What’s up, WordPress? Back for another banger!

Good morning, everyone! For those who are a little puzzled about the title, I’ve been watching a LOT of the adorable “Twinsthenewtrend” videos on YouTube this week, and that’s how they start out every video. Check ’em out! Fair warning, though, start one, and you’ll look up and wonder where that hour and a half went! For example:

Oh yeah! I’m listening while I’m blogging! Anyway, let’s get to the weigh-in, shall we? It’s not too shabby:

197.4

Yeah, back down 0.6 of a pound, and down is always good!

So, in spite of the fact that it’s still 2020, and everything’s still kind of fluid right now …

… not to mention, all the fires and, oh yeah, that pesky virus …

I’m just gonna keep counting my calories, drinking lots of water …

and of course, walking, outdoors if possible, indoors if necessary!

And I still have an active prayer life, in spite of what certain members of the patriarchy (you know who you are!) might think.

So maybe if I just keep doing all the right things, the scale will move, 2020 will (eventually) be over, and things will get better!

Well, maybe not THAT much better! I’m a realist! But we’ll do our best, won’t we? Meantime, keep chuggin’ the water and countin’ the calories, and I’ll see you next week!

Just a flesh wound!

Yeah, it’s a teensy little gain:

198.0

But it could have been worse! Last week, in case you didn’t notice, I took the week off and did one of my legendary “road trips” to beautiful Phoenix, Arizona, where it only got up to about 122 degrees Fahrenheit at, um, 9:00 AM. So not too bad, for September.

And I spent a little quality time visiting relatives (at a relatively safe social distance, masks on) …

… as well as vegging in my luxurious hotel room watching “30 Rock” …

… and feeling guiltily glad that the fitness center was closed due to the pandemic. I mean, I never actually USED it, but it was always there, in case I felt the urge.

Heh … yeah, that meme is funny! But you know what? An outdoor gym might not be a bad idea! Although you might want to wait for all the fires to go out before hopping onto Nature’s Treadmill.

Yeah, that’s a shame. It’s really making the air quality suckalicious, too. So maybe it’s a good idea to stay inside, for multiple reasons — perhaps for the rest of the year!

Anyway, stay safe, do the best you can re: diet and exercise, and we’ll meet right back here next week!

If It’s Wednesday, It Must Not Be Belgium

Some people have asked why I don’t give as much attention to making fun of Joe Biden as I do of our current Infector in Chief.



Hey listen, as soon as he’s safely ensconced in the Casa Blanca, and Donnie’s back in Florida walking around in his Crocs, I’ll gladly indulge in some Hair Sniffer in Chief memes!



Till then, though, I just want to focus on two things:

1. getting my ballot(s) in as early as possible,

and

2. fer cryin’ out loud, counting my calories! I keep SAYING I’m going to, but then I DON’T …



Sigh! Well, maybe if I keep SAYING it, once in a while, I’ll actually DO it! Let’s see if I can do that enough times during the next week to have a loss, shall we? Because if I keep having weigh-ins like this:

199.0

nobody’s gonna be happy! 

Thanks, ex-Prez! Meanwhile, let’s just get on out there in the 150-degree temperature and do a little exercise, shall we? See ya next week!!

It’s fine to say it sucks!!

Good morning, everyone! Well, in spite of the title of this post, I’m happy to say my weigh-in doesn’t suck (at least it’s down a skoche!):

199.4

Whew, back a teensy beensy bit from that over-200-pounds-eek-eek-eek cliff!

I won’t breathe (or eat) easy till I get back under 195, but I hereby vow that I WILL accomplish that goal by the end of this month! Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Still, it really sucks that I can’t just go to my gym and hop on the treadmill for half an hour or so, or lift weights.

And it also sucks that I can’t go to the library and kill an hour reading the newspaper and magazines (like the old fogey I am).

And it REALLY sucks that I can’t spend a pleasant day driving from one favorite used bookstore to another.

What also sucks is that if I dare to say in public that any of these things suck, I run the risk of somebody chiming in, “Yeah! And they shouldn’t be allowed to close all those places! And you shouldn’t have to wear a mask at Costco! It’s all a hoax!”

Then there’s the other possible extreme, which I admit I’ve been guilty of as well — scolding the people who complain by insisting that they acknowledge what a horrific disease coronavirus is and the reasonableness of the shutdowns. “What? You hate wearing a mask? You must be one of those anti-maskers who wants everyone to DIE!”

And here’s the truth: I’m one of those people in the “mushy middle” who I’m betting makes up the majority of people right now. We hate the shutdowns and we hate the face masks, while at the same time we TOTALLY understand and agree with the reasoning behind them!

So why is it that we can’t just express our opinions without being lumped in with the extremist thought police on BOTH sides? And yeah, I know there’s some danger in “bothsidesism.”

I mean, I’m part of the Byzantine Catholic Church, which has been playing both sides of the Catholic-vs.-Orthodox divide for a few years now!

So honestly, I don’t really know what the solution is. Maybe just exercise a little kindness and compassion towards everyone you meet? I know that’s a long shot, but isn’t it kinda sorta what those of us who consider ourselves followers of that Jesus guy in some way, shape, or form are supposed to be doing?

I dunno, I’m not sure I’m articulating this very well. Maybe I should just go have breakfast and think it over. Or maybe you could tell me what you think, in that oh-so-seldom-used “Comments” section right below! Whaddya think?

Meanwhile, have a great week — and remember, even though it definitely sucks, wear the mask!

Never thought I’d say this!

Well, after yet ANOTHER week of NOT doing the kind of exercises that I used to do, and weighing in at — let’s see here:

198.6

… I’m realizing that, in spite of all the times I’ve grumped and complained and basically Karen’d about various problems at lo, the many gyms I’ve belonged to over the years … I [leans closer; whispers] kinda MISS ’em!

Yeah, it’s true! Maybe just the act of going to a gym, changing clothes and going into an area full of exercise machines makes you … I dunno … more likely to exercise?

I mean, I do love the walking and the hiking and even the occasional (if I can describe what I do as) running, but let’s face it — sometimes, when the temperature rises to a brisk 110 degrees, here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, a gal needs her air-conditioned, video-screened treadmill!

Can’t be helped, though — as you may recall, I quit not one but TWO gyms during the past year — Anytime Fitness and the YMCA — opting to stick with my beloved 24 Hour Fitness in Simi Valley. Which — guess what? is now closed!!

The one with the pool??

No, not the one with the pool! That one’s still open, but the pool and the hot tub — the ONLY reasons I ever went to that one — are definitely NOT available for use for the foreseeable future. No, it’s the other one — the smaller one, with the equipment that I actually USED from time to time!

Well, coffee won’t open the gym, but it won’t hurt! So sure, pour me another cup of covfefe, and let’s can close this week’s post with everyone’s favorite artiste, Weird Al, singing a truck drivin’ song. See you next week!

Grok this, babycakes!

Hey everyone! Happy Wednesday! Hope you’re doing extra specialerino today!

First, I’ve got a loss! Check it out:

196.0

No, it’s véritable, Dwight! (Although if we get any more of that Tillamook Extra Sharp Cheddar, it could all change next week!)

Anyway, I’ve also got some fun news — I have a new job!

Yeah, the transcription company where I’ve been toiling away for lo, these many months hired me to create a bunch of audio tests for new transcribers. It’s fun! Especially when I see the people who try to cheat by posting the answers to the tests on YouTube struggling to figure out how to spell the simple English words I throw in, like “grok” and “nihilism.”

Aw shucks, just comes natural, I guess! Anyway, it’s a little extra moolah to throw in the ol’ Roth IRA, which is pretty much all there is to use it for these days, what with yet ANOTHER round of coronavirus shutdowns looming over our fair state. Which, among other things, means I may have to give Mr. 50by60 another “home haircut.”

But it’s all worth it to keep  our poor hospital & medical personnel from being even more overwhelmed than they already are, at least in MY opinion. Your mileage may vary, but it might help if some of you would just STAY HOME already!

Sigh — if only I were in charge, this world would be a MUCH more perfect place! But I’m not, so it ain’t! Oh well, I can dream, can’t I?

Have a great week, and remember — wear the *#@(! mask!!

Eureka, I’ve Got it! The Anti-Karen Solution??

So while I was growling over the weight GAIN this morning,

197.4

I tried to console myself by watching some of the new “Karen” videos that have bombarded my Facebook feed lately. Karen after Karen after Karen (female AND male), screaming in grocery stores, upscale fashion stores, and pretty much everywhere, all about how the Evil Government canNOT make them wear masks, and masks force them to breathe their own icky breath for way too long, and etc. ad nauseum!

And also reading about how in all those places where the Evil Government is NOT making them wear a mask, the equally Evil Virus is returning and the curve, which was sort of flattening — you know, like my weight was sort of dropping, until my gym closed down and life as we know it all kinda came to a screeching halt?



And I suddenly had a GREAT idea! Why not harness the power, energy, and all that pent-up Karen rage, and use it to our advantage?



First of all, if you’re one of the Karens going around yelling “Democratic PIGS!” and screaming that all the Democratic governors are forcing them to wear masks, please leave the blog for a few minutes. Okay? Thanks!



(looks around) are they gone? Great! Here’s the idea — and please feel free to pass this on to your Evil Democratic governator:

Make it ILLEGAL to go out in public WITH a face mask!!

Take a moment to mull it over, and you’ll see the absolute brilliance of this idea!

Karens in every Democratic-governored state will scream in anger:

You can’t take away my mask! You Democratic PIGS!!

and

I’ll give you my face mask when you pry it from my cold, dead FACE!!

MAGA 4EVER!! masks, manufactured by Trump Industries (basically, Karen personified) will proliferate everywhere,  and the economy will come roaring back!

Meanwhile, all of us (you and me, the ones who didn’t leave the room) will know it’s all a ploy to keep us safe from Hurricane Karen!

I’m sure there are some bugs in the idea, but I don’t have time to figure them out. Feel free to give me your thoughts in the comments!

See you next week!

What year is it again?

What a week, huh? Seems like every time we start to relax, 2020 throws us another curve ball!

And sure, we could probably get through it if we just had some calm, sensible, reassuring leadership, either now or in the foreseeable future!

Yikes! Well, obviously we don’t, so I for one don’t feel inclined to get too excited about my weight loss, or lack thereof! Which brings me to the weigh-in:

198.0

which, all things considered, isn’t really that big a deal! After all, while I haven’t lost, I haven’t gained, either. And since losing seems to be the order of the day right now, I suspect I’m in good company!

(Although, in a twisted sort of way, he’s actually accomplishing quite a lot!)

But of course, as I’ve often said, this is a weight-loss blog, not a political one, so whether you support the Trumpster or the Hair Sniffer, you’re welcome here! Just be aware that I do have my opinions, and occasionally need to get them out in the open!

Well, since I’m paying $50 buckaroonies a year for the privilege of this WordPress blog, I’m darn tootin’ gonna have my say, so there, David!! Anyway, that’s the weigh-in! Hopefully by next week, the world will have calmed down a bit and it’ll stop looking like the ’60s are making a comeback!

See ya then, unless … well, let’s just keep the positive thoughts, shall we?

 

A Sternly Worded Letter to my Bathroom Scales

Dear Scales:

You have been weighed in the scales, and found wanting!

This morning you told me I weighed

198.0

And I don’t understand why! I’ve been going for walks, counting my calories (well … kinda …) and also, I’m a really good person! So I don’t understand why you’re punishing me like this!

Oh! Well, sorry, then, Lord*! But I admit, I’m getting a little frustrated! And not to knock Science and everything, but y’know, I really need to find someone (else) to blame for this, because I’m getting dangerously close to my own personal Point of No Return!

Which, if you haven’t been paying attention to my mutterings as I stand on you* every morning, is 200 pounderinos! And you’re bringing me WAY too close to that number, Scales — like a Covidiot ignoring social distancing rules!

And yes I KNOW I haven’t been writing down ALL my calories, every day, and yes I KNOW I haven’t been doing any kind of meaningful workouts for weeks, other than the occasional hikes!

So I’m giving you fair warning — NEXT week, you better show a WAY lower number. ‘Cause I’ve got a hammer, and I know how to use it!

Sincerely,

Your Owner and, therefore, for the purposes of this blog entry, your Boss!

* and Scales!
** Still talking to the Scales here — not you, the reader! Much less to the Lord! Standing on the Lord might be all well and good from a poetic, theological standpoint but realistically, S/he might not appreciate it. And as I always say re: these pesky theological matters: why take chances?

My well of catchy blog titles is empty right now, sorry!

Yeah, it’s Wednesday and it’s Weigh-In Time, but for the life of me, I can’t think of a catchy title today! Just can’t seem to get those … things … you know, in my head … working …

critical

Yeah, well, guess I’m not the only one, huh? Anyhoo, let’s do the weight first because it’s actually pretty good!

196.2
woo hoo

Yeah, down a bit! I was getting a little worried there. But you know, that’s a good argument for weighing yourself every day — you can see it creeping back up and decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.

chidi paralyzed

Yeah, well, unlike Chidi, I don’t have as much trouble with that! Still, I do know that when I get > 5 pounds away from THE BIG 2-0-0, that’s my cue to restart the diet!!

sherlock

And I’m doing my best to go out for long walks 3 days a week. It seems to be helping — and you know, even if it didn’t affect the weight, I’d still do it, just for that feeling of freedom and being one with Nature and all that jazz.

think flowers dog

Of course, I can’t go to all the popular trails I used to enjoy, because, y’know, people are idiots.

human nature

But as long as I stay off the beaten path, I’m fine! And off the beaten path is where the prettiest flowers are, sometimes!

IMG_20200516_111348273

And NO I’m not telling you where I took that picture — stay away from my trails, dagnabit!!

make like a tree

Did you know Biff Tannen from “Back to the Future” was based on Trump??

Oh, and speaking of bullies in popular movies and TV, let us all bow our heads in remembrance of the GREAT Ken Osmond, aka everyone’s favorite wise guy, Eddie Haskell!

eddie haskell athletics

He was one of the greats! So on that slightly melancholy note, I’ll bid you farewell, and let’s keep our fingers crossed we don’t lose any more childhood favorites between now and next Wednesday!