!

MAGA 4EVER!! masks, manufactured by Trump Industries (basically, Karen personified) will proliferate everywhere,  and the economy will come roaring back!

Meanwhile, all of us (you and me, the ones who didn’t leave the room) will know it’s all a ploy to keep us safe from Hurricane Karen!

I’m sure there are some bugs in the idea, but I don’t have time to figure them out. Feel free to give me your thoughts in the comments!

See you next week!

Wednesday Wildflower Walk Weigh-In!

Good morning, peeps! Great to see you! How are you holding up? Feel free to rant in the comments!

First things first: the weigh-in!

197.4

Down a pound, which is nothing to sneeze at! And speaking of sneezing …

yours truly saw some lovely wildflowers on a hiking trail in an undisclosed location in the beautiful San Fernando Valley area yesterday! Here’s a few photos for your enjoyment:

Oh, and just FYI, the REASON I’m not disclosing the location is I don’t want all you nitwits to go out there tomorrow and ruin it for me!

Find a nice place to walk in your OWN neighborhood that only you and your neighborinos know about. If you can’t find one, well, there’s always the ol’ Staycation, right in your own back yard (if you’re lucky enough to have one)!

And remember, both Aunt Chrissy (a left-wing loony) and Mr. 50by60 (a right-wing NON-covidiot) say, wear your masks, please!

At least when there are other people around! If you’re alone, it’s probably OK to take it off — maybe!

In which case, you’re on your own!! See ya next week!

Grab your face masks — we’re goin’ in!

Testing …

testing smart guy

testing …

testing 123 viking

testing …

testing 123 office space

and WE’RE BACK!!

yay grumpy cat

Yes, that’s right, ladies and gents, welcome back to your favorite weight-loss blog of all time!! And I know you’ve all been on tenterhooks …

huh keanu

… I mean, pins and needles, waiting to see that fresh, updated Rhymin’ Weekly Weigh-in after — what’s it been now? a month? month and a half?

twin peaks what year

Well, Agent Cooper, as I think we’re all WAY too aware, it’s still 2020, and will be for quite a bit longer, I’m afraid! BUT that doesn’t mean we can’t try to have a little fun, right?

right meme 1

And part of that fun is seeing just HOW much weight your favorite weight-loss diet guru blogger has lost during this shutdown thingy, seeing as how I’m, y’know, supposedly setting an example and all that … right?

damn right anchorman

So without further adieux …

get on1

Oh, sorry, Lord! OK then, today’s weight … let’s see … um … gee whillikers:

198.4
scales sorry charlie
Way more than before!!

Eep!! OK, yes, I did gain a teensy bit. Probably from all the stress, and the fact that my gym was closed. Certainly couldn’t have been the food … I hardly ate a bite, I was so worried!

junk food

Well, OK, maybe I took in a FEW more calories than I put out! But hey, we’re all in this together, right? I’m betting you [pointing left] and you [pointing right] and you in the middle there [pointing straight ahead] didn’t do that great either, right?

am i right ned

So look, in the words of virtually every TV and radio ad I’ve seen for the past few weeks, we’re all in this together, paddling the same canoe, blah blah blah togetherness, etc.

same boat cat

And now those of us who’ve, er, fluffed up a bit recently, have a chance to create a “new normal” for ourselves, which, if we do it right, should involve COUNTING THE GOLDURN CALORIES again, consarnit!

whee doggies jed clampett

Whaddya say, friends and neighborinos? Should we jump back on the horse that threw us, and head out on the trail again? I’m game if you are!

happy trails roy and dale

Okily dokily — let’s give it a try! I’ll meet you back here next week!

batman same bat time

In these difficult times, have some more ice cream!

Well, hey, everyone! Welcome aboard! Yes, it’s Wednesday … again …

groundhog day documentary

and it’s not yet April 30th (that’s tomorrow!) so I’m still not doing my Official Weigh-In, but you’ll be happy to hear I’m doing my best to avoid the so-called “COVID-15.”

dr who fat

Or will you? Because frankly, that’s one of those terms that’s become an annoying cliche or catchphrase.

cliche

And I dunno about you, but there are quite a few phrases I’d like to see banished from polite conversation, when all this is over! For example:

“We’re all in the same boat.” — Uh well, no, we’re not!! A celebrity living in a mansion with your own private gym, swimming pool, tennis courts, and live-in servants, is in a very different boat than a single mother living in a studio apartment in North Hollywood with three screaming kids.

same boat

“Social distancing” — Not that I have ANY problem with the concept of staying at least six feet away from all other human beings! As an introvert, I pretty much do that anyway! Still, what with email, text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, Zoom meetings galore, and all those fancy-schmancy new parts of The Interwebs, we’re doing way more social networking, so the “social” part of the “distancing” doesn’t really make sense.

social distancing baptism

“In these difficult/challenging/uncertain times, buy more stuff!” Look, I get it — small businesses are struggling, and they’re trying to figure out how to stay afloat while keeping both their employees and their customers safe. But ultimately, they’re trying to figure out how to keep selling stuff, because that’s what they do. Which is fine! I ain’t no commie! But look — they’re spending , like, 90% of their advertising budget right now TELLING us that they’re doing all this!! Pro tip: Just Do It! And donate all that ad revenue to a food bank or something!

batman robin challenging times

“Because we’re all in this together” — and yeah, I know, that’s kinda similar to the “same boat” one. However, I’m mentioning it specifically because it’s now the main tagline on virtually every commercial break at my otherwise favorite radio station, KFI AM 640, in Los Angeles, a pleasant mix of angst and comedy that accompanies my daily crafting efforts out in my She Shed. I’m guessing when this is all over, that (as well as some of these other phrases) is gonna become a punchline for some pretty tasteless jokes, and I for one can’t wait!

were all in this together

“When all this is over” — Yes, well, here I have to point the finger directly at myself, as I use this one all the time! And it’s never REALLY gonna be over. I don’t know about you, but I for one am gonna be hanging onto the face masks, hoarding toilet paper, and backing away from human contact for many years to come!

parakeet back off

Sigh — well, that’s all I got right now, folks. I haven’t actually had breakfast yet — just a little cofveve, to get my brain in gear. (And it worked, right?)

block print by artnoose

Anyway, when this is all over, I’ll post my official weigh-in again, because we’re all in this together! See ya next week!!

bach next week

Kahlua-fueled hangover Wednesday!

Well, good morning, campers, rise and shine! Time to put your booties on, ’cause it’s cold out there!

Oh, uh, actually, it’s pretty warm out there — supposed to get up to 90 degrees Fahrenheit here in beautiful (finally!) sunny Southern California

And I for one welcome our new Sun overlord! As I may or may not have mentioned, I have a mild form of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), which basically means, “Cloudy days = SAD, sunny days = HAPPY!”

So today’s gonna be happy — er, once I get over that hangover (see post title!).

See, yesterday, Mr. 50by60 and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.

And of course, part of that celebration involved the ingestion of alcoholic fluids — in my case, Kahlua! I always think the “coffee” part will balance out the “alcohol” part. Well, guess what?

Yup — I woke up this morning with a mild, but very noticeable, hangover! Thanks to some very strong (non-alcoholic!) cofveve, though, it’s finally receded just enough that I can sit here and write this scintillatingly witty blog post, for your entertainment!

Anyhoo, it made me wonder — you know how some superstitious people think 13 is an unlucky number?

Well, given that we’re only about a third of the way through 2020, the Year Everything Went Wonky, or YEWW …

… I’m wondering if maybe us having our 13th is just contributing, numerologically speaking, to the whole general YEWWiness of this sucky time! If so, let me be the first to offer my heartfelt apologies!

Hopefully, by the time our 14th rolls around, everything will be hunky dory and back to semi-normal! Meanwhile, hope YOUR week has been going well! Stay safe, be happy, and I’ll see ya next week!