Pollyanna meets the Apocalypse (the unauthorized sequel)

If you’re tired of all those cheerful Facebook videos, Twitter posts, and other messages of hope and optimism from our suddenly shuttered world — well, you’ll probably want to pass this one by as well. Yeah, I’m one of those relentlessly “glass is half full” types who refuse to let you wallow in unmitigated misery!

glass half

And Pollyanna may have been an unbearable little twit, but she had her good points (especially as played by Hayley Mills, who wasn’t quite as unbearable as the original)! Namely, she helped all those around her, even l’il orphan Jimmy, see the upside of things!

prisms

There’s always something fun to do, even in a seemingly never-ending lockdown!

But Pollyanna had a point — when life screws you over, like it has so many of us recently, you have to decide how you’re going to deal with it. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light? Or rejoice, because now you can see the stars more clearly?

doctor dark stars

That was pretty philosophical, huh? Hey, I have my moments! So anyway, now that Pollyanna and I have helped you see the brighter side of the Apocalypse, let’s check the ol’ weightaroonie, shall we?

193.8

Yikes! Uh, uh yeah, well, y’see, my gym’s been closed for a week (the one I rarely go to anyway) and all the hiking trails have been closed (not that I’d go hiking in the rain anyway) and church is closed, so none of those fun Lenten prostrations (even though I always just bend over halfway and touch the edge of the pew — hey, I’m not a FANATIC, man!) and there’s not enough healthy snacks at the grocery stores (other than the vegetables, which no one seems to be hoarding for some reason).

lame excuse

I mean, there’s an excuse for everything, right? And it’s a stressful time for all of us, and at least another week to go! And yeah, I know it could be *longer* than a week, but let’s face it, one week at a time is probably the best we can all do right now, am I right?

one week later

Oh, let’s hope not! But if it does, rest assured, I’ll still be here to spread more cheer! (Oh, and speaking of spreading more cheer — you TOTALLY have my permission to treat yourself to one completely off-limits, highly calorific, fatty junk food item this week! Go nuts, friends! We’ll work it off together once this is all over!)

junk food

Please stay six feet away from this blog, thank you!

Ah, what a difference a week makes, huh? Last week at this time, most of us were still going our merry way, tra la la, a little worried about this whole coronavirus thing, but y’know, I’m sure they’ll work it all out, nothing to see here, mate!

Then Tom Hanks and Idris Elba got it, and all h-e-double-toothpicks broke loose!

So we’re all under house arrest, pretty much, but sorry, that doesn’t let you off the ol’ diet-and-exercise hook!

And after some long and careful thought, I decided to go on with the weekly weigh-ins, because really, what else have I got to do?

Oh — well, yeah, that! And I do plan to stand in yet another line later today, making sure I’ve got all the canned tuna and shrimp I can snag!

But before I head out to stock up on essentials, let me just jump on the ol’ scales … hang on … let’s see:

192.6

Wow, down an entire pound since last week! Well, that’s really interesting ’cause (true confession time!) I kinda gave in to temptation yesterday and indulged in some KFC.

Hey, stressful times, baby! And I know, it’s Lent, so theoretically I’m supposed to be giving up all that stuff. But y’know, since we’re giving up a whole lot of OTHER stuff right now (like the freedom to wander aimlessly around Trader Joe’s, shoving our fellow customers out of the way and grabbing that last box of Mini Hold The Cones out from under their noses, ’cause who do they think they are, shopping at the same time WE are?)

…I figured, what the hey! It may be a while before I get to indulge, and as Pete Hornberger sang on “30 Rock” (a great show to binge watch, btw!),

So, a pound down, that’s good! And by the way, while everyone else is a little uncertain about where our next roll of toilet paper might come from, those of us who’ve got every nook and cranny of our houses, cars, and She Sheds filled with books and vintage magazines are feelin’ pretty vindicated right now!

Seriously, there are some rough times ahead, but we’ll make it! Hang in there, and I promise, come hell, high water, or icky virus, I’ll continue to post my weigh-ins! See ya next week, and remember, spring is on the weigh!!