Grok this, babycakes!

Hey everyone! Happy Wednesday! Hope you’re doing extra specialerino today!

First, I’ve got a loss! Check it out:

196.0

No, it’s véritable, Dwight! (Although if we get any more of that Tillamook Extra Sharp Cheddar, it could all change next week!)

Anyway, I’ve also got some fun news — I have a new job!

Yeah, the transcription company where I’ve been toiling away for lo, these many months hired me to create a bunch of audio tests for new transcribers. It’s fun! Especially when I see the people who try to cheat by posting the answers to the tests on YouTube struggling to figure out how to spell the simple English words I throw in, like “grok” and “nihilism.”

Aw shucks, just comes natural, I guess! Anyway, it’s a little extra moolah to throw in the ol’ Roth IRA, which is pretty much all there is to use it for these days, what with yet ANOTHER round of coronavirus shutdowns looming over our fair state. Which, among other things, means I may have to give Mr. 50by60 another “home haircut.”

But it’s all worth it to keep  our poor hospital & medical personnel from being even more overwhelmed than they already are, at least in MY opinion. Your mileage may vary, but it might help if some of you would just STAY HOME already!

Sigh — if only I were in charge, this world would be a MUCH more perfect place! But I’m not, so it ain’t! Oh well, I can dream, can’t I?

Have a great week, and remember — wear the *#@(! mask!!

Lazy blogger says what?

Er, I mean, good morning all! How are you doing this fine day? I personally having a bit of trouble coming up with a new idea for a blog post this morning. Hey — maybe that’s a good thing! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve lost so much weight that it’s all coming from my brain!

Hmm, probably not! But let’s jump on the scales and see if there’s enough of a loss (or any loss at all) to make that outrageous claim, shall we?

197.2

dr who woohoo

Hmm … well, it IS a loss. But 0.2 pounds? Yeah, I don’t think that’s quite enough to justify my lame excuse!

Oh well — just so you won’t be deprived of a really GOOD blog post, lemme just piggyback on this morning’s post from Beating the Bounds, a lovely blog about lovely walks in the lovely United Kingdom! Enjoy, and I’ll see you next week with something slightly more original (though perhaps not as lovely)!

Lambert’s Meadow and Trowbarrow

The view from beside the Pepper Pot. I’m trying to remember whether or not the fields had been cut for silage at that point, or if the general yellowy-green hue is due to how dry it had been. I’m inclined to the former, because I know that the weather had broken by then and we […]

via Lambert’s Meadow and Trowbarrow — Beating The Bounds

Eureka, I’ve Got it! The Anti-Karen Solution??

So while I was growling over the weight GAIN this morning,

197.4

I tried to console myself by watching some of the new “Karen” videos that have bombarded my Facebook feed lately. Karen after Karen after Karen (female AND male), screaming in grocery stores, upscale fashion stores, and pretty much everywhere, all about how the Evil Government canNOT make them wear masks, and masks force them to breathe their own icky breath for way too long, and etc. ad nauseum!

And also reading about how in all those places where the Evil Government is NOT making them wear a mask, the equally Evil Virus is returning and the curve, which was sort of flattening — you know, like my weight was sort of dropping, until my gym closed down and life as we know it all kinda came to a screeching halt?



And I suddenly had a GREAT idea! Why not harness the power, energy, and all that pent-up Karen rage, and use it to our advantage?



First of all, if you’re one of the Karens going around yelling “Democratic PIGS!” and screaming that all the Democratic governors are forcing them to wear masks, please leave the blog for a few minutes. Okay? Thanks!



(looks around) are they gone? Great! Here’s the idea — and please feel free to pass this on to your Evil Democratic governator:

Make it ILLEGAL to go out in public WITH a face mask!!

Take a moment to mull it over, and you’ll see the absolute brilliance of this idea!

Karens in every Democratic-governored state will scream in anger:

You can’t take away my mask! You Democratic PIGS!!

and

I’ll give you my face mask when you pry it from my cold, dead FACE!!

MAGA 4EVER!! masks, manufactured by Trump Industries (basically, Karen personified) will proliferate everywhere,  and the economy will come roaring back!

Meanwhile, all of us (you and me, the ones who didn’t leave the room) will know it’s all a ploy to keep us safe from Hurricane Karen!

I’m sure there are some bugs in the idea, but I don’t have time to figure them out. Feel free to give me your thoughts in the comments!

See you next week!

Some common sense, for the butt-hurt amongst you

Okay, before I dive into yet another “Mildly Controversial” post, let me share some GREAT news with you — my weigh-in!

195.8

Yay, finally!! And if anyone ever tells you writing down your calories every day doesn’t make any difference, send ’em to me.

Now for the controversial part! Apparently a bunch of you (I’m using “you” generically, not talking about you specifically, MOM!!) are getting all upset because your favorite racist food names and/or logos are being retired, because … you know … they’re RACIST!!

And really, I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but if you’re reading this, you’re a dieter, right? So you ought to know already that most of the crap Big Food pretends is “food” is really just a big glob of high-fructose corn syrup mixed with way too much sodium and way too little nutritional value, right?

What I’m trying to convey to you is that if you’re all butt-hurt because Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, and Eskimo Pie are changing their names, you really need to get a grip on reality.

If it’s too hard for you, let me “blogger-splain” it to you.

These names and logos are based on racial stereotypes. We, as a society, in this year of our Lord 2020 A.D., have finally started to realize that. And the businesses that make all our Taste O’Crap and CrapTastic Brand Kwality Food Products are finally allowing themselves to be dragged, kicking and screaming all the way, into the 21st century, where we’re supposed to be treating each other as equals.

So they’re changing the NAMES and the LOGOS. But they’re NOT changing the FOODS!! You’ll still be able to suck on your Crap On A Stick or pour Fake “Maypel” Syrup on your plastic-enhanced waffles, if you so choose!

You just won’t be able to do it while gazing lovingly at a name and/or logo that was most likely inspired by a minstrel show!

And frankly, if you’re reading this blog, you should know better than to be eating all that fake stuff, anyway! What’s wrong with REAL maple syrup, anyway? They do still make it, you know!

So untwist your panties and stop doing your bad Archie Bunker imitations, ‘kay? ‘Cause that, my friends, is no longer kosher (if it ever was)!

Whew — all that righteous indignation is makin’ me hungry! Tell you what — next week I’ll share a couple of easy breakfast ideas that you can make with at least 50 percent REAL food! Meantime, have a great week! Oh, and by the way:

Back From the Brink!

Good morning, everyone! Sorry to be a little late. I’m been mixing my Trader Joe’s Breakfast Blend (coarse grind) with some pre-Covid era decaf, in order to save on trips to the store, so I’m having a little trouble getting completely awake and alert!

Hopefully that’ll be remedied soon (hint hint), but meantime, I’m thrilled to be able to report that, after coming justthisclose to my personal Danger Zone (200 pounds!),

I FINALLY started doing what I’m always telling YOU guys to do — writing down my calories every day and resuming a semi-regular exercise program (basically, long walks in the wilderness of Simi Valley, three times a week), I’ve got a decent loss to report! Ready? Here’s the number:

197.0


Yeah, that’s more like it!



Now, since I’m down to half-caf, I’ll just go have TWICE as much covfefe and maybe that’ll make me a little more alert!

See ya next week!

Confessions of a Karen

Welp, the weight’s pretty much the same (you can see it in the sidebar if you really need to!), so I thought I’d just share a few thoughts I’ve had over the past few days. Thoughts about a person you may have heard a lot about lately. That’s right: KAREN!

By now, you’ve probably heard the term “Karen” applied to a certain type of woman, almost always white, giving in to what seems to HER to be “righteous anger,” but to everyone else, just sheer nuttiness at best, and outright racism at worst. (And btw, for those who think “Karen” is sexist, there are DEFINITELY male versions!)

So I’ve been watching those videos and reading first-person accounts of people who’ve survived close encounters with an angry Karen, such as birdwatcher Christian Cooper’s disturbing run-in with Amy Cooper, with a growing sense of unease, and finally realized today that the reason I feel so uncomfortable is that I’m seeing MYSELF in that Karen mirror!

I mean, I’ve never called 911 on anyone, but I’ve definitely gotten angry with people for (just as an example) parking in “my” space in front of our house.

I mean, you know, it’s not actually *marked* in any way, shape or form as my space, and (true confession!) I myself have parked in front of OTHER people’s houses. And yet, I still feel this sense of entitled rage bubbling up from inside. “How dare they take something that belongs to ME? or do something that *I* feel is incorrect? or [worst case Karen scenario] be somewhere that *I* don’t think they belong?”

Most of the time, I’ve managed to keep my inner Karen at bay, kinda like Good Janet facing off against Bad Janet.

And as I said, I’ve never called 911 on anyone — but I sure do realize now that there’ve been times when I *wanted* to, for all the WRONG reasons that those other Karens have done.

So, what now? Maybe Lucy was right, all those years ago:

Maybe the next step is to be more aware of situations where my inner “Bad Karen” might decide to make an appearance, and try to defuse them before they go any further than my own mind, perhaps by channeling GOOD Karen, you know, the one who sang all those pretty songs.

Or perhaps just walk away from the situation, reminding myself of what all Karens seem to forget: WE’RE NOT THE POLICE!

And (SPOILER ALERT!) if there’s one thing I learned from binge-watching “The Good Place,” it’s that even the worst of us can improve!

Even Bad Janet became Somewhat Better Janet, in the end.

 So it’s not impossible that “Karens” can improve as well, if we’re willing to take responsibility for our actions!

Well, if you won’t, I will! Anybody else? 

It’s gonna be a lot of work — and it’s not gonna be easy. But it needs to be done. Just like (circling back to the main topic of this blog!) I need to start working on my diet!

But we’ll worry about that NEXT week. Meantime, take care of yourself and those you care about/for!

What year is it again?

What a week, huh? Seems like every time we start to relax, 2020 throws us another curve ball!

And sure, we could probably get through it if we just had some calm, sensible, reassuring leadership, either now or in the foreseeable future!

Yikes! Well, obviously we don’t, so I for one don’t feel inclined to get too excited about my weight loss, or lack thereof! Which brings me to the weigh-in:

198.0

which, all things considered, isn’t really that big a deal! After all, while I haven’t lost, I haven’t gained, either. And since losing seems to be the order of the day right now, I suspect I’m in good company!

(Although, in a twisted sort of way, he’s actually accomplishing quite a lot!)

But of course, as I’ve often said, this is a weight-loss blog, not a political one, so whether you support the Trumpster or the Hair Sniffer, you’re welcome here! Just be aware that I do have my opinions, and occasionally need to get them out in the open!

Well, since I’m paying $50 buckaroonies a year for the privilege of this WordPress blog, I’m darn tootin’ gonna have my say, so there, David!! Anyway, that’s the weigh-in! Hopefully by next week, the world will have calmed down a bit and it’ll stop looking like the ’60s are making a comeback!

See ya then, unless … well, let’s just keep the positive thoughts, shall we?

 

A Sternly Worded Letter to my Bathroom Scales

Dear Scales:

You have been weighed in the scales, and found wanting!

This morning you told me I weighed

198.0

And I don’t understand why! I’ve been going for walks, counting my calories (well … kinda …) and also, I’m a really good person! So I don’t understand why you’re punishing me like this!

Oh! Well, sorry, then, Lord*! But I admit, I’m getting a little frustrated! And not to knock Science and everything, but y’know, I really need to find someone (else) to blame for this, because I’m getting dangerously close to my own personal Point of No Return!

Which, if you haven’t been paying attention to my mutterings as I stand on you* every morning, is 200 pounderinos! And you’re bringing me WAY too close to that number, Scales — like a Covidiot ignoring social distancing rules!

And yes I KNOW I haven’t been writing down ALL my calories, every day, and yes I KNOW I haven’t been doing any kind of meaningful workouts for weeks, other than the occasional hikes!

So I’m giving you fair warning — NEXT week, you better show a WAY lower number. ‘Cause I’ve got a hammer, and I know how to use it!

Sincerely,

Your Owner and, therefore, for the purposes of this blog entry, your Boss!

* and Scales!
** Still talking to the Scales here — not you, the reader! Much less to the Lord! Standing on the Lord might be all well and good from a poetic, theological standpoint but realistically, S/he might not appreciate it. And as I always say re: these pesky theological matters: why take chances?

My well of catchy blog titles is empty right now, sorry!

Yeah, it’s Wednesday and it’s Weigh-In Time, but for the life of me, I can’t think of a catchy title today! Just can’t seem to get those … things … you know, in my head … working …

critical

Yeah, well, guess I’m not the only one, huh? Anyhoo, let’s do the weight first because it’s actually pretty good!

196.2
woo hoo

Yeah, down a bit! I was getting a little worried there. But you know, that’s a good argument for weighing yourself every day — you can see it creeping back up and decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.

chidi paralyzed

Yeah, well, unlike Chidi, I don’t have as much trouble with that! Still, I do know that when I get > 5 pounds away from THE BIG 2-0-0, that’s my cue to restart the diet!!

sherlock

And I’m doing my best to go out for long walks 3 days a week. It seems to be helping — and you know, even if it didn’t affect the weight, I’d still do it, just for that feeling of freedom and being one with Nature and all that jazz.

think flowers dog

Of course, I can’t go to all the popular trails I used to enjoy, because, y’know, people are idiots.

human nature

But as long as I stay off the beaten path, I’m fine! And off the beaten path is where the prettiest flowers are, sometimes!

IMG_20200516_111348273

And NO I’m not telling you where I took that picture — stay away from my trails, dagnabit!!

make like a tree

Did you know Biff Tannen from “Back to the Future” was based on Trump??

Oh, and speaking of bullies in popular movies and TV, let us all bow our heads in remembrance of the GREAT Ken Osmond, aka everyone’s favorite wise guy, Eddie Haskell!

eddie haskell athletics

He was one of the greats! So on that slightly melancholy note, I’ll bid you farewell, and let’s keep our fingers crossed we don’t lose any more childhood favorites between now and next Wednesday!

Wednesday Wildflower Walk Weigh-In!

Good morning, peeps! Great to see you! How are you holding up? Feel free to rant in the comments!

First things first: the weigh-in!

197.4

Down a pound, which is nothing to sneeze at! And speaking of sneezing …

yours truly saw some lovely wildflowers on a hiking trail in an undisclosed location in the beautiful San Fernando Valley area yesterday! Here’s a few photos for your enjoyment:

Oh, and just FYI, the REASON I’m not disclosing the location is I don’t want all you nitwits to go out there tomorrow and ruin it for me!

Find a nice place to walk in your OWN neighborhood that only you and your neighborinos know about. If you can’t find one, well, there’s always the ol’ Staycation, right in your own back yard (if you’re lucky enough to have one)!

And remember, both Aunt Chrissy (a left-wing loony) and Mr. 50by60 (a right-wing NON-covidiot) say, wear your masks, please!

At least when there are other people around! If you’re alone, it’s probably OK to take it off — maybe!

In which case, you’re on your own!! See ya next week!