Lazy blogger says what?

Er, I mean, good morning all! How are you doing this fine day? I personally having a bit of trouble coming up with a new idea for a blog post this morning. Hey — maybe that’s a good thing! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve lost so much weight that it’s all coming from my brain!

Hmm, probably not! But let’s jump on the scales and see if there’s enough of a loss (or any loss at all) to make that outrageous claim, shall we?

197.2

dr who woohoo

Hmm … well, it IS a loss. But 0.2 pounds? Yeah, I don’t think that’s quite enough to justify my lame excuse!

Oh well — just so you won’t be deprived of a really GOOD blog post, lemme just piggyback on this morning’s post from Beating the Bounds, a lovely blog about lovely walks in the lovely United Kingdom! Enjoy, and I’ll see you next week with something slightly more original (though perhaps not as lovely)!

Lambert’s Meadow and Trowbarrow

The view from beside the Pepper Pot. I’m trying to remember whether or not the fields had been cut for silage at that point, or if the general yellowy-green hue is due to how dry it had been. I’m inclined to the former, because I know that the weather had broken by then and we […]

via Lambert’s Meadow and Trowbarrow — Beating The Bounds

Eureka, I’ve Got it! The Anti-Karen Solution??

So while I was growling over the weight GAIN this morning,

197.4

I tried to console myself by watching some of the new “Karen” videos that have bombarded my Facebook feed lately. Karen after Karen after Karen (female AND male), screaming in grocery stores, upscale fashion stores, and pretty much everywhere, all about how the Evil Government canNOT make them wear masks, and masks force them to breathe their own icky breath for way too long, and etc. ad nauseum!

And also reading about how in all those places where the Evil Government is NOT making them wear a mask, the equally Evil Virus is returning and the curve, which was sort of flattening — you know, like my weight was sort of dropping, until my gym closed down and life as we know it all kinda came to a screeching halt?



And I suddenly had a GREAT idea! Why not harness the power, energy, and all that pent-up Karen rage, and use it to our advantage?



First of all, if you’re one of the Karens going around yelling “Democratic PIGS!” and screaming that all the Democratic governors are forcing them to wear masks, please leave the blog for a few minutes. Okay? Thanks!



(looks around) are they gone? Great! Here’s the idea — and please feel free to pass this on to your Evil Democratic governator:

Make it ILLEGAL to go out in public WITH a face mask!!

Take a moment to mull it over, and you’ll see the absolute brilliance of this idea!

Karens in every Democratic-governored state will scream in anger:

You can’t take away my mask! You Democratic PIGS!!

and

I’ll give you my face mask when you pry it from my cold, dead FACE!!

MAGA 4EVER!! masks, manufactured by Trump Industries (basically, Karen personified) will proliferate everywhere,  and the economy will come roaring back!

Meanwhile, all of us (you and me, the ones who didn’t leave the room) will know it’s all a ploy to keep us safe from Hurricane Karen!

I’m sure there are some bugs in the idea, but I don’t have time to figure them out. Feel free to give me your thoughts in the comments!

See you next week!

Some common sense, for the butt-hurt amongst you

Okay, before I dive into yet another “Mildly Controversial” post, let me share some GREAT news with you — my weigh-in!

195.8

Yay, finally!! And if anyone ever tells you writing down your calories every day doesn’t make any difference, send ’em to me.

Now for the controversial part! Apparently a bunch of you (I’m using “you” generically, not talking about you specifically, MOM!!) are getting all upset because your favorite racist food names and/or logos are being retired, because … you know … they’re RACIST!!

And really, I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but if you’re reading this, you’re a dieter, right? So you ought to know already that most of the crap Big Food pretends is “food” is really just a big glob of high-fructose corn syrup mixed with way too much sodium and way too little nutritional value, right?

What I’m trying to convey to you is that if you’re all butt-hurt because Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben, and Eskimo Pie are changing their names, you really need to get a grip on reality.

If it’s too hard for you, let me “blogger-splain” it to you.

These names and logos are based on racial stereotypes. We, as a society, in this year of our Lord 2020 A.D., have finally started to realize that. And the businesses that make all our Taste O’Crap and CrapTastic Brand Kwality Food Products are finally allowing themselves to be dragged, kicking and screaming all the way, into the 21st century, where we’re supposed to be treating each other as equals.

So they’re changing the NAMES and the LOGOS. But they’re NOT changing the FOODS!! You’ll still be able to suck on your Crap On A Stick or pour Fake “Maypel” Syrup on your plastic-enhanced waffles, if you so choose!

You just won’t be able to do it while gazing lovingly at a name and/or logo that was most likely inspired by a minstrel show!

And frankly, if you’re reading this blog, you should know better than to be eating all that fake stuff, anyway! What’s wrong with REAL maple syrup, anyway? They do still make it, you know!

So untwist your panties and stop doing your bad Archie Bunker imitations, ‘kay? ‘Cause that, my friends, is no longer kosher (if it ever was)!

Whew — all that righteous indignation is makin’ me hungry! Tell you what — next week I’ll share a couple of easy breakfast ideas that you can make with at least 50 percent REAL food! Meantime, have a great week! Oh, and by the way:

Back From the Brink!

Good morning, everyone! Sorry to be a little late. I’m been mixing my Trader Joe’s Breakfast Blend (coarse grind) with some pre-Covid era decaf, in order to save on trips to the store, so I’m having a little trouble getting completely awake and alert!

Hopefully that’ll be remedied soon (hint hint), but meantime, I’m thrilled to be able to report that, after coming justthisclose to my personal Danger Zone (200 pounds!),

I FINALLY started doing what I’m always telling YOU guys to do — writing down my calories every day and resuming a semi-regular exercise program (basically, long walks in the wilderness of Simi Valley, three times a week), I’ve got a decent loss to report! Ready? Here’s the number:

197.0


Yeah, that’s more like it!



Now, since I’m down to half-caf, I’ll just go have TWICE as much covfefe and maybe that’ll make me a little more alert!

See ya next week!

What year is it again?

What a week, huh? Seems like every time we start to relax, 2020 throws us another curve ball!

And sure, we could probably get through it if we just had some calm, sensible, reassuring leadership, either now or in the foreseeable future!

Yikes! Well, obviously we don’t, so I for one don’t feel inclined to get too excited about my weight loss, or lack thereof! Which brings me to the weigh-in:

198.0

which, all things considered, isn’t really that big a deal! After all, while I haven’t lost, I haven’t gained, either. And since losing seems to be the order of the day right now, I suspect I’m in good company!

(Although, in a twisted sort of way, he’s actually accomplishing quite a lot!)

But of course, as I’ve often said, this is a weight-loss blog, not a political one, so whether you support the Trumpster or the Hair Sniffer, you’re welcome here! Just be aware that I do have my opinions, and occasionally need to get them out in the open!

Well, since I’m paying $50 buckaroonies a year for the privilege of this WordPress blog, I’m darn tootin’ gonna have my say, so there, David!! Anyway, that’s the weigh-in! Hopefully by next week, the world will have calmed down a bit and it’ll stop looking like the ’60s are making a comeback!

See ya then, unless … well, let’s just keep the positive thoughts, shall we?

 

A Sternly Worded Letter to my Bathroom Scales

Dear Scales:

You have been weighed in the scales, and found wanting!

This morning you told me I weighed

198.0

And I don’t understand why! I’ve been going for walks, counting my calories (well … kinda …) and also, I’m a really good person! So I don’t understand why you’re punishing me like this!

Oh! Well, sorry, then, Lord*! But I admit, I’m getting a little frustrated! And not to knock Science and everything, but y’know, I really need to find someone (else) to blame for this, because I’m getting dangerously close to my own personal Point of No Return!

Which, if you haven’t been paying attention to my mutterings as I stand on you* every morning, is 200 pounderinos! And you’re bringing me WAY too close to that number, Scales — like a Covidiot ignoring social distancing rules!

And yes I KNOW I haven’t been writing down ALL my calories, every day, and yes I KNOW I haven’t been doing any kind of meaningful workouts for weeks, other than the occasional hikes!

So I’m giving you fair warning — NEXT week, you better show a WAY lower number. ‘Cause I’ve got a hammer, and I know how to use it!

Sincerely,

Your Owner and, therefore, for the purposes of this blog entry, your Boss!

* and Scales!
** Still talking to the Scales here — not you, the reader! Much less to the Lord! Standing on the Lord might be all well and good from a poetic, theological standpoint but realistically, S/he might not appreciate it. And as I always say re: these pesky theological matters: why take chances?

My well of catchy blog titles is empty right now, sorry!

Yeah, it’s Wednesday and it’s Weigh-In Time, but for the life of me, I can’t think of a catchy title today! Just can’t seem to get those … things … you know, in my head … working …

critical

Yeah, well, guess I’m not the only one, huh? Anyhoo, let’s do the weight first because it’s actually pretty good!

196.2
woo hoo

Yeah, down a bit! I was getting a little worried there. But you know, that’s a good argument for weighing yourself every day — you can see it creeping back up and decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.

chidi paralyzed

Yeah, well, unlike Chidi, I don’t have as much trouble with that! Still, I do know that when I get > 5 pounds away from THE BIG 2-0-0, that’s my cue to restart the diet!!

sherlock

And I’m doing my best to go out for long walks 3 days a week. It seems to be helping — and you know, even if it didn’t affect the weight, I’d still do it, just for that feeling of freedom and being one with Nature and all that jazz.

think flowers dog

Of course, I can’t go to all the popular trails I used to enjoy, because, y’know, people are idiots.

human nature

But as long as I stay off the beaten path, I’m fine! And off the beaten path is where the prettiest flowers are, sometimes!

IMG_20200516_111348273

And NO I’m not telling you where I took that picture — stay away from my trails, dagnabit!!

make like a tree

Did you know Biff Tannen from “Back to the Future” was based on Trump??

Oh, and speaking of bullies in popular movies and TV, let us all bow our heads in remembrance of the GREAT Ken Osmond, aka everyone’s favorite wise guy, Eddie Haskell!

eddie haskell athletics

He was one of the greats! So on that slightly melancholy note, I’ll bid you farewell, and let’s keep our fingers crossed we don’t lose any more childhood favorites between now and next Wednesday!

Wednesday Wildflower Walk Weigh-In!

Good morning, peeps! Great to see you! How are you holding up? Feel free to rant in the comments!

First things first: the weigh-in!

197.4

Down a pound, which is nothing to sneeze at! And speaking of sneezing …

yours truly saw some lovely wildflowers on a hiking trail in an undisclosed location in the beautiful San Fernando Valley area yesterday! Here’s a few photos for your enjoyment:

Oh, and just FYI, the REASON I’m not disclosing the location is I don’t want all you nitwits to go out there tomorrow and ruin it for me!

Find a nice place to walk in your OWN neighborhood that only you and your neighborinos know about. If you can’t find one, well, there’s always the ol’ Staycation, right in your own back yard (if you’re lucky enough to have one)!

And remember, both Aunt Chrissy (a left-wing loony) and Mr. 50by60 (a right-wing NON-covidiot) say, wear your masks, please!

At least when there are other people around! If you’re alone, it’s probably OK to take it off — maybe!

In which case, you’re on your own!! See ya next week!

Grab your face masks — we’re goin’ in!

Testing …

testing smart guy

testing …

testing 123 viking

testing …

testing 123 office space

and WE’RE BACK!!

yay grumpy cat

Yes, that’s right, ladies and gents, welcome back to your favorite weight-loss blog of all time!! And I know you’ve all been on tenterhooks …

huh keanu

… I mean, pins and needles, waiting to see that fresh, updated Rhymin’ Weekly Weigh-in after — what’s it been now? a month? month and a half?

twin peaks what year

Well, Agent Cooper, as I think we’re all WAY too aware, it’s still 2020, and will be for quite a bit longer, I’m afraid! BUT that doesn’t mean we can’t try to have a little fun, right?

right meme 1

And part of that fun is seeing just HOW much weight your favorite weight-loss diet guru blogger has lost during this shutdown thingy, seeing as how I’m, y’know, supposedly setting an example and all that … right?

damn right anchorman

So without further adieux …

get on1

Oh, sorry, Lord! OK then, today’s weight … let’s see … um … gee whillikers:

198.4
scales sorry charlie
Way more than before!!

Eep!! OK, yes, I did gain a teensy bit. Probably from all the stress, and the fact that my gym was closed. Certainly couldn’t have been the food … I hardly ate a bite, I was so worried!

junk food

Well, OK, maybe I took in a FEW more calories than I put out! But hey, we’re all in this together, right? I’m betting you [pointing left] and you [pointing right] and you in the middle there [pointing straight ahead] didn’t do that great either, right?

am i right ned

So look, in the words of virtually every TV and radio ad I’ve seen for the past few weeks, we’re all in this together, paddling the same canoe, blah blah blah togetherness, etc.

same boat cat

And now those of us who’ve, er, fluffed up a bit recently, have a chance to create a “new normal” for ourselves, which, if we do it right, should involve COUNTING THE GOLDURN CALORIES again, consarnit!

whee doggies jed clampett

Whaddya say, friends and neighborinos? Should we jump back on the horse that threw us, and head out on the trail again? I’m game if you are!

happy trails roy and dale

Okily dokily — let’s give it a try! I’ll meet you back here next week!

batman same bat time

Weightless Wednesday!

Well, good morning, everyone! As you might remember from last week, I’m taking a weigh-in staycation till April 30th.

“Corner Gas,” season 3, episode 6, “Mail Fraud”

Still, that’s no reason I can’t check in and let you know all the exciting things going on in my life right now!

Yeah, that’s pretty much the most exciting thing that’s happened to me all week! And it’s my very first Instacart order, too, so it’ll be interesting to see how it all works!

If you’ve had any experiences with them, or other grocery delivery services, let me know in the comments. This may be the “new normal,” as you know, so add any tips & tricks you know of to smooth out the process!

Heck, feel free to share ANY helpful hints!

Hang in there everybody — see ya next week for another Weightless Wednesday!