Insert Humorous Blog Post Title Here (or, “What? It’s Wednesday Already?”)

Yeah, I wasn’t really prepared for this, after sustaining a minor but very annoying injury on an otherwise enjoyable hike this past Monday when, in my best Peter Griffin imitation, I slipped and whacked my kneecap on a very hard, irritatingly unyielding rock!

peter griffin knee

Contrary to all the concerned Facebook comments I got when I posted about it later, I wasn’t so much worried about “omg, I’m all alone, who will help me?” as I was, “omg, I hope I don’t have to get one of those mountain bikers or large, noisy families to help me!” See, it was MLK Day, and on federal holidays, the parks don’t charge the usual entrance fees.

horde

So it wasn’t like I was stranded out in the wilderness with only a few Fedex boxes to keep me alive till I could get off the island.

castaway 2

No, I channeled my inner Grumpy Cat and hobbled my way around the rest of the trail,

grumpy cat

enjoying the scenery and making extravagant promises to my knee involving hot bubble baths, ice packs, etc. if it would just hold out till I got back to the parking lot. And it did! I checked the mileage later and found that my fall had happened at mile 1.5, after which I walked another 3.5 miles!

huell2

That’s right, Huell! Which is why it’s REALLY annoying to have to tell you that, after all that — after the long hike, the knee whack, and STILL sticking to my calorie counting the next day — my weight is STILL up!

195.8
scales sorry charlie
gday mate

Which makes me think that maybe I should be focusing less on the weight and more on the fact that I’m a bada$$ old hiker lady! I mean, maybe the reason my knee WASN’T injured as badly as it might have been is that layer of fat protecting it!

plausible

So maybe I won’t worry too much about the weight, and instead, look into the possibility of getting some of those cool folding hiking poles, which might actually have been useful around mile 1.5!

hiking poles

And meanwhile, I’ll just keep countin’ the calories and walking, when I can!

twirling

See ya next week!

 

 

Hiking for Fun and (sometimes) Weight Loss!

First, let’s get this out of the “weigh” (get it?):

don't get it

Oh, it’s funny, all right! All humor at 50by60.com is guaranteed to make you laugh, or you get a full refund on your admission price!

seriously.jpg

OK, okay*! Here ya go, my Offishul Way-In for the Weak:

195.4
scales
core bore

There ya go, down a little from last week — not too shabby! And I’ve been doing some actual hiking during the past week, too, which I think has helped with the weight loss (though not so much with the knees!), assuming I can avoid eating back all the calories I burned. And of course, you know the old saying about “assuming”!

assume

So, on that note, let me post with a photo I took yesterday at a place I have hiked to twice, Lasky Mesa, in the Upper Las Virgenes Open Space (“in or near Los Angeles,” as Grampa Google puts it), because I have searched high and low on the Interwebs and NO ONE has posted a photo of this neat and weird-looking little pool of water:

lasky mesa

Weird pool of water surrounded by sand/rock dunes, Lasky Mesa, Upper Las Virgenes Open Space, photo by Christine Lehman

Yes, you, faithful reader, are seeing something that most people don’t know exists! That’s what hiking does for you! (Well, that and making your knees hurt, but ya know, it’s always something!)

it's always something roseanne.jpg

See ya next time for more Adventures In Hiking!

*It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned it, but I do freelance transcription, which means I have to remember that one company’s Style Guide says to use “OK” and the other company says to use “Okay” and god/dess help you if you get confused. Get it? Got it? Good!

First 2020 Weigh-In: Danger Zone!!

All right, let’s get it over with!!

196.8
scales sorry charlie.jpg
bait bait.jpg

Yikes! Definitely up quite a bit since the last weigh-in before Christmas. And I’m much too close to my self-imposed “danger zone” border line (200 pounds) for comfort!

danger zone.jpg

However, it’s not QUITE as bad as it could have been. Mainly because of this AWESOME WEIGHT LOSS TIP I’m happy to pass on to you, my loyal readers, for FREE! to wit:

  1. If you don’t like your weight, go back to bed for an hour. Then weigh yourself again. 99.99% of the time, it’ll go down! And if it doesn’t, you’ve now got TWO weights to choose from!

goober pyle

Isn’t that amazing, kids? I’m sure there’s a completely scientific reason for it that I’m not qualified to explain, since I’m definitely not a scientist! But for some reason, THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK works for me, and therefore it must have tons of scientific validity behind it!

science trump.jpg

So you totally have my permission, on this Wednesday, January 8, 2020, to go back to bed! (If your boss gives you a hard time, tell them you visited a hypnotist yesterday and it hasn’t worn off yet.)

missing work office space.jpg

See ya next week!

 

Last Post Before The New Year!

rise and shine.jpg

Yeah, I know, it’s not Groundhog Day yet, but it IS cold out there, campers! Here in beautiful Reseda, California, it was a bone-chilling 49 degrees every day last week! Then, er, we replaced the battery in our thermometer.

aa batteries.jpg

I mean, still kinda chilly! Not quite as consistently, though.

eyeroll

Anyhoo, let’s get to the weigh-in, shall we? Here we go!

193.0
fix smaller
ho ho no

Hey, same as last week! Not too shabby, considering we got a big giant Hickory Farms gift basket from my brother and sister-in-law (hi, Mike and Kim!) and most of it’s, um, well, not quite so giant anymore! And there’s more on the way from my cousin!

oh look pie.jpg

Yeah, it’s that time of year — but that also means we’re getting close to New Year’s Resolution Time, baby!

sw new goal

Yes, we’ll all get together and join hands and pledge to keep all the same resolutions we so enthusiastically gave up on last February!

whos with me.jpg

That’s OK, Bluto! You don’t have to worry about it for another coupla weeks! Meantime, as is my wont…

wont

…I’m giving myself a Blogging Break so I can enjoy the holidays guilt-free! (Or at least, without telling YOU about it!) And hey, why not take a Diet Break yourself? Go on!

go on go on.jpg

You deserve it! Enjoy all the special stuff you only get this time of year (and/or in January if you shop the clearance aisles at Walgreens)! I’ll meet you right back here on January 1, 2020, and we’ll renew our Commitment To Diet!

binge trump

And if it’s good enough for our Prez, it’s good enough for me! See you next year!!!

face i make next year.jpg

Happy Thanksgiving – one weigh or another!

Well, well, it’s the day before Thanksgiving and I’m actually blogging! In prior years, I’ve given myself a holiday, but this year I think I’ll be a good little blogger and actually stick with my pledge to weigh myself every week, good, bad, or ugly. So let’s see what the ol’ scales say today … hmm hm hmm hm hmm …

191.8

sewell gasp

(Any excuse for a Rufus Sewell meme!)

Yeah, still on the higher side of what I’d like! Still, I’m not going to let it bother me. Mainly because it’s pouring down rain right now, and Mr. 50by60 and I have a long, slow slog ahead of us.

rain

So I’ll keep this short and sweet (like moi!) — have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! See you next week for the post-this holiday and pre-the next one edition!

Thanksgiving conversation starters and/or calorie burners!

Well, hello, everyone! Are you as excited about next week’s Big Giant Turkey Holiday (U.S. only) as I am? Bet you are! But before we get to that, how’s about the weigh-in?

191.4

A little lower than last week, so that’s good, right? Anyway, no worries! It’s that time of year, when we all gather round with our loving families, to clasp hands and, together, repeat those hallowed words:

And y’know, a lot of people worry about getting into political and/or religious arguments over holiday meals. I say, go for it! Nothing like a good knock-down, drag-out fistfight to keep that calorie deficit going!

So on that note, here’s a few ideas to get your family’s conversational balls rolling:

1. So, how soon do you think they’ll impeach Trump?

2. So, who’s paying for our meal, Elizabeth Warren or Andrew Yang?

3. Is it weird that I want Joe Biden to sniff MY hair?

4. When are you people going to [ditch religion/find God] and [enjoy your life/have a better life] already??

5. (take a deep sniff first) Um, you’re sure this turkey was cooked, right?

6. Hey [insert name of least favorite elderly relative here], are you going to take out your dentures again?

7. Hey [insert name of least favorite young whippersnapper relative here], when are you gonna get MARRIED and give us some GRANDchildren??

There ya go, seven questions guaranteed to get the blood flowing, so you can eat some more turkey and dressing!

Enjoy, and see ya next week!

Totally noncontroversial weigh-in!

Wow, sorry about getting super-controversial last week, folks! What can I say? Sometimes I just gotta let it all hang out!

cat hang out

Of course, that’s kinda the reason I’m doing a weight loss blog — too MUCH hanging out (nyuk nyuk!). So let’s ditch the controversy this week, and get right to the straight dope!

straight dopes 3 stooges

Hey, have you visited my other website yet? Why not? 

NO, not that one! (or that one, or that one! nyuk nyuk) I MEANT, the weigh-in!

192.8
NOT GREAT

YIKES! Well, for the past several weeks, I’ve been hangin’ out at Plateau Point. But for some reason, this week I’m trying to keep that rock from rolling back downhill!

sisyphus maintaining.jpg

I’m not complaining – there are worse places I could be. You know, like BACK OVER 200 POUNDS, which I am really wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ to avoid. (And yeah, I suppose a little workin’ out and calorie countin’ wouldn’t hurt, either!

captain obvious.jpg

Still, I haven’t given up hoping that one morning I’ll wake up and all this fat will magically be gone. It could happen! I read a Barbara Cartland* romance novel once where the heroine was a big fat princess who was engaged to a prince, but she had some sort of delicate medical emergency that entailed being put in a coma for several months, during which she lost all sorts of weight, after which the prince fell madly in love with her and begged her to marry him, which she agreed to do but only if they could do it RIGHT AWAY, so she could let herself go again after the wedding.

romantic.jpg

Of course, I’m already married, and I let myself go a long time ago! Still, a girl can dream, can’t she? See ya next week, everyone!

*Barbara Cartland (1901-2000) wrote tons of romance novels involving virgins who got in trouble (but not THAT kind of trouble) but always had a happy ending (and yeah, THAT kind of happy ending, although it was very, very, very delicately implied!), and when I was younger you could find her books EVERYWHERE, usually in laundromats or thrift shops with the front covers torn off. 

barbara cartland.jpg

 

 

Super Scary Hallowe’en Weigh-In Edition!

Well, good morning, boys and girls! As you know, it’s almost time for the scariest day of the year — All Hallows Eve!! And Aunt 50by60 has some really scary stuff for you today!

count on it

First, of course, there’s the obligatory Weekly Weigh-in. Well, now THAT can’t be too scary! I mean, yeah, I haven’t exercised as much this last week, but I’ve been keeping an eye on my calories, kinda-sorta more-or-less! So let’s just step on the scales…

don't step on scales

…and see what…EEEK!!

190.0??
mr bill

Yikes! 190 is my (self-designated) Official Cutoff Point O’ Doom! So that’s really scary because it means I DO have to get off my butt this week and do some (eek) exercise!

paranormal weight room

And that’s gonna be REALLY tough because, as hinted at in last week’s post, we’ve just welcomed a new addition to the 50by60 household — meet PUMPKIN!

pumpkin princess

As you can see, Pumpkin, a black cat with gorgeous orange eyes (which you can’t see because, like all cats, she’s usually asleep) is getting into the Hallowe’en spirit by making herself comfortable on the shelf directly above the Memorial Shelf, where we keep the mementos of our beloved previous cat, +Princess+, who perished just a year ago yesterday.

Princess 3

And just to make it sadder, +Princess+ died on Mr. 50by60’s birthday last year.

sad kitteh.jpg

THIS year, he had to go to the dentist and get a filling and a crown. Hmm — maybe next year we should plan something a tad more cheerful!

wide

Anyway, we miss +Miss Princess+, so we’re thrilled to welcome Miss Pumpkin to take her place in our home (although of course, never in our hearts!). Our other cat, Buddy, is still debating about how HE feels about it!

new kitten

However, I’ve found a little extra food in his bowl makes him calm down about the whole situation. That works for humans too — which is probably why my weight is going UP rather than DOWN! You may have noticed we’ve had a couple of wildfires out here in So Cal (and No Cal) over the past few, um, weeks? (I’ve lost track.)

wildfire1

Pretty much every morning over the past couple of weeks, we’ve awakened to yet another round of smoke, ashes, high winds, and red fonts on the Drudge Report. This morning’s outbreak is just past Simi Valley, near the Reagan Library — AND not too far from my favorite 24 Hour Fitness Location!

24hrpool

YES, the one with the pool!!

So best wishes to all the beleaguered firefighters who are definitely being stretched thin! Which makes my efforts to get thin seem kinda unimportant, in the grand scheme of things, right? Still, I haven’t given up hope! At some point (if Pumpkin lets me)…

lap

…I’ll stand up, grab my water bottle (and my face mask), and take a nice long walk through the beautiful Southern California autumn!

happy fall so cal

Well, that’s it!

joe flaherty count floyd scary.jpg

Enjoy your week!

Stray Cat Blues!

Oh yeah! Hmm, I seem to be singin’ the blues a lot lately on this blog, don’t I? The Summertime Blues, the Not Enough Quarters for the Washing Machine Blues, and of course, everyone’s favorite, that seemingly never-ending waltz around “Plateau Point!” This week is a little less tragic – I’m down to:

189.0

A miniscule little drop, to be sure, but still, any loss of elevation is welcome (unless you’re on Viagra, I guess?).

Anyway, the “stray cat” of my title song is a cute little black kitten who’s trying to stake out territory in the space between our house and the neighbors, as well as in MY HEART waahhh!!

The thing is, although (of course!) he’s super cute, neither Mr. 50by60 nor our current alpha cat, the Budster, is really ready for a cute new interloper just yet. After all, it’s been less than a year since our beloved Princess went to Kitty Heaven,

taking our hearts with her! And none of us is really quite sure we’re ready to reclaim our hearts from way up there and start from scratch (literally – I mean, it’s a cat!) with a new furry friend. But like all good salespeople, Li’l Blackie hasn’t given up yet!

And to be honest, he’s already wormed his way into — if not my heart, at least into that vast Catholic guilt complex inside my head.

I’ve been buying extra cat food and leaving it out between the houses for him, as well as lying awake at night, worrying that he’ll be too cold out there. “It’s 50 degrees!!! Won’t he freeze to death?”

So we’ll see what happens. If nothing else, all this stress should result in a nice, juicy weight loss next week! By which time, by the by, and getting back to the “Washing Machine Blues,” we may just have a brand new washing machine, y’all!!!

Stay tuned — I’ll update you next week on the cats, the major appliances, and of course, the continuing saga of The Weight!!

I got the “not enough quarters for the washing machine” blues!

Well, hey there, and a hearty good morning to all my nieces and nephews out there in Blogland! Yes, it’s Auntie 50by60, here to entertain you with another edition of “Why Can’t I Get Off Plateau Point??”

plateau point

That’s right, today’s weight is (drum roll please):

189.2
scales
woo hoo

Yep, EXACTLY the same as last week, give or take a millimeter or so.

silly little millimeter

And that’s fine! I’m not really complaining. Just that earlier in the week, it swooped down to a dazzling 185.4, which I was hoping was a harbinger of the future! Unfortunately, like 99.999% of all predictions and prophecies (so far!), that turned out to be incorrect!

predictions tough

No duh, Yogi Berra! Well, anyway, getting back to the TITLE of this here blog post, our beloved washing machine of 23+ years picked this week to pass on to its eternal reward, taking the ease of tossing our dirty duds into it at any time of day or night, for free, with it. At first, Mr. 50by60 thought he might be able to repair it.

i man washing.jpg

But it was too far gone, so we’ve decided to replace it instead. However, due to busy schedules and a general lack of resolve, we’re putting it off till next weekend, or maybe the week after that. Sometime before Thanksgiving, that’s for sure!

drew appliances

Meanwhile, I’m enjoying what used to be a major social event in my single days: going to the laundromat!

trump laundromat.jpg

And I have to say, it’s actually kinda fun! Our neighborhood laundromat (located in the semi-strip mall where the Jo-Ann’s used to be, thus and hence having oodles of parking) is sparkling clean, not too crowded at the times I was there, and most importantly, has a restroom that’s actually been cleaned within living memory!

employee hands

So far I’ve hauled our big bags of stinky laundry down there twice, and enjoyed all that retro laundry stuff immensely. You know, estimating how long the wash cycle will be so you can figure out how many snacks you’ll have time to consume out of the overpriced vending machine … Oops!!

just kidding.jpg

Forgot for a moment I’m a respected, prestigious diet blogger!! No, what I meant to say (ahem!) was, estimating how long the wash cycle will be so you can figure out how much time you’ll have for a nice, healthy walk or jog!

parks and rec jogging is the worst.jpg

And then, of course, since our dryer is still working, I haul all the wet stuff back home so I can save the few precious, precious quarters that are still left. Although I have to confess, last time I cheated and used the dryer. Yeah, I know, 75 cents down the drain, but it gave me an extra half hour to scarf down some Doritos eat some healthy salad!

parks and rec salad.jpeg

So as you can see, I’ve definitely had some ups and downs this week, and not just the weight! However, on a brighter note, the temps have been dropping a lot, due to this thing called climate change autumn, so you know what that means — it’s outdoor exercise time!

suns out guns out.jpg

Yeah!! So hopefully next week I’ll have (a) climbed down from Plateau Point, (b) taken steps towards getting that fancy schmancy new washing machine, and (c) most importantly, found some Sugar Free Pumpkin Spice Coffee Creamer at the grocery store!

are-we-done-here-my-pumpkin-spice-catnip-isgoingstale-5739867

Seriously, they just fly off the shelves! So wish me luck — and have a GREAT week, y’all! Remember, Hallowe’en is on the way!!

halloween samhain.jpg