One of my loyal 50by60 readers (and not coincidentally, one of my favorite cousins!) confided last week that she’s developed a fear of getting back on the scales after the holidays.

Well, Margaret, I’m here to help you — and anyone else who’s nervous about facing The Shocking Truth! (aka your post-holiday weight) — with five ways to make sure your scales give you the numbers you KNOW you deserve!

1. Before getting on the scales, make SURE you cross yourself, say three Hail Mary’s and apologize to Our Lord for sullying His birthday season with your atrocious overeating!
   
2. Repeat after me: “it’s water weight! it’s just water weight!” and subtract 10 pounds from whatever the stupid numbers say!
   
3. Be sure to stand on the correct part of the scales! Even a millimeter off center can create a margin of error of up to 20 pounds!
   
4. VERY important: did you remove ALL your clothes? And the weight’s still too high? Well, keep stripping down — anything other than what God graced you with at birth has gotta go!
   
5. And if none of those ideas works for you, here’s a thought —
   
   Yeah, I know — really wacky and rad! But what the heck, it’s worth a shot, right? I mean, seriously, if all else fails, why not try counting your calories every day for a week, and THEN looking at the scales? You just might be surprised!

As I’m hoping *I* will be, come Monday’s weigh-in! Will I finally get back into the (1)70’s? We’ll find out — together!

Meanwhile, have a great weekend!