First things first:
Weight loss heaven!
Wow – I’m in my teens again!!! Can I start texting and making snide remarks about everything? Oh wait, I already do that.
Anyway, this past Saturday, I was driving aimlessly around the Valley (San Fernando, in case you’ve heard of another), listening to AM radio (on Saturdays, it’s mostly food shows and tax advice), and getting hungrier and hungrier.
I stopped at the Quickie Mart to get some cash out of the ATM, and gazed longingly at the crappy-yet-fascinating hot food: hamburgers, pizza, hot wings and mmmm hot dogs!
Suddenly … I was jonesin’ for a chili dog! I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my fondness for the many-times-aforementioned Canadian sitcom “Corner Gas,” in which chili dogs often serve as major plot points, or at least props.
My “Diet Brain” took note of my longing, and immediately started yelling at me:
“You can’t eat a chili dog! Do you know how many calories are in those? You’ll wreck your diet and gain back every single pound you’ve lost! Don’t be a schmuck!”
Then my stomach retaliated by sending long, groaning complaints up and down the alimentary canal, taunting Diet Brain with unquenchable longings.
Then – a miracle happened! Diet Brain and Stomach Brain were both interrupted by the voice of the great Protestant reformer, Martin Luther!
I know, right??
Now, I should just break in here and point out a couple of things:
1) I’m a Catholic, so Martin Luther isn’t usually a huge source of inspiration for me.
2) This isn’t a religious blog, and it’s not suddenly going to morph into one.
However, at that moment, I DISTINCTLY heard good ol’ Martin’s voice in my head, loud and clear, saying what he’s often purported to have said at least once: “If you’re gonna sin – sin boldly!”
And I thought, “Martin, ol’ boy, you’re right! If I’m gonna go wild on the calories, I’m not gonna settle for a grungy convenience store chili dog! I’m gonna get the best one I can possibly find, and really ENJOY it!”
So, long story short, I wound up buying a chili dog at a place called The Munch Box, in Chatsworth, California – an actual historical landmark!
And I ordered me a chili dog. And that was the BEST dang chili dog I’ve ever had in my entire life! (At least, the best one I can remember. I’m almost 60, so my memory isn’t what it used to be.)
So here’s how I’d rephrase Martin’s purported* theological wisdom. If you’re going to defy your “Diet Brain,” don’t be a wimp about it. If you really want something, and you can’t stop thinking about it, then by golly gumdrops, don’t just settle for one of Apu’s rejects!
No sir (or ma’am)! Get the BEST possible version of it you can!
So just for today – listen to Martin Luther! Don’t just sneakily grab a few extra calories here, a few extra grams of fat there. If a chili dog is the panacea you need, then a chili dog is what you should have!