Well, howdy, everyone! Here we are in the Future, the fabulous, far-away sounding year of 2021 A.D., and [squints] huh … well, gee whillikers, Batman, I, uh, hate to say this, but it kinda looks not all that different from 2020, so far!
Well, okay, calm down! Let’s just keep all our fingers and toesies crossed that everything gets better toot sweet! Anyway, I have some important business to attend to here, so without further adieux, here ’tis — the first Weekly Weigh-In of 2021!
What?? OVER that 200-pound line in the sand I set for myself? Is outrage!
How could that possibly happen? I’m a vegan, dammit, a vegan! Everyone knows vegans are SKINNY and cranky, not FAT and cranky!
Yeah, but but but — plant-based! Organic! Buzzwords!
Oh … yeah, okay, well, I guess I have perhaps overindulged in some of the super yummy vegan snacks that are all the rage now with the youngsters.
And yeah, perhaps I have been sitting too long in front of my various devices, staring raptly at the latest installment of Awkward Ashleigh Burton’s Millennial Movie Monday or Twinsthenewtrend!
But that still doesn’t mean I deserve to have my weight go over 200 pounds! No, it’s gotta be someone else’s fault! Therefore, I hereby demand that my bathroom scales — probably manufactured by Dominion — be hauled into every court in the land!
Meanwhile, I plan to huddle with my (imaginary) sycophants in my War Room (She Shed) to contemplate my next power move (counting my calories and getting up off my butt more often). Theoretically, that should boost the odds in favor of me returning to power (aka losing a pound or two) by this time next week!
See ya soon!