Hey, everyone! Depressed because the numbers on the scale aren’t going the direction you think they should? Never fear! Here’s five ideas to help you take control of those nasty numbers!

1. As recommended by many, many REPUTABLE fitness folks, including Jay at aworkoutroutine.com, don’t just weigh yourself once a week. Even if you’re doing so on the same day, at the same time, in the same clothing, your weight does fluctuate a LOT, even during the course of a day, and you may just happen to catch yourself at a point where it’s fluctuated upwards from last week’s – even though you’re still losing! Weigh yourself every day, 7* days a week, add those 7* numbers together, and divide by 7*, for a much more accurate weekly weight.

2. *If you’re like me, and like taking the weekends off, substitute “5” for those “7s” in 1. above. Monday through Friday works better for me. More businesslike, shall we say. And those of us who were caught in the Great Downsizing of 2009, who now spend our time working for pennies at Amazon Mechanical Turk, taking surveys, and writing inane blogs, need to preserve as businesslike a mien as possible, n’est pas?

3. Ditch the fractions! Fractions are nobody’s friend. They drove you nuts in junior high, and they’ve never stopped. How many times has this happened to you? You weigh yourself on Monday – 221.1. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday – all 221.1. Looking good, right? Then comes the Friday Fluctuation Express – 222.7! Holey Moley! Now your weekly average (if you’re dividing by 5 – see 2., above) is 221.3! And you’re all freaked out, because you gained 0.2 pounds! Try this: DITCH THAT FRACTION! Now your weekly average is 221, and danged if you didn’t LOSE 0.1 pounds!

Strut your stuff, baby, and tell Math to take a hike!

4. Trick your brain! That big piece o’flesh inside your skull is the perennial Lennie to your George. Even when you TELL it, “Hey, Lennie, I’m gonna be fooling you this week,” ol’ Lennie just smiles and say, “Duh, OK, George! Say, where’s them rabbits?” So here’s what you’re gonna do, George. You know how, when you weigh yourself, you’re usually either completely naked, or at least mostly (depending on the temperature)? Well, this week only, weigh yourself every day COMPLETELY CLOTHED. Shoes, work clothes, parka – the works!

Naturally, your weekly average THIS week will be higher – a gain. But get this – the FOLLOWING week, when you resume stripping down to au natural status again – GUARANTEED weight loss, in two weeks, baby! For the rabbits, George!

5. And, if all else fails –

That’s it for today! Hope you have a great weekend! Oh, and if you’re not one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to deal with it, enjoy that extra hour of darkness on Monday morning!

(Unused Pingback of the Day: Neighbors!)