Pollyanna meets the Apocalypse (the unauthorized sequel)

If you’re tired of all those cheerful Facebook videos, Twitter posts, and other messages of hope and optimism from our suddenly shuttered world — well, you’ll probably want to pass this one by as well. Yeah, I’m one of those relentlessly “glass is half full” types who refuse to let you wallow in unmitigated misery!

glass half

And Pollyanna may have been an unbearable little twit, but she had her good points (especially as played by Hayley Mills, who wasn’t quite as unbearable as the original)! Namely, she helped all those around her, even l’il orphan Jimmy, see the upside of things!

prisms

There’s always something fun to do, even in a seemingly never-ending lockdown!

But Pollyanna had a point — when life screws you over, like it has so many of us recently, you have to decide how you’re going to deal with it. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light? Or rejoice, because now you can see the stars more clearly?

doctor dark stars

That was pretty philosophical, huh? Hey, I have my moments! So anyway, now that Pollyanna and I have helped you see the brighter side of the Apocalypse, let’s check the ol’ weightaroonie, shall we?

193.8

Yikes! Uh, uh yeah, well, y’see, my gym’s been closed for a week (the one I rarely go to anyway) and all the hiking trails have been closed (not that I’d go hiking in the rain anyway) and church is closed, so none of those fun Lenten prostrations (even though I always just bend over halfway and touch the edge of the pew — hey, I’m not a FANATIC, man!) and there’s not enough healthy snacks at the grocery stores (other than the vegetables, which no one seems to be hoarding for some reason).

lame excuse

I mean, there’s an excuse for everything, right? And it’s a stressful time for all of us, and at least another week to go! And yeah, I know it could be *longer* than a week, but let’s face it, one week at a time is probably the best we can all do right now, am I right?

one week later

Oh, let’s hope not! But if it does, rest assured, I’ll still be here to spread more cheer! (Oh, and speaking of spreading more cheer — you TOTALLY have my permission to treat yourself to one completely off-limits, highly calorific, fatty junk food item this week! Go nuts, friends! We’ll work it off together once this is all over!)

junk food

Please stay six feet away from this blog, thank you!

Ah, what a difference a week makes, huh? Last week at this time, most of us were still going our merry way, tra la la, a little worried about this whole coronavirus thing, but y’know, I’m sure they’ll work it all out, nothing to see here, mate!

Then Tom Hanks and Idris Elba got it, and all h-e-double-toothpicks broke loose!

So we’re all under house arrest, pretty much, but sorry, that doesn’t let you off the ol’ diet-and-exercise hook!

And after some long and careful thought, I decided to go on with the weekly weigh-ins, because really, what else have I got to do?

Oh — well, yeah, that! And I do plan to stand in yet another line later today, making sure I’ve got all the canned tuna and shrimp I can snag!

But before I head out to stock up on essentials, let me just jump on the ol’ scales … hang on … let’s see:

192.6

Wow, down an entire pound since last week! Well, that’s really interesting ’cause (true confession time!) I kinda gave in to temptation yesterday and indulged in some KFC.

Hey, stressful times, baby! And I know, it’s Lent, so theoretically I’m supposed to be giving up all that stuff. But y’know, since we’re giving up a whole lot of OTHER stuff right now (like the freedom to wander aimlessly around Trader Joe’s, shoving our fellow customers out of the way and grabbing that last box of Mini Hold The Cones out from under their noses, ’cause who do they think they are, shopping at the same time WE are?)

…I figured, what the hey! It may be a while before I get to indulge, and as Pete Hornberger sang on “30 Rock” (a great show to binge watch, btw!),

So, a pound down, that’s good! And by the way, while everyone else is a little uncertain about where our next roll of toilet paper might come from, those of us who’ve got every nook and cranny of our houses, cars, and She Sheds filled with books and vintage magazines are feelin’ pretty vindicated right now!

Seriously, there are some rough times ahead, but we’ll make it! Hang in there, and I promise, come hell, high water, or icky virus, I’ll continue to post my weigh-ins! See ya next week, and remember, spring is on the weigh!!

The occasional rant!

As my more-or-less loyal readers know, I usually try to keep this blog controversy-free. And for the most part, like the great Weird Al, I succeed.

However, every once in a while I get a bunch of Really Important Thoughts!! that simply MUST be expressed somewhere, somehow, or I’ll blurt them out in an inappropriate place, like, y’know, church, or the yarn store.

And I don’t really want to antagonize the good folks at the yarn stores because, what with the coronavirus AND the spring rains, I’ve been spending more time at home, crocheting, weaving, and just generally getting my craft on!

And yeah, unfortunately all that sitting around does have an effect on my, er, bottom line — to whit, today’s weigh-in:

193.6

Still, I’m enjoying it! And if you’re currently being affected in any way by the coronavirus outbreak, or have just decided to stay home out of an abundance of caution, I say good on you, mate! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being too paranoid or blowing things out of proportion.

Which is where I have to do my Mildly Controversial Rant! I’m seeing a lot of religious folks in my Facebook feed and elsewhere insisting that taking steps to keep the coronavirus from spreading, by avoiding crowds, washing your hands more often, not shaking hands, etc. is all just a Big Satanic Plot!

And as we all know, during the Middle Ages, when the plague and cholera and other diseases were wiping out thousands of people in Europe, all you had to do was go into a church and/or join a procession, and you’d be perfectly safe!

Yeah, that’s not really how infectious diseases work. And fortunately, there are plenty of equally religious folk who DO understand that. Now, I’m a “cradle Catholic,” so naturally I criticize my church ALL THE TIME — and let’s be honest, more often than not, they deserve it!

However, I do appreciate that most of our Bishops are urging people who are sick to stay home from Mass, or at least avoid shaking hands and spreading their cooties to others during the Sign of Peace.

And apparently, some people think that’s Satan talking! But y’know what? I seem to remember a certain guy in the Bible telling people that we should treat others the way we want to be treated!

And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want anyone giving ME their icky cooties!

So I am perfectly OK with hunkering down in my She Shed with my YouTube videos and (re)learning all my fun needlecrafts until they develop a vaccine for this thing, which they will, eventually! Although it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to go out for a walk once in a while, which I’ll also do, as soon as it stops raining.

Meanwhile, STAY SAFE and don’t take any unnecessary risks! Remember —

Welcome to your coronavirus- and politics-free blog post!

Good morning, everyone! If you’re like me, you need a respite from the nonstop, 24/7 media barrage of coronavirus and/or Super Tuesday news, right?

So why not stop here and  rejoice with me as I celebrate my first weigh-in of Lent with (of course) a loss!

192.0
70s scales

Whew! It’d be kind of embarrassing to GAIN weight during Lent, right? I mean, it’s happened before, because even if you go full-on Orthodox (kinda sorta) and give up meat and cheese, there’s still bread. Yummy, filling, calorific bread!

And y’know, I should confess* I’m not exactly super religious about this stuff. I mean, YAY JESUS and all that!! But the institutional structures that have been put up in His name sometimes leave me a little cold.

Still, half the whole faith battle is keeping the candles lit till the Light comes on, right?

And I like lighting candles, so that helps! Meantime, I’ll keep doing the Lenten thing, but I’ll also keep counting the calories, because contrary to what some vegetarians might tell you, it is DEFINITELY possible to be a fat vegan!

So let’s see: my todo list so far:

  1. Keep lighting the candles, and
  2. Keep counting the calories.

Anything else?

Sure, whatever you say! See ya next week, my fellow nerds!

*’Cause I’m Catholic — get it?? 

Repost for Ash Wednesday, ’cause I’m preoccupied, dagnabit!

Hi, everyone! Oops — just realized I’d forgotten to do a blog post this morning! Dare I say I made an “ash” of myself? (Get it? ‘Cause it’s Ash Wednesday?)

Oh well, sorry! Anyhoo, no weigh-in today, but please enjoy this blast from the past (last year, to be exact) and I’ll see ya next week! 

FROM FEBRUARY 25, 2019:

Post-Road Trip, Pre-Lent Weigh-In

Good morning, everyone!

Meatfare Groundhog

Yes, that’s right — as I’ve occasionally mentioned in this blog before, I’m an Eastern Catholic (Byzantine, Ruthenian, Greek Catholic, or whatever). We’re simple folk with different ways, but we’re cool.

easternstress

Anyway, the main thing to know about us as it relates to this blog is that even though we’re Catholic, we follow the same basic traditions as the Eastern Orthodox. And yesterday was what we call “Meatfare,” or “Farewell, Meat!” (You militant vegans out there should appreciate that since it’s the total, polar opposite of “Meet your Meat.”)

meet meat

The idea is that instead of melodramatically going from feast (Mardi Gras) to famine (Ash Wednesday), we kinda slide into the whole fasting thing gently. This week, we give up meat. Next week, after Cheesefare Sunday, we give up … well … everything else, basically!

lent no soup for you.jpg

That’s right — our Lent officially starts two days BEFORE your Ash Wednesday!

endora

Anyway, you can read more about the whole Meatfare/Cheesefare Sundays thing here, if you’re so inclined. Meanwhile, I suppose I should get on with the whole weigh-in thing.

finally.jpg

Oh … wait … did I mention I was on a road trip last week? So that might have affected my weight? I mean, I did put the words “Post-Road Trip” in the post title and all, so I probably should at least mention it, right?

get on with it

Oh, all right!! Today’s weigh-in is, like people who don’t spout their political opinions to everyone they meet, whether they want to hear them or not (*cough* EVERY DAMN PERSON AT THE OSCARS *cough*), surprisingly neutral!

180.0
vo de o

That’s right — it’s EXACTLY the same as it was Monday, before I hit the road for beautiful, sunny Phoenix, Arizona!

Phoenix rain walk 1

And I did indulge in some non-diet-type foods at the hotel’s fabulous Continental Breakfast Bar.

So I’m actually pretty impressed that I managed to keep the numbers from wildly skyrocketing. I did do some walking (in between the torrential storms) so that probably helped.

umbrella.jpg

Anyway, that’s it! And I’m going out on a limb AND going on record (hmm, can’t seem to find a meme that combines those two images! how bizarre) to renew my pledge, before God and everybody, to start counting my calories again. To be completely honest, I’d slacked off a bit on actually writing everything down, and keeping a running total in my head. Now that may work for you super math geniuses, but y’know, I’m not one of those.

math2

So it’s back to pen(cil) and paper for me! Let’s see how that works out. Meanwhile, have a GREAT first week of pre-Lent, everyone! See you Friday for a brand-new Five!

five.jpg

 

“Good morning, I’m fat! How are you?”

“I’m fat; how are you?” Great line, isn’t it? Sure wish I’d come up with it! But no, I have to give proper credit: it’s from Simcha Fischer’s “What’s for Supper? Vol. 201, Potatoes and Other Tornadoes?” post last week.

Well, there’s something to be said for celebrating, rather than denigrating, your fatness sometimes — and my cat Pumpkin seems to agree, since she seems to find my “trying-to-sleep-under-a-mountain-of-covers” body the perfect memory foam pillow, to knead and mold into the shape she wants!

And of course, all this preliminary hoohah is just my way of psyching us all up for today’s weigh-in! Shall we?

194.0

Yeah, up an entire 0.6 pounds since last week!! The horror, the horror! But hark, what’s that approaching, in the not-too-distant future?

That’s right, campers, it’s that time of year again! And if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that yours truly follows the Byzantine Catholic way of life (more or less!).

And being pseudo-Orthodox, the ideal is to give up all meat, cheese, dairy, oils, and just plain FUN for the next month-plus.

And then, of course, during the week FOLLOWING Pascha, or Easter (aka “Spring,” for all my atheist, heathen, and Pagan pals!), it’s basically “all you can eat at the Resurrection buffet” time!

(And “New Calendar,” please — I can’t wait another week!)

So here’s the sked: this Sunday is Meatfare, following which we give up

the following Sunday is Cheesefare, after which we give up

and voila, there we are, all us Eastern Christians, deep in the heart of Lent a full two days before all you Westerners get those smudges on your foreheads!

But hey, it’s all good! At least, it’s *supposed* to be good. I always think I’m going to lose weight during Lent, but somehow it never happens. Maybe because “bread” is not one of the forbidden fruits — and I can definitely eat WAY too much bread!

Which is just another reason not to give up on the calorie counting, ’cause no matter what you’re eating — even if you’re a full-fledged Ultra-Orthodox Vegan — it’s STILL possible to overdo it!

So there ya go! And here *I* go, but I’ll see ya NEXT week, when hopefully we’ll have, not Meatfare or Cheesefare, but FATFARE!! So long, fat!!

Doctor Who, “Partners in Crime,” Catherine Tate & David Tennant

State of the Weight!!

Well, good morning, everyone! I’m sure we all enjoyed last night’s State of the Union address, featuring President Trump, a frequent visitor to my meme gallery, and a couple of newbies

Of course, not everyone enjoyed it:

But ya know, you can’t please everyone! So on that note, let’s check out the State of the Weight, shall we?

193.4

Hey, not too shabby! I mean, I’d rather it was a LOT lower, but I’m fine with it just going down in dribs & drabs, right? As long as it’s down, not up!

So unless you’re in Iowa,

get ready to MAKE A DIFFERENCE for your country! Meanwhile, don’t rip up that diet plan just yet, Nancy!

I’m sure it’s chock-full of great weight loss ideas from our beloved Prez!

So let’s give it a try, and meet back here again NEXT week — whaddya say?

OK, well, the REST of us will be here, David! Have a great week, everyone!

Back From the Precipice!

Good morning, good morning!

And it IS a good morning, in spite of the fierce winds currently blowing outside our lovely estate here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, because after (finally!) getting back to jotting down my calories on a daily basis, the needle on the scale (or the electronic equivalent thereof) budged:

193.8

I’m gonna keep this a bit short because there’s coffee waiting for me.

Also, there are strange rustling sounds coming from the boxes of papers and books behind me, here in the office. It’s either a cat, or something being CHASED by a cat.

Either way, I better check it out! Meanwhile, if you’re wondering if calorie counting really works as a weight loss tool — yes, it does! It may not work for everyone, but it works for me. I think it’s because making myself write down what I eat makes me more aware of what I’m eating – more “mindful,” to use a rather overused buzzword.

So if your weight loss has stalled, why not give it a try? You can get an app, like MyFitnessPal, or just use an actual piece of paper, and a writing implement of some sort.

I actually find the old-school way works best for me, but then I’m old, and I went to school, so there ya go! Anyway, I’m relieved to see the numbers finally starting to slide back from the 200-pound precipice! Let’s see if I can keep the momentum going!

(and week!)

Insert Humorous Blog Post Title Here (or, “What? It’s Wednesday Already?”)

Yeah, I wasn’t really prepared for this, after sustaining a minor but very annoying injury on an otherwise enjoyable hike this past Monday when, in my best Peter Griffin imitation, I slipped and whacked my kneecap on a very hard, irritatingly unyielding rock!

peter griffin knee

Contrary to all the concerned Facebook comments I got when I posted about it later, I wasn’t so much worried about “omg, I’m all alone, who will help me?” as I was, “omg, I hope I don’t have to get one of those mountain bikers or large, noisy families to help me!” See, it was MLK Day, and on federal holidays, the parks don’t charge the usual entrance fees.

horde

So it wasn’t like I was stranded out in the wilderness with only a few Fedex boxes to keep me alive till I could get off the island.

castaway 2

No, I channeled my inner Grumpy Cat and hobbled my way around the rest of the trail,

grumpy cat

enjoying the scenery and making extravagant promises to my knee involving hot bubble baths, ice packs, etc. if it would just hold out till I got back to the parking lot. And it did! I checked the mileage later and found that my fall had happened at mile 1.5, after which I walked another 3.5 miles!

huell2

That’s right, Huell! Which is why it’s REALLY annoying to have to tell you that, after all that — after the long hike, the knee whack, and STILL sticking to my calorie counting the next day — my weight is STILL up!

195.8
scales sorry charlie
gday mate

Which makes me think that maybe I should be focusing less on the weight and more on the fact that I’m a bada$$ old hiker lady! I mean, maybe the reason my knee WASN’T injured as badly as it might have been is that layer of fat protecting it!

plausible

So maybe I won’t worry too much about the weight, and instead, look into the possibility of getting some of those cool folding hiking poles, which might actually have been useful around mile 1.5!

hiking poles

And meanwhile, I’ll just keep countin’ the calories and walking, when I can!

twirling

See ya next week!

 

 

Hiking for Fun and (sometimes) Weight Loss!

First, let’s get this out of the “weigh” (get it?):

don't get it

Oh, it’s funny, all right! All humor at 50by60.com is guaranteed to make you laugh, or you get a full refund on your admission price!

seriously.jpg

OK, okay*! Here ya go, my Offishul Way-In for the Weak:

195.4
scales
core bore

There ya go, down a little from last week — not too shabby! And I’ve been doing some actual hiking during the past week, too, which I think has helped with the weight loss (though not so much with the knees!), assuming I can avoid eating back all the calories I burned. And of course, you know the old saying about “assuming”!

assume

So, on that note, let me post with a photo I took yesterday at a place I have hiked to twice, Lasky Mesa, in the Upper Las Virgenes Open Space (“in or near Los Angeles,” as Grampa Google puts it), because I have searched high and low on the Interwebs and NO ONE has posted a photo of this neat and weird-looking little pool of water:

lasky mesa

Weird pool of water surrounded by sand/rock dunes, Lasky Mesa, Upper Las Virgenes Open Space, photo by Christine Lehman

Yes, you, faithful reader, are seeing something that most people don’t know exists! That’s what hiking does for you! (Well, that and making your knees hurt, but ya know, it’s always something!)

it's always something roseanne.jpg

See ya next time for more Adventures In Hiking!

*It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned it, but I do freelance transcription, which means I have to remember that one company’s Style Guide says to use “OK” and the other company says to use “Okay” and god/dess help you if you get confused. Get it? Got it? Good!