In these difficult times, have some more ice cream!

Well, hey, everyone! Welcome aboard! Yes, it’s Wednesday … again …

groundhog day documentary

and it’s not yet April 30th (that’s tomorrow!) so I’m still not doing my Official Weigh-In, but you’ll be happy to hear I’m doing my best to avoid the so-called “COVID-15.”

dr who fat

Or will you? Because frankly, that’s one of those terms that’s become an annoying cliche or catchphrase.

cliche

And I dunno about you, but there are quite a few phrases I’d like to see banished from polite conversation, when all this is over! For example:

“We’re all in the same boat.” — Uh well, no, we’re not!! A celebrity living in a mansion with your own private gym, swimming pool, tennis courts, and live-in servants, is in a very different boat than a single mother living in a studio apartment in North Hollywood with three screaming kids.

same boat

“Social distancing” — Not that I have ANY problem with the concept of staying at least six feet away from all other human beings! As an introvert, I pretty much do that anyway! Still, what with email, text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, Zoom meetings galore, and all those fancy-schmancy new parts of The Interwebs, we’re doing way more social networking, so the “social” part of the “distancing” doesn’t really make sense.

social distancing baptism

“In these difficult/challenging/uncertain times, buy more stuff!” Look, I get it — small businesses are struggling, and they’re trying to figure out how to stay afloat while keeping both their employees and their customers safe. But ultimately, they’re trying to figure out how to keep selling stuff, because that’s what they do. Which is fine! I ain’t no commie! But look — they’re spending , like, 90% of their advertising budget right now TELLING us that they’re doing all this!! Pro tip: Just Do It! And donate all that ad revenue to a food bank or something!

batman robin challenging times

“Because we’re all in this together” — and yeah, I know, that’s kinda similar to the “same boat” one. However, I’m mentioning it specifically because it’s now the main tagline on virtually every commercial break at my otherwise favorite radio station, KFI AM 640, in Los Angeles, a pleasant mix of angst and comedy that accompanies my daily crafting efforts out in my She Shed. I’m guessing when this is all over, that (as well as some of these other phrases) is gonna become a punchline for some pretty tasteless jokes, and I for one can’t wait!

were all in this together

“When all this is over” — Yes, well, here I have to point the finger directly at myself, as I use this one all the time! And it’s never REALLY gonna be over. I don’t know about you, but I for one am gonna be hanging onto the face masks, hoarding toilet paper, and backing away from human contact for many years to come!

parakeet back off

Sigh — well, that’s all I got right now, folks. I haven’t actually had breakfast yet — just a little cofveve, to get my brain in gear. (And it worked, right?)

block print by artnoose

Anyway, when this is all over, I’ll post my official weigh-in again, because we’re all in this together! See ya next week!!

bach next week

Kahlua-fueled hangover Wednesday!

Well, good morning, campers, rise and shine! Time to put your booties on, ’cause it’s cold out there!

Oh, uh, actually, it’s pretty warm out there — supposed to get up to 90 degrees Fahrenheit here in beautiful (finally!) sunny Southern California

And I for one welcome our new Sun overlord! As I may or may not have mentioned, I have a mild form of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), which basically means, “Cloudy days = SAD, sunny days = HAPPY!”

So today’s gonna be happy — er, once I get over that hangover (see post title!).

See, yesterday, Mr. 50by60 and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.

And of course, part of that celebration involved the ingestion of alcoholic fluids — in my case, Kahlua! I always think the “coffee” part will balance out the “alcohol” part. Well, guess what?

Yup — I woke up this morning with a mild, but very noticeable, hangover! Thanks to some very strong (non-alcoholic!) cofveve, though, it’s finally receded just enough that I can sit here and write this scintillatingly witty blog post, for your entertainment!

Anyhoo, it made me wonder — you know how some superstitious people think 13 is an unlucky number?

Well, given that we’re only about a third of the way through 2020, the Year Everything Went Wonky, or YEWW …

… I’m wondering if maybe us having our 13th is just contributing, numerologically speaking, to the whole general YEWWiness of this sucky time! If so, let me be the first to offer my heartfelt apologies!

Hopefully, by the time our 14th rolls around, everything will be hunky dory and back to semi-normal! Meanwhile, hope YOUR week has been going well! Stay safe, be happy, and I’ll see ya next week!

Weightless Wednesday!

Well, good morning, everyone! As you might remember from last week, I’m taking a weigh-in staycation till April 30th.

“Corner Gas,” season 3, episode 6, “Mail Fraud”

Still, that’s no reason I can’t check in and let you know all the exciting things going on in my life right now!

Yeah, that’s pretty much the most exciting thing that’s happened to me all week! And it’s my very first Instacart order, too, so it’ll be interesting to see how it all works!

If you’ve had any experiences with them, or other grocery delivery services, let me know in the comments. This may be the “new normal,” as you know, so add any tips & tricks you know of to smooth out the process!

Heck, feel free to share ANY helpful hints!

Hang in there everybody — see ya next week for another Weightless Wednesday!

Are we focusing too much on weight during the lockdown?

Hey, everyone! How are you holding up? I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a lot of quality crocheting and knitting projects done.

And my weight is pretty much staying the same, a little up, a little down, but basically circling around the same area it’s been for the last several months:

194.6

However, I’m thinking after today I might give myself a break from the weigh-ins.

Don’t worry, I’ll still blog! But I came across this article in Glamour Magazine last week, “Everyone is Terrified of Getting ‘Quarantine Fat’ and Just Enough Already,” in which author Lindsay Schallon says:

Despite the fact we’re going through an unprecedented health crisis, the prevailing message on social media right now is that we’re somehow supposed to be “making the most” of our time spent indoors. Write that novelOrganize your closetBake breadGet quarantine fit!

Now, I don’t blame anyone for taking up a new hobby in order to distract themselves. You can only have so many conversations with your cat until you begin to feel completely deranged. But that last one—the idea that we should be using all this “extra time” to lose weight, or at least not gain any—moves beyond feeling productive and gives into a societal fear I thought we were moving past: Getting “fat.”

And I think she makes some great points! It’s what I’ve been saying as well: if cocooning with a good book and a big bowl of M&M-laced trail mix is what you need to help you get through this time of very legitimate angst, I am NOT going to tell you you’re wrong!

And neither is Pope Frankie!

So do what you need to do to stay sane! Sure, I think it’s great if you’re enthusiastic about doing more exercise and working out and sticking to your diet. But it’s ALSO great if you’d rather put off the healthy stuff till the crisis passes.

Do what you need to do! And in the spirit of nonjudgmentalism (also because, frankly, next week is Easter, which means a whole lot of cheese and chocolate and eggs and meat, in our household anyway!)…

…I’m hereby giving MYSELF a break from the Official Weekly Rhymin’ Weigh-Ins, till April 30th.

(and btw, so long, Schitts Creek!! loved that series finale!!)

Again, I’ll still check in on Wednesdays with a cheery “howdy”! Just won’t be updating the numbers for a while. So feel perfectly free to do the same! You have this kinda-sorta diet guru’s full permission!

See ya next week for the NON-weigh-in!

And now for something completely different!

Thought I’d take a break from the weigh-in this week, travel back in time, and have a conversation with my grandfather.

Edward Paul “Eddie” Meisburger, Oct 26, 1895 – June 1979 — we just called him “Papa!”

He was a journalist, and also pals with President Harry S Truman (for real!)

That’s Papa, second from right, with HST on the left

So I figured he’d have some good insights into our current situation! I told him all about the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, and all the “shelter at home” and “social distancing” stuff.

Happy 15th anniversary to “The Office”!

I told him how jarring it was to go to the grocery store now and have to stand in a long line to get inside, where the shelves were increasingly empty.

Though for some strange reason, there’s plenty of vegan meat and cheese substitutes!

I told him how frustrated we all were at the fact that no one had any idea how long this was going to last, or how it was going to end.

He nodded, took a sip from his hip flask, and asked, “And who’s your President these days?”

“Donald J. Trump,” I replied.

Papa looked startled for a moment, then turned his head to look at the calendar on the wall behind him.

And he chuckled. “Good one, kiddo — you had me going there for a while!”

Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody! See you next week, where I promise to do an actual weigh-in, maybe! Oh, and enjoy these “bonus alternate endings” from an idea by Mr. 50by60:

Pollyanna meets the Apocalypse (the unauthorized sequel)

If you’re tired of all those cheerful Facebook videos, Twitter posts, and other messages of hope and optimism from our suddenly shuttered world — well, you’ll probably want to pass this one by as well. Yeah, I’m one of those relentlessly “glass is half full” types who refuse to let you wallow in unmitigated misery!

glass half

And Pollyanna may have been an unbearable little twit, but she had her good points (especially as played by Hayley Mills, who wasn’t quite as unbearable as the original)! Namely, she helped all those around her, even l’il orphan Jimmy, see the upside of things!

prisms

There’s always something fun to do, even in a seemingly never-ending lockdown!

But Pollyanna had a point — when life screws you over, like it has so many of us recently, you have to decide how you’re going to deal with it. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light? Or rejoice, because now you can see the stars more clearly?

doctor dark stars

That was pretty philosophical, huh? Hey, I have my moments! So anyway, now that Pollyanna and I have helped you see the brighter side of the Apocalypse, let’s check the ol’ weightaroonie, shall we?

193.8

Yikes! Uh, uh yeah, well, y’see, my gym’s been closed for a week (the one I rarely go to anyway) and all the hiking trails have been closed (not that I’d go hiking in the rain anyway) and church is closed, so none of those fun Lenten prostrations (even though I always just bend over halfway and touch the edge of the pew — hey, I’m not a FANATIC, man!) and there’s not enough healthy snacks at the grocery stores (other than the vegetables, which no one seems to be hoarding for some reason).

lame excuse

I mean, there’s an excuse for everything, right? And it’s a stressful time for all of us, and at least another week to go! And yeah, I know it could be *longer* than a week, but let’s face it, one week at a time is probably the best we can all do right now, am I right?

one week later

Oh, let’s hope not! But if it does, rest assured, I’ll still be here to spread more cheer! (Oh, and speaking of spreading more cheer — you TOTALLY have my permission to treat yourself to one completely off-limits, highly calorific, fatty junk food item this week! Go nuts, friends! We’ll work it off together once this is all over!)

junk food

Please stay six feet away from this blog, thank you!

Ah, what a difference a week makes, huh? Last week at this time, most of us were still going our merry way, tra la la, a little worried about this whole coronavirus thing, but y’know, I’m sure they’ll work it all out, nothing to see here, mate!

Then Tom Hanks and Idris Elba got it, and all h-e-double-toothpicks broke loose!

So we’re all under house arrest, pretty much, but sorry, that doesn’t let you off the ol’ diet-and-exercise hook!

And after some long and careful thought, I decided to go on with the weekly weigh-ins, because really, what else have I got to do?

Oh — well, yeah, that! And I do plan to stand in yet another line later today, making sure I’ve got all the canned tuna and shrimp I can snag!

But before I head out to stock up on essentials, let me just jump on the ol’ scales … hang on … let’s see:

192.6

Wow, down an entire pound since last week! Well, that’s really interesting ’cause (true confession time!) I kinda gave in to temptation yesterday and indulged in some KFC.

Hey, stressful times, baby! And I know, it’s Lent, so theoretically I’m supposed to be giving up all that stuff. But y’know, since we’re giving up a whole lot of OTHER stuff right now (like the freedom to wander aimlessly around Trader Joe’s, shoving our fellow customers out of the way and grabbing that last box of Mini Hold The Cones out from under their noses, ’cause who do they think they are, shopping at the same time WE are?)

…I figured, what the hey! It may be a while before I get to indulge, and as Pete Hornberger sang on “30 Rock” (a great show to binge watch, btw!),

So, a pound down, that’s good! And by the way, while everyone else is a little uncertain about where our next roll of toilet paper might come from, those of us who’ve got every nook and cranny of our houses, cars, and She Sheds filled with books and vintage magazines are feelin’ pretty vindicated right now!

Seriously, there are some rough times ahead, but we’ll make it! Hang in there, and I promise, come hell, high water, or icky virus, I’ll continue to post my weigh-ins! See ya next week, and remember, spring is on the weigh!!

The occasional rant!

As my more-or-less loyal readers know, I usually try to keep this blog controversy-free. And for the most part, like the great Weird Al, I succeed.

However, every once in a while I get a bunch of Really Important Thoughts!! that simply MUST be expressed somewhere, somehow, or I’ll blurt them out in an inappropriate place, like, y’know, church, or the yarn store.

And I don’t really want to antagonize the good folks at the yarn stores because, what with the coronavirus AND the spring rains, I’ve been spending more time at home, crocheting, weaving, and just generally getting my craft on!

And yeah, unfortunately all that sitting around does have an effect on my, er, bottom line — to whit, today’s weigh-in:

193.6

Still, I’m enjoying it! And if you’re currently being affected in any way by the coronavirus outbreak, or have just decided to stay home out of an abundance of caution, I say good on you, mate! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being too paranoid or blowing things out of proportion.

Which is where I have to do my Mildly Controversial Rant! I’m seeing a lot of religious folks in my Facebook feed and elsewhere insisting that taking steps to keep the coronavirus from spreading, by avoiding crowds, washing your hands more often, not shaking hands, etc. is all just a Big Satanic Plot!

And as we all know, during the Middle Ages, when the plague and cholera and other diseases were wiping out thousands of people in Europe, all you had to do was go into a church and/or join a procession, and you’d be perfectly safe!

Yeah, that’s not really how infectious diseases work. And fortunately, there are plenty of equally religious folk who DO understand that. Now, I’m a “cradle Catholic,” so naturally I criticize my church ALL THE TIME — and let’s be honest, more often than not, they deserve it!

However, I do appreciate that most of our Bishops are urging people who are sick to stay home from Mass, or at least avoid shaking hands and spreading their cooties to others during the Sign of Peace.

And apparently, some people think that’s Satan talking! But y’know what? I seem to remember a certain guy in the Bible telling people that we should treat others the way we want to be treated!

And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want anyone giving ME their icky cooties!

So I am perfectly OK with hunkering down in my She Shed with my YouTube videos and (re)learning all my fun needlecrafts until they develop a vaccine for this thing, which they will, eventually! Although it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to go out for a walk once in a while, which I’ll also do, as soon as it stops raining.

Meanwhile, STAY SAFE and don’t take any unnecessary risks! Remember —

Welcome to your coronavirus- and politics-free blog post!

Good morning, everyone! If you’re like me, you need a respite from the nonstop, 24/7 media barrage of coronavirus and/or Super Tuesday news, right?

So why not stop here and  rejoice with me as I celebrate my first weigh-in of Lent with (of course) a loss!

192.0
70s scales

Whew! It’d be kind of embarrassing to GAIN weight during Lent, right? I mean, it’s happened before, because even if you go full-on Orthodox (kinda sorta) and give up meat and cheese, there’s still bread. Yummy, filling, calorific bread!

And y’know, I should confess* I’m not exactly super religious about this stuff. I mean, YAY JESUS and all that!! But the institutional structures that have been put up in His name sometimes leave me a little cold.

Still, half the whole faith battle is keeping the candles lit till the Light comes on, right?

And I like lighting candles, so that helps! Meantime, I’ll keep doing the Lenten thing, but I’ll also keep counting the calories, because contrary to what some vegetarians might tell you, it is DEFINITELY possible to be a fat vegan!

So let’s see: my todo list so far:

  1. Keep lighting the candles, and
  2. Keep counting the calories.

Anything else?

Sure, whatever you say! See ya next week, my fellow nerds!

*’Cause I’m Catholic — get it?? 

Repost for Ash Wednesday, ’cause I’m preoccupied, dagnabit!

Hi, everyone! Oops — just realized I’d forgotten to do a blog post this morning! Dare I say I made an “ash” of myself? (Get it? ‘Cause it’s Ash Wednesday?)

Oh well, sorry! Anyhoo, no weigh-in today, but please enjoy this blast from the past (last year, to be exact) and I’ll see ya next week! 

FROM FEBRUARY 25, 2019:

Post-Road Trip, Pre-Lent Weigh-In

Good morning, everyone!

Meatfare Groundhog

Yes, that’s right — as I’ve occasionally mentioned in this blog before, I’m an Eastern Catholic (Byzantine, Ruthenian, Greek Catholic, or whatever). We’re simple folk with different ways, but we’re cool.

easternstress

Anyway, the main thing to know about us as it relates to this blog is that even though we’re Catholic, we follow the same basic traditions as the Eastern Orthodox. And yesterday was what we call “Meatfare,” or “Farewell, Meat!” (You militant vegans out there should appreciate that since it’s the total, polar opposite of “Meet your Meat.”)

meet meat

The idea is that instead of melodramatically going from feast (Mardi Gras) to famine (Ash Wednesday), we kinda slide into the whole fasting thing gently. This week, we give up meat. Next week, after Cheesefare Sunday, we give up … well … everything else, basically!

lent no soup for you.jpg

That’s right — our Lent officially starts two days BEFORE your Ash Wednesday!

endora

Anyway, you can read more about the whole Meatfare/Cheesefare Sundays thing here, if you’re so inclined. Meanwhile, I suppose I should get on with the whole weigh-in thing.

finally.jpg

Oh … wait … did I mention I was on a road trip last week? So that might have affected my weight? I mean, I did put the words “Post-Road Trip” in the post title and all, so I probably should at least mention it, right?

get on with it

Oh, all right!! Today’s weigh-in is, like people who don’t spout their political opinions to everyone they meet, whether they want to hear them or not (*cough* EVERY DAMN PERSON AT THE OSCARS *cough*), surprisingly neutral!

180.0
vo de o

That’s right — it’s EXACTLY the same as it was Monday, before I hit the road for beautiful, sunny Phoenix, Arizona!

Phoenix rain walk 1

And I did indulge in some non-diet-type foods at the hotel’s fabulous Continental Breakfast Bar.

So I’m actually pretty impressed that I managed to keep the numbers from wildly skyrocketing. I did do some walking (in between the torrential storms) so that probably helped.

umbrella.jpg

Anyway, that’s it! And I’m going out on a limb AND going on record (hmm, can’t seem to find a meme that combines those two images! how bizarre) to renew my pledge, before God and everybody, to start counting my calories again. To be completely honest, I’d slacked off a bit on actually writing everything down, and keeping a running total in my head. Now that may work for you super math geniuses, but y’know, I’m not one of those.

math2

So it’s back to pen(cil) and paper for me! Let’s see how that works out. Meanwhile, have a GREAT first week of pre-Lent, everyone! See you Friday for a brand-new Five!

five.jpg