And now for something completely different!

Thought I’d take a break from the weigh-in this week, travel back in time, and have a conversation with my grandfather.

Edward Paul “Eddie” Meisburger, Oct 26, 1895 – June 1979 — we just called him “Papa!”

He was a journalist, and also pals with President Harry S Truman (for real!)

That’s Papa, second from right, with HST on the left

So I figured he’d have some good insights into our current situation! I told him all about the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak, and all the “shelter at home” and “social distancing” stuff.

Happy 15th anniversary to “The Office”!

I told him how jarring it was to go to the grocery store now and have to stand in a long line to get inside, where the shelves were increasingly empty.

Though for some strange reason, there’s plenty of vegan meat and cheese substitutes!

I told him how frustrated we all were at the fact that no one had any idea how long this was going to last, or how it was going to end.

He nodded, took a sip from his hip flask, and asked, “And who’s your President these days?”

“Donald J. Trump,” I replied.

Papa looked startled for a moment, then turned his head to look at the calendar on the wall behind him.

And he chuckled. “Good one, kiddo — you had me going there for a while!”

Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody! See you next week, where I promise to do an actual weigh-in, maybe! Oh, and enjoy these “bonus alternate endings” from an idea by Mr. 50by60:

Pollyanna meets the Apocalypse (the unauthorized sequel)

If you’re tired of all those cheerful Facebook videos, Twitter posts, and other messages of hope and optimism from our suddenly shuttered world — well, you’ll probably want to pass this one by as well. Yeah, I’m one of those relentlessly “glass is half full” types who refuse to let you wallow in unmitigated misery!

glass half

And Pollyanna may have been an unbearable little twit, but she had her good points (especially as played by Hayley Mills, who wasn’t quite as unbearable as the original)! Namely, she helped all those around her, even l’il orphan Jimmy, see the upside of things!

prisms

There’s always something fun to do, even in a seemingly never-ending lockdown!

But Pollyanna had a point — when life screws you over, like it has so many of us recently, you have to decide how you’re going to deal with it. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light? Or rejoice, because now you can see the stars more clearly?

doctor dark stars

That was pretty philosophical, huh? Hey, I have my moments! So anyway, now that Pollyanna and I have helped you see the brighter side of the Apocalypse, let’s check the ol’ weightaroonie, shall we?

193.8

Yikes! Uh, uh yeah, well, y’see, my gym’s been closed for a week (the one I rarely go to anyway) and all the hiking trails have been closed (not that I’d go hiking in the rain anyway) and church is closed, so none of those fun Lenten prostrations (even though I always just bend over halfway and touch the edge of the pew — hey, I’m not a FANATIC, man!) and there’s not enough healthy snacks at the grocery stores (other than the vegetables, which no one seems to be hoarding for some reason).

lame excuse

I mean, there’s an excuse for everything, right? And it’s a stressful time for all of us, and at least another week to go! And yeah, I know it could be *longer* than a week, but let’s face it, one week at a time is probably the best we can all do right now, am I right?

one week later

Oh, let’s hope not! But if it does, rest assured, I’ll still be here to spread more cheer! (Oh, and speaking of spreading more cheer — you TOTALLY have my permission to treat yourself to one completely off-limits, highly calorific, fatty junk food item this week! Go nuts, friends! We’ll work it off together once this is all over!)

junk food

Please stay six feet away from this blog, thank you!

Ah, what a difference a week makes, huh? Last week at this time, most of us were still going our merry way, tra la la, a little worried about this whole coronavirus thing, but y’know, I’m sure they’ll work it all out, nothing to see here, mate!

Then Tom Hanks and Idris Elba got it, and all h-e-double-toothpicks broke loose!

So we’re all under house arrest, pretty much, but sorry, that doesn’t let you off the ol’ diet-and-exercise hook!

And after some long and careful thought, I decided to go on with the weekly weigh-ins, because really, what else have I got to do?

Oh — well, yeah, that! And I do plan to stand in yet another line later today, making sure I’ve got all the canned tuna and shrimp I can snag!

But before I head out to stock up on essentials, let me just jump on the ol’ scales … hang on … let’s see:

192.6

Wow, down an entire pound since last week! Well, that’s really interesting ’cause (true confession time!) I kinda gave in to temptation yesterday and indulged in some KFC.

Hey, stressful times, baby! And I know, it’s Lent, so theoretically I’m supposed to be giving up all that stuff. But y’know, since we’re giving up a whole lot of OTHER stuff right now (like the freedom to wander aimlessly around Trader Joe’s, shoving our fellow customers out of the way and grabbing that last box of Mini Hold The Cones out from under their noses, ’cause who do they think they are, shopping at the same time WE are?)

…I figured, what the hey! It may be a while before I get to indulge, and as Pete Hornberger sang on “30 Rock” (a great show to binge watch, btw!),

So, a pound down, that’s good! And by the way, while everyone else is a little uncertain about where our next roll of toilet paper might come from, those of us who’ve got every nook and cranny of our houses, cars, and She Sheds filled with books and vintage magazines are feelin’ pretty vindicated right now!

Seriously, there are some rough times ahead, but we’ll make it! Hang in there, and I promise, come hell, high water, or icky virus, I’ll continue to post my weigh-ins! See ya next week, and remember, spring is on the weigh!!

The occasional rant!

As my more-or-less loyal readers know, I usually try to keep this blog controversy-free. And for the most part, like the great Weird Al, I succeed.

However, every once in a while I get a bunch of Really Important Thoughts!! that simply MUST be expressed somewhere, somehow, or I’ll blurt them out in an inappropriate place, like, y’know, church, or the yarn store.

And I don’t really want to antagonize the good folks at the yarn stores because, what with the coronavirus AND the spring rains, I’ve been spending more time at home, crocheting, weaving, and just generally getting my craft on!

And yeah, unfortunately all that sitting around does have an effect on my, er, bottom line — to whit, today’s weigh-in:

193.6

Still, I’m enjoying it! And if you’re currently being affected in any way by the coronavirus outbreak, or have just decided to stay home out of an abundance of caution, I say good on you, mate! Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being too paranoid or blowing things out of proportion.

Which is where I have to do my Mildly Controversial Rant! I’m seeing a lot of religious folks in my Facebook feed and elsewhere insisting that taking steps to keep the coronavirus from spreading, by avoiding crowds, washing your hands more often, not shaking hands, etc. is all just a Big Satanic Plot!

And as we all know, during the Middle Ages, when the plague and cholera and other diseases were wiping out thousands of people in Europe, all you had to do was go into a church and/or join a procession, and you’d be perfectly safe!

Yeah, that’s not really how infectious diseases work. And fortunately, there are plenty of equally religious folk who DO understand that. Now, I’m a “cradle Catholic,” so naturally I criticize my church ALL THE TIME — and let’s be honest, more often than not, they deserve it!

However, I do appreciate that most of our Bishops are urging people who are sick to stay home from Mass, or at least avoid shaking hands and spreading their cooties to others during the Sign of Peace.

And apparently, some people think that’s Satan talking! But y’know what? I seem to remember a certain guy in the Bible telling people that we should treat others the way we want to be treated!

And I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want anyone giving ME their icky cooties!

So I am perfectly OK with hunkering down in my She Shed with my YouTube videos and (re)learning all my fun needlecrafts until they develop a vaccine for this thing, which they will, eventually! Although it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to go out for a walk once in a while, which I’ll also do, as soon as it stops raining.

Meanwhile, STAY SAFE and don’t take any unnecessary risks! Remember —

Welcome to your coronavirus- and politics-free blog post!

Good morning, everyone! If you’re like me, you need a respite from the nonstop, 24/7 media barrage of coronavirus and/or Super Tuesday news, right?

So why not stop here and  rejoice with me as I celebrate my first weigh-in of Lent with (of course) a loss!

192.0
70s scales

Whew! It’d be kind of embarrassing to GAIN weight during Lent, right? I mean, it’s happened before, because even if you go full-on Orthodox (kinda sorta) and give up meat and cheese, there’s still bread. Yummy, filling, calorific bread!

And y’know, I should confess* I’m not exactly super religious about this stuff. I mean, YAY JESUS and all that!! But the institutional structures that have been put up in His name sometimes leave me a little cold.

Still, half the whole faith battle is keeping the candles lit till the Light comes on, right?

And I like lighting candles, so that helps! Meantime, I’ll keep doing the Lenten thing, but I’ll also keep counting the calories, because contrary to what some vegetarians might tell you, it is DEFINITELY possible to be a fat vegan!

So let’s see: my todo list so far:

  1. Keep lighting the candles, and
  2. Keep counting the calories.

Anything else?

Sure, whatever you say! See ya next week, my fellow nerds!

*’Cause I’m Catholic — get it?? 

Repost for Ash Wednesday, ’cause I’m preoccupied, dagnabit!

Hi, everyone! Oops — just realized I’d forgotten to do a blog post this morning! Dare I say I made an “ash” of myself? (Get it? ‘Cause it’s Ash Wednesday?)

Oh well, sorry! Anyhoo, no weigh-in today, but please enjoy this blast from the past (last year, to be exact) and I’ll see ya next week! 

FROM FEBRUARY 25, 2019:

Post-Road Trip, Pre-Lent Weigh-In

Good morning, everyone!

Meatfare Groundhog

Yes, that’s right — as I’ve occasionally mentioned in this blog before, I’m an Eastern Catholic (Byzantine, Ruthenian, Greek Catholic, or whatever). We’re simple folk with different ways, but we’re cool.

easternstress

Anyway, the main thing to know about us as it relates to this blog is that even though we’re Catholic, we follow the same basic traditions as the Eastern Orthodox. And yesterday was what we call “Meatfare,” or “Farewell, Meat!” (You militant vegans out there should appreciate that since it’s the total, polar opposite of “Meet your Meat.”)

meet meat

The idea is that instead of melodramatically going from feast (Mardi Gras) to famine (Ash Wednesday), we kinda slide into the whole fasting thing gently. This week, we give up meat. Next week, after Cheesefare Sunday, we give up … well … everything else, basically!

lent no soup for you.jpg

That’s right — our Lent officially starts two days BEFORE your Ash Wednesday!

endora

Anyway, you can read more about the whole Meatfare/Cheesefare Sundays thing here, if you’re so inclined. Meanwhile, I suppose I should get on with the whole weigh-in thing.

finally.jpg

Oh … wait … did I mention I was on a road trip last week? So that might have affected my weight? I mean, I did put the words “Post-Road Trip” in the post title and all, so I probably should at least mention it, right?

get on with it

Oh, all right!! Today’s weigh-in is, like people who don’t spout their political opinions to everyone they meet, whether they want to hear them or not (*cough* EVERY DAMN PERSON AT THE OSCARS *cough*), surprisingly neutral!

180.0
vo de o

That’s right — it’s EXACTLY the same as it was Monday, before I hit the road for beautiful, sunny Phoenix, Arizona!

Phoenix rain walk 1

And I did indulge in some non-diet-type foods at the hotel’s fabulous Continental Breakfast Bar.

So I’m actually pretty impressed that I managed to keep the numbers from wildly skyrocketing. I did do some walking (in between the torrential storms) so that probably helped.

umbrella.jpg

Anyway, that’s it! And I’m going out on a limb AND going on record (hmm, can’t seem to find a meme that combines those two images! how bizarre) to renew my pledge, before God and everybody, to start counting my calories again. To be completely honest, I’d slacked off a bit on actually writing everything down, and keeping a running total in my head. Now that may work for you super math geniuses, but y’know, I’m not one of those.

math2

So it’s back to pen(cil) and paper for me! Let’s see how that works out. Meanwhile, have a GREAT first week of pre-Lent, everyone! See you Friday for a brand-new Five!

five.jpg

 

Happy Birthday, Donna Lehman Krum!

Hey, guess what today is? That’s right, folks, it’s

DONNA LEHMAN KRUM’S BIRTHDAY!

And just who is Donna Lehman Krum, you ask? Well, good question! Here’s the answer: she’s one of my cousins (at least I *think* she is — I’m still not 100% sure what the actual cousin-ography line of succession is on that side of the family). Anyway, today’s a big birthday for her, so Donna, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! and here’s your free plug!!!

Oh, and by the way, it’s ALSO apparently my 10th anniversary with WordPress, according to the popup message I got from them when I signed in this morning! Of course, being WordPress, they didn’t make it easy, or even possible, for me to cut & paste the actual message, so I’ll just have to give you an approximation:

wordpress anniversary

That’s the power of blogging, folks! You can say what you like and nobody can stop you!

trump laugh

Except yourself, of course!

trump say what now

And on that note, let me stop blathering and give you this morning’s weight report!

193.0
fonz whoa rhymes with o

OK, that’s good — still kinda sorta on that downward trend, one micromillimeter of a pound at a time! Every little bit counts! And, y’know, that sort of thing …

get smart missed

As long as the arrow’s pointing down, I’m OK with it! So go out and celebrate something today — Donna’s birthday, my WP anniversary — or heck, your ability to actually get out of bed this morning!

cat out of bed

I mean, there’s always something good happening to someone, somewhere, right? If it isn’t you, well, it will be at some point!

pollyanna cat

Well, pooh on you, Pessimistic Meme Cat! That’s my philosophy and I’m stickin’ to it — at least till next week! See ya then!

sound of music so long

 

“Good morning, I’m fat! How are you?”

“I’m fat; how are you?” Great line, isn’t it? Sure wish I’d come up with it! But no, I have to give proper credit: it’s from Simcha Fischer’s “What’s for Supper? Vol. 201, Potatoes and Other Tornadoes?” post last week.

Well, there’s something to be said for celebrating, rather than denigrating, your fatness sometimes — and my cat Pumpkin seems to agree, since she seems to find my “trying-to-sleep-under-a-mountain-of-covers” body the perfect memory foam pillow, to knead and mold into the shape she wants!

And of course, all this preliminary hoohah is just my way of psyching us all up for today’s weigh-in! Shall we?

194.0

Yeah, up an entire 0.6 pounds since last week!! The horror, the horror! But hark, what’s that approaching, in the not-too-distant future?

That’s right, campers, it’s that time of year again! And if you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that yours truly follows the Byzantine Catholic way of life (more or less!).

And being pseudo-Orthodox, the ideal is to give up all meat, cheese, dairy, oils, and just plain FUN for the next month-plus.

And then, of course, during the week FOLLOWING Pascha, or Easter (aka “Spring,” for all my atheist, heathen, and Pagan pals!), it’s basically “all you can eat at the Resurrection buffet” time!

(And “New Calendar,” please — I can’t wait another week!)

So here’s the sked: this Sunday is Meatfare, following which we give up

the following Sunday is Cheesefare, after which we give up

and voila, there we are, all us Eastern Christians, deep in the heart of Lent a full two days before all you Westerners get those smudges on your foreheads!

But hey, it’s all good! At least, it’s *supposed* to be good. I always think I’m going to lose weight during Lent, but somehow it never happens. Maybe because “bread” is not one of the forbidden fruits — and I can definitely eat WAY too much bread!

Which is just another reason not to give up on the calorie counting, ’cause no matter what you’re eating — even if you’re a full-fledged Ultra-Orthodox Vegan — it’s STILL possible to overdo it!

So there ya go! And here *I* go, but I’ll see ya NEXT week, when hopefully we’ll have, not Meatfare or Cheesefare, but FATFARE!! So long, fat!!

Doctor Who, “Partners in Crime,” Catherine Tate & David Tennant

State of the Weight!!

Well, good morning, everyone! I’m sure we all enjoyed last night’s State of the Union address, featuring President Trump, a frequent visitor to my meme gallery, and a couple of newbies

Of course, not everyone enjoyed it:

But ya know, you can’t please everyone! So on that note, let’s check out the State of the Weight, shall we?

193.4

Hey, not too shabby! I mean, I’d rather it was a LOT lower, but I’m fine with it just going down in dribs & drabs, right? As long as it’s down, not up!

So unless you’re in Iowa,

get ready to MAKE A DIFFERENCE for your country! Meanwhile, don’t rip up that diet plan just yet, Nancy!

I’m sure it’s chock-full of great weight loss ideas from our beloved Prez!

So let’s give it a try, and meet back here again NEXT week — whaddya say?

OK, well, the REST of us will be here, David! Have a great week, everyone!

Back From the Precipice!

Good morning, good morning!

And it IS a good morning, in spite of the fierce winds currently blowing outside our lovely estate here in the beautiful San Fernando Valley, because after (finally!) getting back to jotting down my calories on a daily basis, the needle on the scale (or the electronic equivalent thereof) budged:

193.8

I’m gonna keep this a bit short because there’s coffee waiting for me.

Also, there are strange rustling sounds coming from the boxes of papers and books behind me, here in the office. It’s either a cat, or something being CHASED by a cat.

Either way, I better check it out! Meanwhile, if you’re wondering if calorie counting really works as a weight loss tool — yes, it does! It may not work for everyone, but it works for me. I think it’s because making myself write down what I eat makes me more aware of what I’m eating – more “mindful,” to use a rather overused buzzword.

So if your weight loss has stalled, why not give it a try? You can get an app, like MyFitnessPal, or just use an actual piece of paper, and a writing implement of some sort.

I actually find the old-school way works best for me, but then I’m old, and I went to school, so there ya go! Anyway, I’m relieved to see the numbers finally starting to slide back from the 200-pound precipice! Let’s see if I can keep the momentum going!

(and week!)